We Dream of Someday Building Our Very Own Wiffle Ball Park

What is it about Wiffle Ball that just seems to conjure up pleasant memories of childhood days gone by? Days when organized sports didn't dominate the summer schedule. Days when the most fun was had by making up games with your friends in the backyard. There's something magical about Wiffle Ball that we can't quite put our finger on.

Whatever it is, the above video and this photo gallery from a story that appeared in the Star Tribune (and video and corresponding web page) has made us put one more thing on our list of things to do before we die. We now pledge to build a Wiffle Ball field in our yard at some point in the not-too-distant future (we live in a townhouse now, so we don't technically own our yard...otherwise we'd be designing the field dimensions as we speak). And we'll start a Wiffle Ball league. As long as you can walk, you can play. Start forming your four-player teams now.

We don't, however, have any aspirations (nor chance) of being able to throw a Wiffle Ball like these guys:

The Boom Box Score - Skeet Skeet 18, Boom Goes the Dynamite 13

Boom Goes the Dynamite moved its St. Louis Park Mixed C League record to 2-2 with an embarrassing 18-13 loss to Skeet Skeet on Tuesday. win over Absolute Bail Bonds on last night. Leading 13-10 entering the top of the fifth, Boom apparently decided as a team to forget how to catch and throw a softball, allowing Skeet Skeet to plate eight runs. The scoring rally was augmented by a flat-out godawful call by USSSA umpire Susan H. Keller. Mentally fried from the beatdown suffered in the top half of the inning, Boom failed to mount any sort of rally in the bottom of the fifth to hand Skeet its first win.

Boom looks to get back in the win column against The Chiefs on June 3 at 6:15 p.m., at Dakota Park West.

Game notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com):
* Duffy's Pizza Three Stars of the Game: 1. Cathy Behr, 2. Doug Vose, 3. Meghan Potter.
* The following Boom players committed one or more errors: Kevin Kurtt, Jeff Keiser, Meghan Potter, Kevin Noth, Steve Geller.
* Kevin Kurtt saw his hitting streak come to an end at seven at-bats.
* Cathy Behr posted a 2.000 slugging percentage with her single and triple. Kevin Kurtt followed at 1.333 with a double and a pair of singles.
* Kurtt and Behr recorded Boom's third and fourth sac flies of the year.
* Behr took a ball to the back of her neck while stretching a double into a triple.
* Behr and Keiser recorded their first triples of the season.
* Behr earned her team-leading third Duffy's Pizza Three Stars of the Game accolade.
* Meghan Potter made her first appearance in the infield this season.
* Potter notched her fourth consecutive multi-RBI game.
* Alyssa Downing and Kevin Kurtt failed to record an extra-base hit for the first time this season.
* Steve Geller was the lone Boom player without a hit on the night at 0-for-3.
* Doug Vose went 3-for-3 with 3 RBI in his Boom debut.
* For the first time this season, aging hurler Steve Geller did not allow a home run.
* Geller failed to record a strikeout for the second consecutive game.
* Though he allowed 22 hits and four walks, Geller was only charged with three earned runs.
* Boom has drawn two walks this season, while Boom's opponents have reached base on balls 12 times.
* Geller's strikeout-to-walk ratio stands at 1:3.
* Former Boom Goes the Dynamite "slugger" Tory Kukowski made an appearance as a fan.

The Race That Was Never Run

Approximately four years ago, one of this nation's most significant sporting events was conceived during lunch in Dinkytown on the campus of the University of Minnesota. Billed as a showdown between former college track athlete turned athletic communications staffer with little to no life skills Shane Sandersfeld and former very mediocre high school track athlete turned athletic communications staffer with grandiose opinions of his athletic abilities Kevin Kurtt, the event came to be known as the Race of the Decade. Then the Race of the Century. Then the Race of the Millenium. Then Just Run & Be Done.

That race was never run. Here's a brief history of The Race...

Race of the Decade
- Originally set for May 18, 2004
- Came about when Sandersfeld claimed he could beat anybody in the office in any race over any distance
- Kurtt called him out on his claim
- Race distance was set at 400 meters - a distance both Sandersfeld and Kurtt ran in high school
- John Miller Enterprises signs on as chief promoter of Race of the Decade
- Victory Sports agrees to broadcast Race of the Decade...tape-delayed
- Race of the Decade PR Director Jeff Keiser creates and distributes promotional materials to BFAB staff
- Hype reaches an apex a few days before the race
- A survey is conducted in the office to determine who will win, based on a number of factors (weather, cardiovascular strength, experience, girlfriend, etc.)
- Sandersfeld is installed as the pre-race favorite by a small margin
- Then-Gopher running back Laurence Maroney backs Sandersfeld as his favorite
- The day before the race, Kurtt decides to test his fitness by running a 400 around the Edina Community Center track
- Kurtt runs a decent time, but comes up lame the next morning with a pulled calf muscle
- Controversy ensues when the race is postponed due to injury
- Sandersfeld claims Kurtt is faking it
- Maroney calls Kurtt a quitter
- John Miller Enterprises pulls out of The Race of the Decade, never to return
- Victory Sports remains steadfast in their dedication to broadcast the event
- A year goes by

