The Boom Box Score - Boom Goes the Dynamite 15, Myslajek Ltd. 9

Now that Boom Goes the Dynamite is in an actual league that requires teams to actually keep score in an actual scorebook, we bring you the first installment of an actual box score - from Boom's 15-9 actual season-opening win over Myslajek Ltd.

Some quick notes from the box score:
* The batting averages of Boom's bottom of the order - the bottom four batting averages for the night (nice managing work by rookie bench boss Michelle Train).
* Aging hurler Steve Geller struck out four in seven innings of work - quite the feat in slowpitch softball.
* Jim Strick (3-for-4, 3 RBI) and Alyssa Downing (3-for-3, 2 RBI) emerged as the frontrunners for the 2008 edition of the Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Award (disclaimer: Strick and Downing were the lone rookies in the game).
* With their 1.000 batting averages, Kevin Kurtt (4-for-4, 3 runs scored) and Downing are the early favorites for the Victory Sports Silver Stick Award.
* Every Boom player reached base except 10-day acquistion Kristine Yorde. Likewise, all but two Boom players scored (Yorde, Kevin Noth).
* Due to the absence of Lisa Hardy and Alicia Jerome in the lineup, Boom did not draw a single walk for the game.

Game story hopefully to come later.

Questions Abound as Boom Opens 2008 Season

Boom Goes the Dynamite, a slowpitch softball franchise with ties to the defunct Low Expectations, Gas on the Fire and I'm With Stupid, opens its 2008 St. Louis Park League season tonight with a contest against Myslajek Ltd. (a team chock full of accountants) at 6:15 p.m., at Dakota Park (click here for map). Mr. Heavyfoot sat down with Let's Play Softball staff writer Don Bowman for his analysis on Boom's laundry list of question marks.

Question: Will arm injuries to mediocre shortstop/team president Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) and servicable outfielder/general manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.) have a major impact on Boom?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Kurtt will give up his shortstop position to Jim Strick, much like he gave up his hockey SID position to the Bucky-lover. Kurtt will, in turn, platoon at first base with Kevin Noth and Lisa Hardy. Offseason rotator cuff surgery looks likely. Keiser, meanwhile, will make the move to the pitcher's mound, replacing Steve Geller. It's surprising that it has taken Keiser this long to recognize the injury, given it originally happened on May 17, 2006 (link).

Question: Can utility player/team hustler Casey Kurtt (Lakeland, Minn.) return to pre-knocked-up form after giving birth to an astonishingly cute son (proof of cuteness here)?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If I've learned anything about Mrs. Kurtt it's that she will stop at nothing to lead Boom to victory. To wit: link.

Question: Will outfielder/team social coordinator Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) revert to her Little Miss Lackadaisical alter ego or will she regain her early-2000s form that saw her earn All-Iron Range accolades as a Hibbing High Bluejacket?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: She was the first player to pay team president Kevin Kurtt her player dues and she seems genuinely excited about proving herself in 2008. Still, I'm not sold. There's just too much history of half-assed play from this former Academic All-NCC honoree. That being said, if she shows half the enthusiasm she showed during her stint as Tom Wistrcill's assistant, Boom management will be happy.

Question: Will the pending unemployment of "Tory Kukowski Memorial Outfielder" Ryan Maus (Northfield, Minn.) be a major distraction?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Not really. With no job in athletic media relations lined up, Maus is primed to re-enter the blogging world as one of the foremost Twins bloggers in the land. Plus, nothing can wipe the smile off this guy's face (link).

Question: Will rangy utility player Jim Strick (Oshkosh, Wis.) drag down Boom much like he did to the 2007-08 edition of Golden Gopher hockey?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: He better not. Strick's involvement with the Gopher hockey program may or may not have led to the name of Minnesota's Pride on Ice being sullied. If Boom sees a first-game season-ending injury to a star player, a mid-season departure from another star player or a seventh-place league finish, team management will have no choice but to blame Strick and send him back to Wisco.

Question: Will the loss of team cancer Kyle Coughlin (Golden Valley, Minn.) spell great things for Boom in 2008?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Losing Coughlin to the Windy City was the best thing to happen to Boom in the offseason. That, and the jettisoning of perennial Nick Joos Disappointment of the Year frontrunner Alicia Jerome.

Question: Will Boom's superfans follow the franchise from the God-forsaken fields of the U of M and Lake Nokomis to the pastoral green grass and fenced-in fields of St. Louis Park?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If ticket sales for tonight are any indication, fans will have no problem leaving behind the overzealous park police of Lake Nokomis and the overzealous parking Nazis at the U of M. Scheduled to appear tonight is the entire Kurtt clan - Jim, Beth, Laura, Cooper, Maggie and in his debut appearance, Kieran - as well as Emily Wood (of Emily Wood Team Spirit Award fame). In related news, new manager Michelle Traen is no longer eligible for the Jeannie/Cowboy Bob Superfan of the Year Award.

