Two-time CSC Champion Boom Goes the Dynamite exploded for a season-high 15 runs to roll to a five-inning, 15-5 rout of previously undefeated Sugar Tuesday night at the U of M West Bank Fields in Minneapolis. Boom's offensive prowess led the slow-pitch softball franchise back to the .500 mark at 2-2, while Sugar fell to 3-1 for the summer season.
After an embarrassing game-opening pop-up from defending team MVP Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.), Boom's bats caught fire as powerhitters and slappers alike got into the action to claim the squad's first 10-run win since a 24-11 rout of Foul Balls on June 4. Even the good-natured, light-hitting and gullible Kristine Yorde (Plymouth, Minn.) got into the action, going 2-for-3 to nab the Corner Bar Co-Player of the Week honors.
"I was pretty good out there, huh?" Yorde (pictured at left) said. "I think it was all because Katie (Fornasiere) wasn't at the game. She kinda frightens me. I mean, she's nice and all, but I think she uses her last name to intimidate people. She's always saying, 'Do you know who my dad is?' Well, I don't know who he is, but regardless, it was nice not having Katie making sure I do everything the way she does it. I'm my own person. Aren't I?"
Aging slugger Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.) continued his exceptional hitting in the summer season to the point where the Corner Bar Co-Player of the Week maimed Sugar's third baseman with a Vintage Geller line drive down the third baseline. The injury came just moments after Geller, as third-base coach, was witnessed talking to the female third baseman, leading some to believe that the cool-headed Geller was goaded into hitting the liner at the young woman.
"Geller claims that he was just chatting with her and making her feel at ease at the hot corner," wily journeyman pitcher Kyle Coughlin (Golden Valley, Minn.) said. "But I think she said something to Steve that made him snap into a fit of rage. I mean, Coolies was furious as he walked to the batter's box. I'm not sure, but I think that chick was an anti-Semite."
Geller's liner nearly took the third basewoman's right hand clear off, but she stayed in the game, cursing Geller (pictured at right) under her breath. Predictably, with tears streaming down the third basewoman's face, Kurtt hit a strong ground ball down the third baseline in the next at-bat.
The strong hitting from throughout the lineup was marred by yet another baserunning gaffe by league strikeout leader Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.). Following a bases-clearing triple to the left field fence, Noth astonishingly ran towards home after an over-thrown ball, only to see Sugar throw out the bicycle-riding, bad sliding first baseman at third base.
"I've never seen a player go from looking so good to so bad in such a short period of time," former college softball standout and future football secretary Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) said. "Here's Noth in a nutshell. He crushes the ball and over-runs third base. He strikes out in one at-bat and hits line drives in the rest. He revels in helping out the team in whatever wa he can and forgets the difference between the stop and go signs. He buys cleats and yet somehow still manages to fall on his ass and/or face. It's uncanny. He's like a walking oxymoron."
Noth now leads the team in strikeouts (three) and baseruning/base coaching gaffes (three).
In other news, University of Minnesota's Assistant Director of Athletic Compliance Jay Larson was in attendance to look into recent allegations of game fixing by several members of Boom Goes the Dynamite (link).
Boom continues its run to the playoffs next week with a game against Team Neil (1-3) on Tuesday, July 17, at 6:05 p.m., at Diamond #2 of the West Bank Fields.
Notes
• Boom has out-scored its opponents 156-111 in 13 games in the 2007 season.
• Maggie, a Goldy's Gang Mascot of the Year candidate, nearly made everyone throw up when sighted trying to eat a dead bunny behind the Boom bench. Maggie's owner Beth Kurtt was later cited for gross negligence as a pet owner. The other Mascot of the Year candidate in attendance, Cooper, was surprisingly quiet for the majority of the night.
• Prior to the game, a moment of silence was observed for Tory Kukowski, Boom's former left center fielder and current member of the probation-saddled University of Oklahoma athletic department. No mention or recognition was made of superfan wannabe Emily Wickstrom, now a member of the University of Illinois athletic department.
• The outfields at the U of M West Bank fields continue to rank at 16 on the CSC Stimpmeter
• Corner Bar Male Player of the Game: Steve Geller (must be the pink bat)
• Corner Bar Female Player of the Game: Kristine Yorde (second straight game of playing above her means)
• Goat of the Game: Matt Schroeder (he can blame the conditions of the field all he wants, but ground ball in the outfield is a ground ball)
• Fans in attendance: Beth Kurtt, Casey Kurtt, Laura Kurtt, Jay Larson, Michelle Train
• Fan standings: Michelle Train (3 appearances), Emily Wickstrom (3 apps.), Katie Fornasiere (1 app.), Beth Kurtt (1 app.), Casey Kurtt (1 app.), Laura Kurtt (1 app.), Jay Larson (1 app.)
• Mascots in attendance: Cooper, Maggie
• Mascot standings: Koda (2 appearances), Cooper (1 app.), Maggie (1 app.)
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