Race of the Century
- Originally set for May 18, 2005
- Keiser, in conjunction with Nick Joos Studios, revives the race, renaming it the Race of the Century
- Despite not in existence any more, Victory Sports stays committed to televising the event
- Keiser re-creates promotional materials for the race
- Marc Ryan signed as official timer for the race
- A new survey is conducted in the office to determine who will win - Kurtt is the runaway winner of the survey as voters cited Sandersfeld's poor eating habits and overall lack of quality life skills
- For some reason, May 18, 2005, comes and goes with no race
- Every so often during the summer, the race gets brought up, but fails to materialize into anything
- Idea of a race between Sandersfeld and Kurtt fades away
- Early 2006, Sandersfeld breaks neck

Race of the Millenium
- Despite broken neck, Sandersfeld wants to revive the race upon his return to the office
- More controversy ensues as staffers debate whether or not Sandersfeld running is a good thing given his condition
- Sandersfeld puts the race ahead of his well-being, saying he wants to run just to put the event in the past
- Kurtt wants no part of the race, telling Sandersfeld, "I will not be a part of your death"
- Risk of death, or at the very least paralysis, results in the presumably permanent cancellation of the race

Just Run & Be Done
- Keiser, in conjunction with Mahdi Marketing & Promotions, revives the race, renaming it Just Run & Be Done
- In favor of running, Sandersfeld continues to put the race ahead of his life
- Kurtt mulls it over, still not wanting to be a part of Sandersfeld's death
- Big Ten Network, in an effort to fill the massive holes in its broadcast schedule between actual present-day sporting events, signs on as the official television partner of the race
- Former U of M employee and current BTN staffer Kyle Coughlin named sole talent for broadcast
- Kurtt agrees to race, knowing full well it's never going to happen

Boom Goes the Dynamite Makes Pages of Tabloid Rag Again

For the second time this season, Boom Goes the Dynamite has appeared in an issue of Let's Play Softball/Let's Play Baseball. Boom, featuring photos of game 3 star Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.) and veteran utility player Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.), graces page 13 of the May 22 edition of "Minnesota's premier softball publication" (phrase used courtesy of Ryan Maus).

Boom originally appeared in the April 24 edition of the tabloid rag (link). Hmm, we wonder who the editor of that publication is...

The Boom Box Score - Boom Goes the Dynamite 21, Absolute Bail Bonds 20

Boom Goes the Dynamite moved its St. Louis Park Mixed C League record to 2-1 with a nailbiting 21-20 win over Absolute Bail Bonds on last night. Trailing by one run entering the bottom of the seventh, Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) led off the inning with a triple to complete a 4-for-4 night. Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) drove Kurtt in for the tying run and was followed on the basepaths with a single by Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.). Keiser’s single was his third hit of the night, following his first two career home runs. The stage was set for Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.) to cap a 5-for-5, four RBI night with a liner to left center to score Potter from second for the game-winning run.

Boom looks to start a winning streak against Skeet Skeet on May 27 at 6 p.m., at Dakota Park East.

Game notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com):
* Cathy Behr's five-hit game set a 2008 season record.
* Behr recorded her second career walk-off game-winning hit. She had one three years ago with the Gas On The Fire.
* Jeff Keiser's two home runs and five RBI set 2008 Boom season records.
* Jeff Keiser recorded the Boom family of franchises' first-ever two-home run game.
* Kevin Kurtt has six consecutive hits, tying Boom's season-high
(Alyssa Downing).
* Keiser posted a 2.250 slugging percentage with his two dingers and one single. Kevin Kurtt followed at 1.750 with a triple, double and pair of singles.
* Kevin Kurtt nearly injured Andrea Smith in the on-deck circle with a wayward, haphazard toss of his bat after hitting a double in the fourth innning, striking the star third baseman in the right shin. X-rays were negative on the shin after the game.
* Kevin Noth maimed the Absolute Bail Bonds pitcher with a screaming liner, forcing her from the mound. Showing no care or remorse, Noth proceeded to take second base on an errant throw after her teammates were clearly shaken.
* Andrea Smith recorded Boom's second sac fly of the year. Steve Geller has scored on both sac flys this season.
* Alyssa Downing's three-game, six at-bat hitting/on-base streak came to an end as the rookie utility player went 2-for-4.
* Downing hit her team-leading second triple of the season, only to get tagged out between third and home on a baserunning gaffe.
* In his first action as a Boom member, Matt Slieter went 2-for-3 with three RBI on a bases-clearing triple. Slieter was administered oxygen immediately.
* Boom recorded a team record four triples.
* Aging hurler Steve Geller allowed a grand slam home run for the third consecutive game.
* Geller has now allowed five home runs in his last three starts.
* Geller failed to record a strikeout for the first time this season.
* Boom has drawn one walk this season (Andrea Smith last night), while Booms opponents have reach base on balls eight times.
* Geller's strikeout-to-walk ratio stands at 1:2.
* Geller hit a home run in the bottom of the fifth, but the round-tripper was disallowed due to Boom exceeding its home run limit (2).
* Boom Goes the Dynamite enjoyed its largest fan base of the season as Katie Fornasiere, and Jim, Beth, Laura and Kieran Kurtt witnessed last night's win.
* Maggie made the first appearance by a mascot this season.
* With the win, Boom Goes the Dynamite earned an article in this week's Let's Play Softball. On page 13, Cathy Behr and Kevin Noth are featured with photographs in Minnesota's premier softball publication.

All Nude...Tastefully Done

Some of you may remember this classic ESPN the Magazine spot featuring former Minnesota Timberwolves teammates Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury. We're not NBA fans around here at all, but we remember how excited we were to have Garnett and Marbury together back in the late 90s. Sadly, nothing came of the partnership except this hilarious ad. Plus, ESPN the Magazine has done neither a swimsuit nor an all-nude (but tastefully done) issue.

That's important...very important...to be tasteful.

The Boom Box Score - Green Giants 19, Boom Goes the Dynamite 18

Boom Goes the Dynamite suffered its first loss of the season on May 13, falling 19-18 to the Green Giants in a five-inning game at Dakota Park East. Down 19-8 going into the bottom of the fourth, Boom rallied with nine runs to pull within two. Boom then went 1-2-3 in the top of the fifth, setting up the deciding at-bat in the bottom half of the inning. With one out, ailing first baseman Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) knocked in aging hurler Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.) with a single to cut the Giants' lead to one. With team sparkplug Emily Wood (Wausau, Wis.) on second and Kurtt on first, Comeback Player of the Year candidate Casey Kurtt (Lakeland, Minn.) came to bat with the chance to play the hero. Unfortunately, the dimimuitive utility player/mom grounded out to perennial Giant All-Star third baseman Sam Nzigamasabo who proceeded to turn a 5-3 double play to end the rally and keep the Green Giants undefeated at 2-0. Boom (1-1) looks to bounce back this week against Absolute Bail Bonds on May 20 at 7 p.m., at Dakota Park East.

Some quick notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com):
* Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.) hit the first official home run in the history of the Boom Goes the Dynamite franchise. All prior dingers were unofficial as Boom (and its defunct franchises) had not played on a field with fences until this season.
* Alyssa Downing (Marshall, Minn.) hit Boom's first triple of the season, using some questionable baserunning to make it to third base.
* Not a single fan or mascot attended the game.
* Despite earning the loss, Geller's K-to-walk ratio was 2:1.
* Geller has now allowed three home runs in his last two starts.
* Kevin Kurtt hit the first sacrifice fly of the season.
* For the second straight game, Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) led Boom with three RBI.
* Potter recorded the first game of the season with multiple extra-base hits.
* Downing owns a perfect 1.000 batting average, reaching base in all six of her at-bats. She is followed by Kevin Kurtt (.857), Potter (.714) and Jim Strick (.714).
* Boom has not drawn a walk this season.
* On the season, Geller has struck out eight, while allowing only four walks.

Happy Cinco de Mayo. Now Beware of Flying Drums

America and Mexico may have their differences (NAFTA, immigration, etc.), but are we really all that different? To wit:

Fourth of July in America: "What better way to celebrate the birth of your country than by blowing up a small part of it?"



Cinco de Mayo in Mexico: "What better way to celebrate your country's pride and heritage than by hurling a bass drum at a riot cop in the stands during a soccer game?"

And Now, Drunk Monkeys

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Heavyfooters. We're not sure why our Hispanic friends get all fired up over May 5, but then again, why do the Irish (and Irish wannabes) get all juiced on St. Patrick's Day? Because there will undoubtedly by plenty of imbibing of Dos Equis and Corona tonight, we issue the following alcohol-related documentary. So, without futher ado, drunk monkeys.

The Boom Box Score - Boom Goes the Dynamite 15, Myslajek Ltd. 9

Now that Boom Goes the Dynamite is in an actual league that requires teams to actually keep score in an actual scorebook, we bring you the first installment of an actual box score - from Boom's 15-9 actual season-opening win over Myslajek Ltd.

Some quick notes from the box score:
* The batting averages of Boom's bottom of the order - the bottom four batting averages for the night (nice managing work by rookie bench boss Michelle Train).
* Aging hurler Steve Geller struck out four in seven innings of work - quite the feat in slowpitch softball.
* Jim Strick (3-for-4, 3 RBI) and Alyssa Downing (3-for-3, 2 RBI) emerged as the frontrunners for the 2008 edition of the Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Award (disclaimer: Strick and Downing were the lone rookies in the game).
* With their 1.000 batting averages, Kevin Kurtt (4-for-4, 3 runs scored) and Downing are the early favorites for the Victory Sports Silver Stick Award.
* Every Boom player reached base except 10-day acquistion Kristine Yorde. Likewise, all but two Boom players scored (Yorde, Kevin Noth).
* Due to the absence of Lisa Hardy and Alicia Jerome in the lineup, Boom did not draw a single walk for the game.