Question: Can longtime superfan Michelle Train (Taunton, Minn.) handle the pressure as Boom's first-ever full-time manager or will she crumple under the intense media and fan scrutiny in Isaiah Thomas-like fashion?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Let's face it, Train is a puppet of the ownership regime. Do you really think owner/team president Kevin Kurtt and his bobo, general manager Jeff Keiser are going to allow Train to run the show without interference from the front office? No way. Train = Joe Girardi; Kurtt and Keiser = Hank Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman, respectively.

Question: Will aging hurler Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.) and perennial playoff stud Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.) once again serve as Boom's fashion plates for the 2008 season?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Yes. Tank tops and black sweatpants for everyone!

Question: Did part-timer Lisa Hardy (Hopkins, Minn.) find any speed in the offseason?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Not likely.

Question: Will third baseman/new attorney Andrea Smith (Golden Valley, Minn.) attempt to capitalize on personal injury lawsuits when Boom players inevitably get hurt?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: I really can't predict this one. Is Smith a young attorney primed for big things in the legal world or is she just an ambulance chaser? Is she cut from the same cloth as Ruth Bader Ginsburg or Jack Prescott? Is she more Johnnie Cochran or Jackie Childs? The jury is still out on this one (bada bing!).

Question: Does rookie utility player Alyssa Downing's (Marshall, Minn.) involvement with J Robinson Camps mean Boom players won't be allowed to drink water and/or will be forced to run the bases holding dumbbells above their heads for punishment for errors committed in the field?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: I smell a possible Andrea Smith lawsuit if Downing pulls any of those shenanigans.

Question: Will team sparkplug Emily Wood (Wausau, Wis.) be able to win the Emily Wood Team Spirit Award?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If she doesn't, there's something seriously wrong with the voting process. Who's more upbeat than Wood? Excluding Smilin' Ryan Maus, of course.

Question: Will "Tory Kukowski Memorial Intern" wannabe Doug Vose (Mankato, Minn.) ever see playing time?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If this team wants to win, they'll keep Vose where he belongs: answering phones and cutting out news clippings. I know he's close with Cal Ripken and all, but the vast majority of Boom's prior experiments with using students failed miserably (see: Dave "Cheese" Reidinger).

Question: Will wily journeyman Matt Slieter (Owatonna, Minn.) be as bitter and physically fragile as the player he replaced (Coughlin)?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Haven't we savaged Coughlin enough? I mean, he's been accused of having no heart, but he, in fact, has a bigger heart than anyone this franchise has ever seen. And Coughlin can prove it. Just ask him (and his Mayo Clinic test results). As far as Slieter, he has no reason to be bitter. He's not working for the worst-run sports franchise this side of the New York Knicks anymore. True, he's working in the land of search committees, teammates of the month, recruit-retain-reward (ha!), Eric Ferris, Gregg Shimanski, Leo, Joe, and the like, but that's nothing compared to his former employer (read: Ndudi Ebi).

Question: His final 2007 game notwithstanding, does former Boom outfielder Tory Kukowski (Lewiston, Minn.) provide his Oklahoma-based softball team with a couple of cans-of-corn every game like he did with Boom?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: What does this have to do with Boom's 2008 season? Nothing? Right. I'll still answer the question. Yes. Yes he does.

Question: Can tall infielder Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.) be expected to step into the shoes left by former second baseman/current mom-to-be Alicia Jerome (Kirkland, Wash.)?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Yes. I've got nothing here.

Question: Who will win the newly-created Alicia Jerome Memorial "Knocked Up" Award?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: I wouldn't dare venture a guess, but here are the past winners (retroactively rewarded from 2004):
2005 Kimberly Lockrem
2006 Lori Noth
2007 Casey Kurtt
2008 Alicia Jerome

Question: Will Steve Geller be swinging for the fences every at bat now that there are actual fences? Also, will Geller swing at a pitch below eye level at any point this season? Finally, will Geller's nearby apartment (to Dakota Park) be a postgame destination for Boom?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Yes, No and You Better Hope Not.

Question: Will Boom be content with just playing on fields with real grass and fences, or will they recapture their "Just Winners" style from the 2006 season?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: The first one.

Once Again, It's Time for Us to Show Off the Kid

It's been awhile (since Dec. 6) since we've shown off our now-6-month-old son, Kieran. So here's an album from his fifth month that we put together on facebook. Obviously, he got his good looks from mom. What dad provided we're no so sure. Perhaps the belly. Click here for the photos.

Boom Goes the Dynamite Hits the Big Time

"All the fake news that's really not all that fit to print." That's the subhead to this mediocre blog that we run on an on-again, off-again basis. Well, file this under "news that looks fake, but isn't; news that probably shouldn't be printed, but is."

On page 15 of the April 24 edition of Let's Play Softball/Let's Play Baseball (think of it as Let's Play Hockey's awkward cousin), you'll find the above page. No joke. Boom Goes the Dynamite is published in a somewhat-respected softball/baseball publication. Needless to say, the paper was hurting for content for this issue. Tabloid rag, indeed.

