Miller Daughters' Bellies Expanding at an Alarming Rate

Independent reports out of Chanhassen and Brooklyn Park, Minn., indicate that the bellies of sisters Casey Kurtt and Molly Casey, are expanding at an alarming rate. Casey, 28, and Molly, 26, the pregnant daughters of Mike and Mary Miller of Lakeland, Minn., are due to give birth on Nov. 4 and 27, respectively.

Casey (pictured above at left) is beginning to resemble a whiter, shorter, livelier Kirby Puckett, while Molly (pictured above at right) looks as though she's gone from sporting an athletic six-pack to a 7.75 gallon pony keg.

The pregnant sisters' weight gain has garnered attention from several sources, ranging from family members to local businesses to area air traffic controllers. Grocery stores in Carver and Hennepin counties have been the most outspoken on the impact the ever-expanding bellies of Casey and Molly have had on business.

"Our supply and demand was doing just fine in the first quarter of 2007," Cub Food Midwest Region Vice President Brad Storch said. "But beginning in late winter and early spring, we experienced vast food shortages at our Chanhassen and Brooklyn Park locations. We had no idea what was going on, so we went to our security camera footage. There it was, clear as day - Mrs. Kurtt and Mrs. Casey waddling into Cub Foods Chanhassen and Cub Foods Brooklyn Park and proceeding to clear us out of countless food products. Since then, we've made some adjustments to our inventory. Let's just say we're stocking Little Debbie Snack Cakes, Slim Jims and Oh Boy! Oberto at record levels right now."

Close relatives of Casey and Molly have also noticed the exponential growth of the young women's bellies. Husbands Kevin Kurtt and Kyle Casey have done their best to help their lovely wives during this period of unchecked expanding, reportedly putting on a few belly pounds of their own during their wives' pregnancies.

"It's true, Kevin has put on some weight since I started ballooning like a, well, like a balloon," Casey said. "But he's just using sympathy weight as an excuse to be a lazy ass."

Kyle denied the reports on his weight gain.

"Let me just say that I am not, nor will I ever be, fat. I may be bald. I may have big teeth. But i am not letting myself go like Molly and Casey have."

The youngest Miller daughter, Jesse Miller, appears to be jealous of her older sisters' pregnancy and/or weight gain, so much so that the soon-to-be former resident of Chanhassen has been doing her best to gain weight by utilizing a program that features eating terribly while exerting as little effort as is humanly possible.

"I'm not sure if Jesse is trying to match our weight gain or if she's trying to look like a pre-Jenny Craig Kirstie Alley," Molly said. "She's well on her way, though, with her steady diet of pizza rolls, chicken nuggets, tater tots and Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. Mix in her hermit-like lifestyle and pretty soon our bellies won't be able to hold a candle to Jesse's gut. Fat girl in a little coat indeed."

Maggie Miller the oldest daughter of Mike and Mary has taken an entirely different angle on Casey and Molly's expanding bellies.

"Our uncle Mike (Maloney) finally has some competition in the belly category. He's been strutting around extolling the virtues of Jimmy (the pseudonym for Maloney's belly) for far too long. 'Jimmy and I ran a marathon. Jimmy and I did this. Jimmy and I did that.' I'm tired of hearing about Jimmy. It's nice that my two heifer sisters are stealing Jimmy's thunder."

For their part, Mike and Mary Miller have been supportive of their tubby daughters, despite their continued confusion that Molly's last name is Casey's first and Casey's first name is Molly's last (link).

"When Mary and I heard that Casey was pregnant, we thought we finally had a sure-fire way to figure out which daughter we were talking to," Mike said. "We were just going to refer to Casey as 'the pregnant one' or 'the fat one.' Well, then Kyle went ahead and got Molly knocked up and we're back to confusion central. Throw into the mix the fact that Jesse is eating like Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas, and gaining weight like a pre-TrimSpa Anna Nicole Smith and we're stuck with three daughters with expanding bellies. This is all too confusing. Thank God our unemployed daughter Maggie is still as svelte as ever."

Wrong Way, Ashley

We know. We know. We're not providing the expected content on Mr. Heavyfoot that you have all come to, well, expect. We'd apologize, but Mr Heavyfoot's world is a little hectic right now. We're starting a new job next Tuesday. Mrs. Heavyfoot is very pregnant and emotional. And our dog is as hyperactive as ever. To make amends to you, the Mr. Heavyfoot community, we present a video of an on-field CFL fan promotion gone hilaariously wrong. Poor Ashley. She really wanted that trip. Well, she got one. (Now that's comedy.)

From the "We Wish We Had Thought To Do This and Had the Actual Handyman Capabilities to Make It Happen" Department

Who doesn't love water slides? And who doesn't love homemade water slides that begin on the roof of a two-story building and end with a 16-foot gap into a kiddie pool? And who doesn't love the fact that said waterslide was made by high school kids when their parents were away for 10 days?