Game story hopefully to come later.

Questions Abound as Boom Opens 2008 Season

Boom Goes the Dynamite, a slowpitch softball franchise with ties to the defunct Low Expectations, Gas on the Fire and I'm With Stupid, opens its 2008 St. Louis Park League season tonight with a contest against Myslajek Ltd. (a team chock full of accountants) at 6:15 p.m., at Dakota Park (click here for map). Mr. Heavyfoot sat down with Let's Play Softball staff writer Don Bowman for his analysis on Boom's laundry list of question marks.

Question: Will arm injuries to mediocre shortstop/team president Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) and servicable outfielder/general manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.) have a major impact on Boom?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Kurtt will give up his shortstop position to Jim Strick, much like he gave up his hockey SID position to the Bucky-lover. Kurtt will, in turn, platoon at first base with Kevin Noth and Lisa Hardy. Offseason rotator cuff surgery looks likely. Keiser, meanwhile, will make the move to the pitcher's mound, replacing Steve Geller. It's surprising that it has taken Keiser this long to recognize the injury, given it originally happened on May 17, 2006 (link).

Question: Can utility player/team hustler Casey Kurtt (Lakeland, Minn.) return to pre-knocked-up form after giving birth to an astonishingly cute son (proof of cuteness here)?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If I've learned anything about Mrs. Kurtt it's that she will stop at nothing to lead Boom to victory. To wit: link.

Question: Will outfielder/team social coordinator Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) revert to her Little Miss Lackadaisical alter ego or will she regain her early-2000s form that saw her earn All-Iron Range accolades as a Hibbing High Bluejacket?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: She was the first player to pay team president Kevin Kurtt her player dues and she seems genuinely excited about proving herself in 2008. Still, I'm not sold. There's just too much history of half-assed play from this former Academic All-NCC honoree. That being said, if she shows half the enthusiasm she showed during her stint as Tom Wistrcill's assistant, Boom management will be happy.

Question: Will the pending unemployment of "Tory Kukowski Memorial Outfielder" Ryan Maus (Northfield, Minn.) be a major distraction?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Not really. With no job in athletic media relations lined up, Maus is primed to re-enter the blogging world as one of the foremost Twins bloggers in the land. Plus, nothing can wipe the smile off this guy's face (link).

Question: Will rangy utility player Jim Strick (Oshkosh, Wis.) drag down Boom much like he did to the 2007-08 edition of Golden Gopher hockey?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: He better not. Strick's involvement with the Gopher hockey program may or may not have led to the name of Minnesota's Pride on Ice being sullied. If Boom sees a first-game season-ending injury to a star player, a mid-season departure from another star player or a seventh-place league finish, team management will have no choice but to blame Strick and send him back to Wisco.

Question: Will the loss of team cancer Kyle Coughlin (Golden Valley, Minn.) spell great things for Boom in 2008?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Losing Coughlin to the Windy City was the best thing to happen to Boom in the offseason. That, and the jettisoning of perennial Nick Joos Disappointment of the Year frontrunner Alicia Jerome.

Question: Will Boom's superfans follow the franchise from the God-forsaken fields of the U of M and Lake Nokomis to the pastoral green grass and fenced-in fields of St. Louis Park?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If ticket sales for tonight are any indication, fans will have no problem leaving behind the overzealous park police of Lake Nokomis and the overzealous parking Nazis at the U of M. Scheduled to appear tonight is the entire Kurtt clan - Jim, Beth, Laura, Cooper, Maggie and in his debut appearance, Kieran - as well as Emily Wood (of Emily Wood Team Spirit Award fame). In related news, new manager Michelle Traen is no longer eligible for the Jeannie/Cowboy Bob Superfan of the Year Award.

Question: Can longtime superfan Michelle Train (Taunton, Minn.) handle the pressure as Boom's first-ever full-time manager or will she crumple under the intense media and fan scrutiny in Isaiah Thomas-like fashion?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Let's face it, Train is a puppet of the ownership regime. Do you really think owner/team president Kevin Kurtt and his bobo, general manager Jeff Keiser are going to allow Train to run the show without interference from the front office? No way. Train = Joe Girardi; Kurtt and Keiser = Hank Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman, respectively.

Question: Will aging hurler Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.) and perennial playoff stud Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.) once again serve as Boom's fashion plates for the 2008 season?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Yes. Tank tops and black sweatpants for everyone!

Question: Did part-timer Lisa Hardy (Hopkins, Minn.) find any speed in the offseason?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Not likely.

Question: Will third baseman/new attorney Andrea Smith (Golden Valley, Minn.) attempt to capitalize on personal injury lawsuits when Boom players inevitably get hurt?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: I really can't predict this one. Is Smith a young attorney primed for big things in the legal world or is she just an ambulance chaser? Is she cut from the same cloth as Ruth Bader Ginsburg or Jack Prescott? Is she more Johnnie Cochran or Jackie Childs? The jury is still out on this one (bada bing!).

Question: Does rookie utility player Alyssa Downing's (Marshall, Minn.) involvement with J Robinson Camps mean Boom players won't be allowed to drink water and/or will be forced to run the bases holding dumbbells above their heads for punishment for errors committed in the field?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: I smell a possible Andrea Smith lawsuit if Downing pulls any of those shenanigans.

Question: Will team sparkplug Emily Wood (Wausau, Wis.) be able to win the Emily Wood Team Spirit Award?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If she doesn't, there's something seriously wrong with the voting process. Who's more upbeat than Wood? Excluding Smilin' Ryan Maus, of course.

Question: Will "Tory Kukowski Memorial Intern" wannabe Doug Vose (Mankato, Minn.) ever see playing time?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If this team wants to win, they'll keep Vose where he belongs: answering phones and cutting out news clippings. I know he's close with Cal Ripken and all, but the vast majority of Boom's prior experiments with using students failed miserably (see: Dave "Cheese" Reidinger).

Question: Will wily journeyman Matt Slieter (Owatonna, Minn.) be as bitter and physically fragile as the player he replaced (Coughlin)?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Haven't we savaged Coughlin enough? I mean, he's been accused of having no heart, but he, in fact, has a bigger heart than anyone this franchise has ever seen. And Coughlin can prove it. Just ask him (and his Mayo Clinic test results). As far as Slieter, he has no reason to be bitter. He's not working for the worst-run sports franchise this side of the New York Knicks anymore. True, he's working in the land of search committees, teammates of the month, recruit-retain-reward (ha!), Eric Ferris, Gregg Shimanski, Leo, Joe, and the like, but that's nothing compared to his former employer (read: Ndudi Ebi).

Question: His final 2007 game notwithstanding, does former Boom outfielder Tory Kukowski (Lewiston, Minn.) provide his Oklahoma-based softball team with a couple of cans-of-corn every game like he did with Boom?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: What does this have to do with Boom's 2008 season? Nothing? Right. I'll still answer the question. Yes. Yes he does.

Question: Can tall infielder Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.) be expected to step into the shoes left by former second baseman/current mom-to-be Alicia Jerome (Kirkland, Wash.)?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Yes. I've got nothing here.

Question: Who will win the newly-created Alicia Jerome Memorial "Knocked Up" Award?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: I wouldn't dare venture a guess, but here are the past winners (retroactively rewarded from 2004):
2005 Kimberly Lockrem
2006 Lori Noth
2007 Casey Kurtt
2008 Alicia Jerome

Question: Will Steve Geller be swinging for the fences every at bat now that there are actual fences? Also, will Geller swing at a pitch below eye level at any point this season? Finally, will Geller's nearby apartment (to Dakota Park) be a postgame destination for Boom?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Yes, No and You Better Hope Not.

Question: Will Boom be content with just playing on fields with real grass and fences, or will they recapture their "Just Winners" style from the 2006 season?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: The first one.

Once Again, It's Time for Us to Show Off the Kid

It's been awhile (since Dec. 6) since we've shown off our now-6-month-old son, Kieran. So here's an album from his fifth month that we put together on facebook. Obviously, he got his good looks from mom. What dad provided we're no so sure. Perhaps the belly. Click here for the photos.

Boom Goes the Dynamite Hits the Big Time

"All the fake news that's really not all that fit to print." That's the subhead to this mediocre blog that we run on an on-again, off-again basis. Well, file this under "news that looks fake, but isn't; news that probably shouldn't be printed, but is."

On page 15 of the April 24 edition of Let's Play Softball/Let's Play Baseball (think of it as Let's Play Hockey's awkward cousin), you'll find the above page. No joke. Boom Goes the Dynamite is published in a somewhat-respected softball/baseball publication. Needless to say, the paper was hurting for content for this issue. Tabloid rag, indeed.

FYI, Let's Play Softball/Let's Play Baseball has a circulation of approximatley 6,000.

Sadly This Video Features No Fox 9 Reporters

Given our history working with the esteemed media in the Twin Cities, we developed a measure of disdain for the local news/sports TV reporters. We're talking about you, Trish Van Pilsum.

It is for that reason we took great pleasure in watching the above video of reporters getting embarrassed, maimed, clawed, tackled, blown up, and hit by a professional wrestler, horse, plane, pie, purse, cat, guy on an inner tube, etc.

Our personal favorites are the CNN reporter getting tackled and the female reporter getting absolutely buried by a passing snowplow.