FYI, Let's Play Softball/Let's Play Baseball has a circulation of approximatley 6,000.

Sadly This Video Features No Fox 9 Reporters

Given our history working with the esteemed media in the Twin Cities, we developed a measure of disdain for the local news/sports TV reporters. We're talking about you, Trish Van Pilsum.

It is for that reason we took great pleasure in watching the above video of reporters getting embarrassed, maimed, clawed, tackled, blown up, and hit by a professional wrestler, horse, plane, pie, purse, cat, guy on an inner tube, etc.

Our personal favorites are the CNN reporter getting tackled and the female reporter getting absolutely buried by a passing snowplow.

Best line from the video: "Put that on the news."

Fun With Your Baby, His Bumbo Seat and Stop Motion Video

While we work on the major Boom Goes the Dynamite announcement (warning: you may or may not consider the announcement "major"), we present a video we find amusing probably because we're the parents of a child about the age of the baby in the video. The description from collegehumor.com sums up this video quite well: "By the time this was done, he could speak and make his own videos.

Your 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Schedule

The 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite schedule has been released by team president Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) and general manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.). The 2008 season will see Boom compete in the St. Louis Park Co-Rec D League after a lengthy stay with CSC Sports. Eleven of Boom's 12 games will take place at Dakota Park (click here for map), while the season finale will be at Aquila Park (click here for map). In the event of unfavorable weather conditions, call the St. Louis Park Weather Line at 952-924-2567 for updates on possible game cancellations.

Also, stay tuned to Mr. Heavyfoot for a major team announcement that may or may not involve a person that appears on the above team poster.

2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Schedule

April 29 - Myslajek Ltd. - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

May 6 - HGH - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota West

May 13 - Green Giants - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota East

May 20 - Absolute Bail Bonds - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota East

May 27 - Skeet Skeet - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

June 3 - The Chiefs - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota West

June 10 - Jobdig - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota West

June 17 - Absolute Bail Bonds - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

June 24 - Myslajek Ltd. - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota East

July 1 - The Chiefs - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota West

July 8 - Jobdig - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

July 15 - Green Giants - 9:15 p.m. - Aquila Field #2

* italics indicate Boom as the home team

Your 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Preseason Team Roster

Mr. Heavyfoot is back. Why? It's softball season and what better place than here to post satirical game stories from everybody's favorite slowpitch softball team Boom Goes the Dynamite. Things have mightily changed since we last heard from Boom, namely the team's controversial decision to pull up their stakes from the godawful CSC Sports league in favor of the fences and real grass of the St. Louis Park Softball League. Boom will be competing on Tuesday nights in the SLP Co-Rec D League at Aquila and Dakota parks.

So, without further ado, may we present to you the 2008 edition of Boom Goes the Dynamite (subject to change):

Alyssa Downing (UT) - appears on the preseason Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Watch List
Steve Geller (P/OF) - will undoubtedly be swinging for the fences at every at-bat; looking for first injury-free season since 2004
Lisa Hardy (1B) - may be a part-timer in 2008; worked on her footspeed in offseason
Jeff Keiser (P/OF) - looking to prove Beth Kurtt wrong when she voted him as the Nick Joos Disappointment of the Year in 2007; just happy to be playing on real grass
Casey Kurtt (C/2B) - returns to full-time status after giving birth to an astonishingly-cute baby boy (paternity tests pending)
Kevin Kurtt (SS/UT) - packed on some ample winter weight in the offseason to bolster his inconsistent power hitting; will battle to keep his starting position at SS
Ryan Maus (OF) - appears on the preseason Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP Watch List; will his pending unemployment be a distraction this season?
Kevin Noth (OF/1B) - defending Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP; out to prove to management that he's worth a lucrative multi-year contract (management not so sure about that)
Meghan Potter (OF) - preseason frontrunner for the Gerry DiNardo/Glen Mason Comeback Player of the Year award
Matt Slieter (UT) - unknown commodity; a wily journeyman who's looking to prove that not all men's basketball SIDs are physically and mentally fragile
Andrea Smith (3B) - still short, but now a short, high-powered attorney who will serve as the franchise's general counsel for all contract negotiations
Jim Strick (UT) - tall; has plans on replacing Kurtt at shortstop just like he replaced Kurtt as men's hockey SID
Emily Wood (UT) - enters season on disabled list; out to prove she's more than just a sparkplug

Key Additions: Alyssa Downing, Matt Slieter, Jim Strick
Key Losses: Kyle Coughlin, Alicia Jerome, Tory Kukowski
Possible Subs: Cahty Behr, Garry Bowman, Chris Cords, Phil Esten, Katie Fornasiere, Kristin Hill, Matt Schroeder, Nate Selvig, Tyler Thomson, Michelle Train, Doug Vose, Kristine Yorde
Tentative Season Opener: April 29