2007 Boom Goes the Dynamite Team Awards – Summer Season

Shane Sanderfeld Memorial MVP: Kevin Noth (runner-up: Steve Geller)
- Comments on Noth: None
- Comments on Geller: "based on the number of weekly MVP honors he brought home and the fact that he is Shane's best friend,"
- Also receiving votes: Kevin Kurtt 3, Kyle Coughlin 2 ("Since I know he is itching to vote for himself I will do it for him"), Alicia Jerome, Tory Kukowski, The waitress at Corner Bar ("She always made me feel good")

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl Playoff MVP: Kevin Noth (runner-up: Steve Geller)
- Comments on Noth: "the streak continues," "without question," "the definition of 'clutch,'" "When do we start just calling this the Kevin Noth Playoff MVP Award? When they make a miniseries about Boom Goes the Dynamite (just like Bronx is Burning) on ESPN10 in 2040 they will talk about the antics of 'Mr. August' Kevin Noth. Chronicling the first time he stepped on the field for Boom in the playoffs with a wife beater, his stunning and confusing catch against Chicks with RAC's to his great performance against Chicks with RAC's in the semifinals.
- Also receiving votes: N/A

Duffy’s Pizza Unsung Hero Award: Emily Wood (runner-up: Andrea Smith)
- Comments on Wood: "Battled back from severe wrist injury to become a regular again on Boom Goes the Dynamite. Always hit the ball hard and played wherever needed." "She can throw the ball back to the pitcher better than anyone"
- Comment on Dré: "Having her at third provieds a lot of defensive options"
- Also receiving votes: Kyle Coughlin 2, Chris Cords, Aaron DeBerg, Steve Geller, Peyton N. Owens III, Meghan Potter, Emily Wood

Victory Sports Silver Stick Award: Steve Geller (runner-up: Jeff Keiser)
- Comments on Geller: None
- Comment on Keiser: "He has started to fall off a little since entering his 30's and he should more then likely be traded for some new bats during the offseason. However, he still continues to be a consistent presence at the plate. Also Chris Cords' just missed the minimum 5 AB needed to be eligible for this award.
- Also receiving votes: Kyle Coughlin 2, Alicia Jerome 2, Tory Kukowski 2, Ryan Maus 2 ("Love the swing. I would vote for Geller, but the swing and miss hurts his chances", Kevin Noth 2, Meghan Potter, Andrea Smith

Lady Byng Sportsmanship Award: Andrea Smith (runners-up: Kevin Kurtt, Emily Wood)
- Comment on Dré: None
- Comment on KK: "only one on the team not to have a tirade or to use profanity
- Also receiving votes: Ryan Maus 2 ("I'm just assuming a guy who is a serial smiler must be a pretty good sport," "because he can't stop smiling! He's too nice!"), Kyle Coughlin, Katie Fornasiere, Steve Geller, Lisa Hardy, Jeff Keiser, Maggie ("Never argued with the umps and kept an even keel throughout the season")

Garry Bowman Leadership Award: Kevin Kurtt (runner-up: Jeff Keiser)
- Comment on KK: "Handled dog, parents, sister, pregnant wife and child, and playing duties most games"
- Comment on Keiser: "Despite the fact that he had two semifinals losses this year, following up a season where manager/owner/player Steve Geller helped guide the team to a 28-0 record and two titles."
- Also receiving votes: Kevin Noth 2, Kyle Coughlin, Steve Geller, Lisa Hardy, Alicia Jerome, None

Emily Wood Team Spirit Award: Kevin Noth (runner-up: Emily Wood)
- Comments on Noth: None
- Comment on Wood: "Once again why would you give it to anyone else?"
- Also receiving votes: Michelle Train 3, Lisa Hardy 2, Kristine Yorde 2, Steve Geller, Ryan Maus

Fox 9 News Courage and Love of the Game Award: Steve Geller and Emily Wood (runners-up: Tory Kukowski, Kevin Kurtt, Kevin Noth)
- Comments on Geller: "Courage to wear sweatpants in 90 degree heat and love of the game to wear sweat pants in 90 degree heat just so he can slide
- Comments on Wood: None
- Comment on Noth: "For his heroics and enthusiasm against Chicks with RAC's in the playoffs. He might still be sitting at the Corner Bar because he used all his energy for the playoffs."
- Also receiving votes: Chris Cords ("It takes courage to be Cords"), Alicia Jerome, Koda ("Still can't believe she recovered from the line drive to the face"), Peyton N. Owens III, Andrea Smith, Michelle Train

Potbelly Sandwich Works Most Improved Player: Kevin Noth (runner-up: Kristine Yorde)
- Comments on Noth: "He fell down much less this season," "For the first time since Boom, he rarely struck out and was actually a visible contributor before the playoffs started"
- Also receiving votes: Katie Fornasiere 2, Chris Cords ("The fact that he actually positively contributed to the team was an improvement from my expectations"), Jeff Keiser,Tory Kukowski, Emily Wood, Anyone but Potter and Jerome ("What happened to them?")