Best line from the video: "Put that on the news."

Fun With Your Baby, His Bumbo Seat and Stop Motion Video

While we work on the major Boom Goes the Dynamite announcement (warning: you may or may not consider the announcement "major"), we present a video we find amusing probably because we're the parents of a child about the age of the baby in the video. The description from collegehumor.com sums up this video quite well: "By the time this was done, he could speak and make his own videos.

Your 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Schedule

The 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite schedule has been released by team president Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) and general manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.). The 2008 season will see Boom compete in the St. Louis Park Co-Rec D League after a lengthy stay with CSC Sports. Eleven of Boom's 12 games will take place at Dakota Park (click here for map), while the season finale will be at Aquila Park (click here for map). In the event of unfavorable weather conditions, call the St. Louis Park Weather Line at 952-924-2567 for updates on possible game cancellations.

Also, stay tuned to Mr. Heavyfoot for a major team announcement that may or may not involve a person that appears on the above team poster.

2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Schedule

April 29 - Myslajek Ltd. - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

May 6 - HGH - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota West

May 13 - Green Giants - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota East

May 20 - Absolute Bail Bonds - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota East

May 27 - Skeet Skeet - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

June 3 - The Chiefs - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota West

June 10 - Jobdig - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota West

June 17 - Absolute Bail Bonds - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

June 24 - Myslajek Ltd. - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota East

July 1 - The Chiefs - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota West

July 8 - Jobdig - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

July 15 - Green Giants - 9:15 p.m. - Aquila Field #2

* italics indicate Boom as the home team

Your 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Preseason Team Roster

Mr. Heavyfoot is back. Why? It's softball season and what better place than here to post satirical game stories from everybody's favorite slowpitch softball team Boom Goes the Dynamite. Things have mightily changed since we last heard from Boom, namely the team's controversial decision to pull up their stakes from the godawful CSC Sports league in favor of the fences and real grass of the St. Louis Park Softball League. Boom will be competing on Tuesday nights in the SLP Co-Rec D League at Aquila and Dakota parks.

So, without further ado, may we present to you the 2008 edition of Boom Goes the Dynamite (subject to change):

Alyssa Downing (UT) - appears on the preseason Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Watch List
Steve Geller (P/OF) - will undoubtedly be swinging for the fences at every at-bat; looking for first injury-free season since 2004
Lisa Hardy (1B) - may be a part-timer in 2008; worked on her footspeed in offseason
Jeff Keiser (P/OF) - looking to prove Beth Kurtt wrong when she voted him as the Nick Joos Disappointment of the Year in 2007; just happy to be playing on real grass
Casey Kurtt (C/2B) - returns to full-time status after giving birth to an astonishingly-cute baby boy (paternity tests pending)
Kevin Kurtt (SS/UT) - packed on some ample winter weight in the offseason to bolster his inconsistent power hitting; will battle to keep his starting position at SS
Ryan Maus (OF) - appears on the preseason Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP Watch List; will his pending unemployment be a distraction this season?
Kevin Noth (OF/1B) - defending Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP; out to prove to management that he's worth a lucrative multi-year contract (management not so sure about that)
Meghan Potter (OF) - preseason frontrunner for the Gerry DiNardo/Glen Mason Comeback Player of the Year award
Matt Slieter (UT) - unknown commodity; a wily journeyman who's looking to prove that not all men's basketball SIDs are physically and mentally fragile
Andrea Smith (3B) - still short, but now a short, high-powered attorney who will serve as the franchise's general counsel for all contract negotiations
Jim Strick (UT) - tall; has plans on replacing Kurtt at shortstop just like he replaced Kurtt as men's hockey SID
Emily Wood (UT) - enters season on disabled list; out to prove she's more than just a sparkplug

Key Additions: Alyssa Downing, Matt Slieter, Jim Strick
Key Losses: Kyle Coughlin, Alicia Jerome, Tory Kukowski
Possible Subs: Cahty Behr, Garry Bowman, Chris Cords, Phil Esten, Katie Fornasiere, Kristin Hill, Matt Schroeder, Nate Selvig, Tyler Thomson, Michelle Train, Doug Vose, Kristine Yorde
Tentative Season Opener: April 29

Wondergirl Carly vs. Cody Paul

It's been a while since we've posted pretty much anything, so today we bring you video of child prodigies on the gridiron - Wondergirl Carly and Cody Paul. The Carly videos are from 1991 when she was the only girl in the 9-year-old's flag football league (and the No. 1 draft pick), while the Cody Paul video is from this year. Sadly, Carly didn't really go on to become a star in the sports world (damn you, puberty), and Cody will probably get caught up in a web of sports agents, overbearing parents, unscrupulous coaches and perhaps Guitar Hero III.

Would the real Hockeytown USA please stand up?

This article appears in the Dec. 13 edition of Let's Play Hockey.

