Michael and Mary Miller of Lakeland, Minn., have announced that their third-eldest daughter, Molly, has been eliminated from contending for Most Favored Daughter (MFD) status (link) as her parents are thoroughly confused by her last name of Casey. According to sources close to the couple, the Millers routinely mix up Molly Casey with their second-eldest daughter, Casey Kurtt.
"It all started at the bridal shop in the months leading up to Molly's wedding," Mary said. "The bridesmaids would show up to get fitted for their dresses. The ladies at the shop would ask for the last names of the bride and groom. Well, you had Molly Miller and you had Kyle Casey, so the file would be labeled 'Miller, Casey.' Well, that's my second-oldest daughter's maiden name and she got her dresses at the same shop for her wedding in 2005. It's no wonder half of the girls in Molly's wedding were dressed in purple while the others were in that champagne color."
The confusion over Molly's relatively new last name has resulted in countless incidences of befuddlement in the Miller household when calling daughters No. 2 and 3.
"Let's see if I can explain this," Mike said. "Before I even make the call, I have Mary verify which kid I'm calling. But we don't refer to them by their first names. If I say I'm going to call Casey, who am I going to call? It could be either one. So now we use code words to refer to the appropriate daughter. If I'm calling Casey Kurtt, we say 'the short one.' If I'm calling Molly Casey, we say 'the one with the huge-ass house."
"The confusion doesn't end there, though," Mike added. "If I call the one with the huge-ass house, they answer the phone by saying 'The Caseys' and I'm right back to being utterly and completely bewildered."
Since Molly's wedding on Nov. 4, 2006, the Millers have mixed up two of their daughters in numerous phone and in-person conversations. Neighbor Bob Keller has seen the effects of the confusing name situation on his longtime friend Mike.
"Out of 10 calls, I'd say there are six that Mike simply does not know who he's talking to," Keller said. "He can't figure out Molly's last name is Casey's first and Casey's first name is Molly's last. Add to that the fact that both of the husbands have two first names (Kyle Casey and Kevin Kurtt), and Mike's about ready to check into the Alzheimer's wing of North Memorial."
Regarding Molly's elimination from consideration for MFD status, the Millers were unapologetic.
"Molly just made too many poor choices," Mary said. "First, she marries a guy with the name Casey. Why couldn't she marry someone with a different Irish name like McDuff or something? Or maybe a good Italian name from my family's lineage as Marconis (link)? Then Molly goes ahead and gets pregnant with a due date within three or four weeks of Casey's. We were confused enough before she got knocked up. Finally, we found out that they're considering naming their kid Jesse. As if we weren't confused enough, they're thinking about using the name of our youngest daughter. As you can see, we really had no choice but to throw her out of the MFD competition."
Molly's elimination for MFD status follows eldest daughter Maggie Miller's elimination in the wake of her indictment as a major player in the alleged Michael Vick dogfighting operation (link). With Maggie and Molly out of the running for MFD, the race comes down to Chanhassen residents Casey Kurtt and Jesse Miller.
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