• Actual entries in the police report from the Star Tribune West:
- Carver County, April 27 - A caller on Mockingbird Lane in Waconia said a 29-year-old man was screaming gibberish. The caller believed the man was speaking Latin and that he was possessed by demons. Police were unable to find the man.
- Chanhassen, May 3 - A caller in the 3800 block of Leslee Curve said two squirrels were blocking the door to a residence.
• Knocked-up wife Casey Kurtt attempted to knock out her husband Kevin on Wednesday, firing a softball to the expectant father's cheek bone/jaw. Casey claimed she saw Kevin look up at her before throwing, while Kevin asserts he never once made eye contact with his sweetums. Kevin is now sporting a small bruised bump on the right side of his exceedingly attractive face. "Softballs are anything but," Kevin said.
• Pearl the Landlord says, I want my money!!!
• Jamie Kennedy has a small bathroom break he has to do.
• If you haven't seen Pizzagate at Fenway Park from earlier this season, you haven't lived. Kudos go to the NESN announcers who really rose to the occasion. Stay classy, Boston.
- Part One
- Part Two
• Finally, that guy needs a hug.
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