In the Oct. 18 issue of Let’s Play Hockey, I brought you a not-quite-comprehensive list of what it means to be a hockey fan in Minnesota. Atop that list was the following item: “You might be a hockey fan in Minnesota if…you get ticked off when you hear Detroit call itself ‘Hockeytown USA.’”

Well, scratch that one off the list and move over Detroit. There’s a new Hockeytown USA in, well, town.

In last week’s edition of Sports Illustrated, Michael Farber dethroned the Motor City and handed over the mythical title to St. Paul. Detroit lost its designation as Hockeytown USA largely due to lackluster attendance at Red Wings games and waning interest in the sport of hockey in Michigan’s largest city.

St. Paul, Farber wrote, is hockey’s epicenter in the U.S. mainly because of the NHL’s Minnesota Wild, a franchise that has gone out of its way to be respectful of the game, its fans and the countless hockey players in the state.

Farber’s conclusion has certainly been greeted with pride here in the Twin Cities as it seems the nation now has been told what we have known all along: the game of hockey holds a special place in the hearts of countless Minnesotans – something you just don’t see in other areas of the country.

What Farber fails to recognize, however, is the inadequacy of naming just one Minnesota city as Hockeytown USA. Although it’s truly just a marketing slogan the Wild cooked up in their nod to grassroots hockey in Minnesota, “The State of Hockey” really does capture what the sport means to this state. Congratulations to St. Paul for its new moniker, but Hockeytown USA doesn’t just reside in Minnesota’s capital and second-largest city.

Here in Minnesota (not just in St. Paul), hockey is strongly woven into our fabric of life. Learning to skate, shoot and stickhandle is a rite of passage for countless Minnesota kids every winter in cities and towns across the state.

As SI’s lead NHL writer, Farber surely based much of his article on what he has witnessed and experienced at the Xcel Energy Center during Wild games. Obviously, without the Wild, St. Paul wouldn’t have received a sniff of gaining Hockeytown USA status.

The fact remains, however, that hockey in this state doesn’t begin or end with the Minnesota Wild. If the Wild were to pack their bags tomorrow, the game would thrive as it has since hockey’s origins in this country in the late 19th century.

Hockey in Minnesota is about trudging through the snow to reach the warming house at the local park. It’s about skipping school or work to go to or watch the state high school tournament. It’s about clearing your schedule on Friday and Saturday nights in the winter to watch the Gophers. It’s about hockey moms (and dads). It’s about rivalries. It’s about Mites, Squirts, PeeWees, Bantams and a nation-leading population of girls’ hockey players.

But let’s give credit to St. Paul where it’s due. Our capital city hosts the hockey equivalent to the Indiana state basketball and Texas state football tournaments. No one can argue that the Minnesota State High School Hockey Tournament at the Xcel Energy Center is the best prep hockey event in the nation, and perhaps the world.

In that same vein, St. Paul is home to several of the state’s perennial and historical high school hockey powers. From St. Paul Johnson’s four titles, to Hill-Murray’s 10 top three finishes, to Cretin-Derham Hall’s recent state championship, St. Paul is no slouch in the prep hockey ranks.

St. Paul is also home to possibly the most successful college hockey tournament in the country – the WCHA Final Five. The WCHA postseason tournament will make its eighth straight appearance at the X next March and regularly draws nearly 90,000 fans during the three-day event.

Obviously, St. Paul wouldn’t be the city we know today without the Wild and the X. Kudos certainly go to the entire Wild organization for the model franchise the have built while always staying referential to the state’s hockey culture.

All that being said, St. Paul just happens to be the largest of Minnesota’s many Hockeytowns. From tiny Taconite (pop. 315) to mighty Minneapolis (387,970) and every city, suburb, burg, hamlet municipality and whistle stop in between, we are a state of Hockeytowns.

There’s Eveleth – home of the U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame. The small Iron Range town (pop. 3631) certainly has a right to call itself a Hockeytown as both John Mayasich and John Mariucci called Eveleth home before going on to become synonymous with hockey in the state of Minnesota and beyond.

An historical powerhouse in high school boys hockey, the Eveleth Bears have made 13 appearances in the state high school tournament, winning five titles.

Finally and perhaps most notably, Eveleth is home to the world’s second-largest hockey stick. What more evidence is needed that Eveleth is a Hockeytown?

But what about Bloomington? The former home of the North Stars and the Met Center, the fourth-largest city in the state can claim Hockeytown status due largely to its 23 state tournament appearances between high schools Jefferson and Kennedy.

Minneapolis’ largest suburb is also home to the Bloomington Ice Garden, a training home of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team. Several NHLers also call Bloomington home, including Mike Crowley, Ben Clymer, Mark Parrish, Erik Johnson, Tom Gilbert, Dan Trebil and Peter Mueller.