Emily Wickstrom Grit/Determination Award: Steve Geller (runners-up: Tory Kukowski and Kevin Noth)
- Comments on Geller: None
- Comment on Kuko: "He was determined to go out in style"
- Comment on Noth: "When I think of a pale-skinned bald guy with short shorts, that just says grit."
- Also receiving votes: Lisa Hardy 2, Andrea Smith 2 ("very intense"), Kristine Yorde 2, Kyle Coughlin, Katie Fornasiere, Steve Geller, Kevin Kurtt, Michelle Train ("For covering football practice during the playoffs and volunteering to work St. John's practices on Tuesday, so Kevin Kurtt was free and clear to participate in round one of the playoffs.")

Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year: Ryan Maus (runner-up: Chris Cords)
- Comments on Maus: "It's only appropriate, right?" "It is time for Boom to cut bait and start over with future up and comers. Bring back Kuko, sign Schroeder and dump the wasteful contracts of Coughlin, Geller and Noth - who will be too expensive due to his demands after his playoff performance."
- Also receiving votes: Kristine Yorde 3, Jordan Gigli, Matt Schroeder

Jeannie/Cowboy Bob Superfan Award: Michelle Train (runner-up: Beth Kurtt)
- Comment on Train: "Train wins this easily, although I was impressed that the Kurtts showed up when Kevin was not even playing. Oh and big news our first foray into live stats was met with mixed results. We have 300 hits for our live stats for the playoffs. Unfortunately they all came from some apartment complex in Champaign, Ill. and there was anonymous request to get live video and put the camera on Coda and Cooper the whole game."
- Also receiving votes: Jim Kurtt 3, Emily Wickstrom 2 ("she's there in spirit", "she was vested in that team as she was with the hopeless Gopher men's basketball squad"), Chris Cords, Pam Hardy ("has become as critical as the Kurtts"), Casey Kurtt

Goldy’s Gang Mascot of the Year: Cooper (runner-up: Maggie)
- Comment on Cooper: "She avoided getting arrested this time around."
- Comment on Maggie: "My favorite Lassie look-a-like. She has probably moved into my top-five favorite list. Why can't all dogs be this well-behaved?"
- Also receiving votes: Koda 2 ("she likes me better than Cooper does"), Hate 'em all

Burrito Loco Best 10-Day Acquisition Award: Ryan Maus (runner-up: Kristine Yorde)
- Comments on Maus: "Who else? Made a sweet catch in center," "Potter acqusition I. No wait, PA II. Or was it III? Ah forget it. Just give it to Ryan Maus," "Best 10-day pickup since Tyler Thomson. If he is here next year, we will build the Boom franchise around him."
- Also receiving votes: Chris Cords, Alyssa Downing, Katie Fornasiere, Jordan Gigli, Peyton N. Owens III, Michelle Train, Jerome’s neighbor, Potter Acquisition I, II, and III

Nick Joos/M. Lochrem Biggest Disappointment “Award”: Meghan Potter (runner-up: Tory Kukowski)
- Comments on Pottsie: "Does she even know how to hustle? Did she really play college sports?"
- Also receiving votes: Alicia Jerome 2 ("Make me belive that you care a little"), Garry Bowman ("What? I had to stop giving to Lochrem"), Kyle Coughlin ("for typically mailing it in"), Steve Geller, Jordan Gigli, Lisa Hardy, Jeff Keiser, Laura Kurtt, Shane Sandersfeld, Matt Schroeder ("lost like five cell phones")

Cy Young, brought to you by Icy Hot: Kyle Coughlin (runner-up: Steve Geller)
- Comments on KC: "I was stellar," "Saved us from any appearances from Steven 'Wild Thing' Geller this season"
- Comments on Geller: "The Matt Garza of Boom"
- Also receiving votes: Lisa Hardy, Alicia Jerome, I don’t know what Cy Young is

Gold Glove, presented by Isotoner: Kevin Kurtt, Kevin Noth, Andrea Smith, Ryan Maus and Steve Geller
- Comments on the winners: "The usual staples get these honors. They might just be living off their rep at this point like in the Major Leagues with Gold Gloves but that is fine. Ryan Maus also gets because of the great catch against Chicks With RAC's, despite some erratic throwing in his first day of action with team Boom."
- Also receiving votes: Jeff Keiser 3, Katie Fornasiere 2, Tory Kukowski 2, