A pair of Boom Goes the Dynamite standouts, salary cap hog Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) and up-and-comer Tory Kukowski (Lewiston, Minn.) were named to the Siebert Field All-Star Game to be played at 2 p.m., today. For the first time in their respective careers, the duo will be split up as Kukowski will be play for the Gold Chipmunks, while Kurtt will sport the Maroon Rodent colors.
Controversy has been sparked by the lack of Dynamiters selected to the game, circumstances surrounding the players selected and the perks received for their participation in this yearly contest.
“If you ask me, the whole selection process is a joke,” said wily veteran Kyle Coughlin (Golden Valley, Minn.), whose named was removed from the ballot prior to the season in favor of Leo Lewis in the pitcher’s spot by University of Minnesota athletics adminstration.
Several other Dynamiters did not comment on their All-Star snubs. However, when approached about the selection of All-Star Team, representative Jeff Seifriz said, “That squad is completely overrated. For years, Boom has picked on the bottom-feeders of Minneapolis softball to claim a lot of those victories. Teams such as McWalstein’s No-Talent Ass Clowns, Lucky Strikes and that group of misfits they beat by 30 last year in the playoffs don’t give them a very high RPI. Therefore, how can we compare players from that team against legends like Mike McDonald, Scott Ellison and Kathy Anderson?”
Another controversy surrounding the game was the new fan voting system implemented by Tech Services this year.
“First of all, the server has been down for three days now. so none of our fans could vote,” Boom general manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.) said.
Another mysterious development had superfan-in-training Emily Wickstrom logging on a surprising 1,500 times on May 13 to vote for Kukowski. Along with that development, Kurtt seemed to have received most of his votes from e-mail accounts attributed to Boom Mascot of the Year contenders Cooper and Maggie.
“I knew that this voting was open to citizens from around the world, but when Maggie and Cooper start pushing the voting over the top, we have to pretty much call this process a joke,” former Siebert Field All-Star Shane Sanderseld said.
Commenting about the number of Kukowski’s votes coming from her household Wickstrom said, “That Lewiston basketball team was pretty much comparable to mid-1990s Chicago Bulls, and Tory was the Scottie Pippen of that squad. I was just making sure he got his deserved recognition.”
Another issue of contention, were the perks that were received by Kukowski and Kurtt for making this All-Star team.
“We are already paying this clown $114 million over six years, and I come to find out that Kevin Kurtt gets an All-Star bonus of $3 million on top of that," Keiser said. "I blame these awful contracts on the Geller era. We need to get rid of some of these albatross contracts and soon.”
On another note, Kukowski received six free meals at the Steak Knife for his All-Star appearance, per the wording of his contract set up by former agent Michael H. Lochrem.
The brightest note of the afternoon is with Kurtt and Kukowski playing on opposite teams, one of the players will snap Boom’s 0-75 collective record compiled by its members that have played in this game.
“You think Geller is washed up now. I could have told you that two years ago when I watched his performance in the All-Star game,” former Maroon Rodent All-Star manager J.T. Bruett said.
As a sidenote, Geller was left off the All-Star team after it was determined that Sue LaTrendese would be a better late-game defensive replacement. At the time of this story, Geller had no comment regarding this matter.
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