That’s impressive, but what about the hockey tradition in Roseau? A town of only 2,879, the home of the Rams has produced a staggering number of elite hockey players. From two U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame players (Aaron & Neal Broten) to seven Olympians to nine players with NHL experience to 17 current pro, junior or college players, Roseau is a virtual breeding ground for hockey talent.

It comes as no suprise that the Rams own a record 31 state tournament appearances, seven state titles and 51 state tournament wins.

If a powerhouse in hockey is what we’re after, then how about Edina? The adopted home of legendary coach Willard Ikola (he’s an Eveleth native), the Edina high school tradition is as strong as nearly any other. As a city, Edina has made 29 appearances in the state tournament, winning nine championships.

The home of the Hornets also boasts one of the largest youth hockey associations in the state (and maybe the country). Not only are the numbers strong, but Edina’s youth teams are forces to be reckoned with as evidenced by the 13 teams currently sitting in the top 10 in this week’s Let’s Play Hockey rankings.

By now, the residents of the original Hockeytown USA are fuming. Just four miles from the Canadian border, Warroad was Hockeytown USA 50 years before the Detroit Red Wings marketing gurus absconded with the name.

A town of just 1,739, Warroad has sent over 50 native sons to Divison I hockey programs since 1947 and is home to Olympians Gordon “Ginny” Christian, Billy Christian, Roger Christian, Dan McKinnon, Henry Boucha and Dave Christian.

Five Warroad natives – Henry Boucha, Billy Christian, Dave Christian, Roger Christian and Cal Marvin – are members of the U.S. Hockey Hall of Fame.

In addition, the Warroad Warrior boys’ hockey team has captured four state championships and has made 18 combined appearances in the state tournament.
Clearly, the Warrior hockey tradition gives Warroad a claim to its long-held Hockeytown USA title.

Hockey tradition is alive and well in countless other communities throughout the State of Hockey.

There’s Baudette, home of former Gopher and current Phoenix Coyotes defenseman Keith Ballard and nearby Lake of the Woods – host of a pair of high school hockey games next Feb. 9, on Baudette Bay as part of the Second Annual Hockey Day Minnesota.

Don’t forget Duluth, home of several high school hockey powerhouses, including three-time champion Duluth East and current boys’ No. 1 Duluth Marshall. The seaport also boasts a rich college hockey tradition with the Minnesota Duluth Bulldogs and its most famous alum, future Hockey Hall of Famer Brett Hull.

Serving as the the southern portion of the state’s top hockey town, Rochester has, between four of its high schools, made 23 appearances at the state tournament, led by John Marshall’s six appearances and its shocking 1977 state championship.

Minneapolis can throw its name into the hat if only because it’s the home of the headquarters of Let’s Play Hockey. Seriously though, Minnesota’s largest city boasts a wealth of hockey amidst its nearly 400,000 residents. From the University of Minnesota men’s and women’s Golden Gophers to the U.S. Pond Hockey Championships on Lake Nokomis to the numerous outdoor rinks at parks throughout the city, Minneapolis is as much a hockey town as any.

Beyond Duluth and Eveleth, the Iron Range owns a plethora of hockey towns, including Don Lucia and Bill Baker’s Grand Rapids, the Michelettis’ Hibbing and Matt Niskanen, John Harrington and the Hanson Brothers’ (Jeff and Steve Carlson) Virginia.

Northern Minnesota boasts even more hockey towns with International Falls (seven state titles), Moorhead (eight top three finishes) and Cloquet (home of NHLers Jamie Langenbrunner, Derek Plante and Corey Millen).

On the road back to the Twin Cities, you may drive past St. Cloud, home of the Huskies and the National Hockey Center.

Back in the metro area, hockey hotbeds abound with Roseville and South St. Paul’s rich boys and girls hockey history, White Bear Lake’s pedigree of natives such as Brian Bonin, David Tanabe and Moose Goheen, and newer hockey towns like Eden Prairie and Woodbury.

Almost anywhere you travel in the State of Hockey, you’ll find a town where hockey is king.

St. Paul may have the ceremonial label of Hockeytown USA, but we all know hockey in this state is about more than just one town. Both Hockeytown USA and The State of Hockey are really just brilliant marketing slogans, but the Wild’s slogan gets credit for capturing what Minnesota is all about – a state chock full of hockey towns.

Hockeytown USA may have a new home, but thanks to Sports Illustrated, the residents of Warroad, Eveleth, Edina, Roseau and countless other Minnesota hockey towns, may release their own list of what it means to be a hockey fan in their city, leading off with, “You get ticked off when you hear St. Paul call itself ‘Hockeytown USA.’”

EDIT: Never mind. Wherever this guy is from is the new Hockeytown USA:



Air mic: Check.

Leg kick: Check

Mullet whip: Check

Spin/fall/recovery: Check.

Beer/dignity/pride/awareness of surroundings: M.I.A.

Just Because I Want to Show Him Off, Here's More Photos of Kieran

Due to popular demand, I bring you more photos of Kieran Michael Kurtt.