Providing further evidence that Kyle Coughlin (Golden Valley, Minn.) is blatantly mailing it in in his final days as interim director of the University of Minnesota Athletic Communications office, rookie student worker Kristine Yorde (Plymouth, Minn.) is currently updating months-old golf results on gophersports.com, while Coughlin is out golfing. This development comes just days after Coughlin forced Associate Director of Athletic Communications Shane Sandersfeld (Williamsburg, Iowa) to handle men's golf results from the NCAA Championships in favor of getting drunk in Worthington, Minn.
"I'm just doing my job," Yorde said after singing the Michigan State fight song. "That's more than I can say for Mr. Coughlin. Then again, maybe his golf outing will yield some big things for this office. I'm sure there's a business-related reason for him to go golfing on a Monday. Why else would I be doing golf results that should have been on the website months ago?"
Coughlin left the office around 11:30 a.m., instructing Yorde to update golf results from the 2007 season without instructing Yorde on how to update golf results from the 2007 season. Allegedly, Coughlin did not educate Yorde on the process of updating the website because he has no idea how to do it himself.
"I'm not sure he knows what gophersports.com is," intern extraordinaire Tory Kukowski (Lewiston, Minn.) said after training Yorde on the intricasies of the XOS-run website. "He's damn good at text messaging and IM'ing, but I don't think he has a clue about our website."
Reached at the fourth hole of Chaska Town Course, Coughlin brushed away any criticism on why a helpless student worker is spending her summer vacation making $4.75 an hour doing his job while he is enjoying a sunny day on the golf course. "I'm working on my power fade and my short game, not irrelevant golf results. What I'm really doing is preparing Kristine for a bright future in the athletic communications industry. She should be thanking me. F***, I'm in the trees again."
In addition to allegedly spurning his duties as Golden Gopher golf contact, Coughlin is also expected to miss Boom Goes the Dynamite's playoff opener tonight against Foul Balls, thanks to his 1 p.m., tee time. Team management is certainly not pleased with Coughlin's me-first attitude, and is exploring the language in Coughlin's contract in a possible effort to void the oft-injured infielder's deal with the two-time defending CSC Champions.
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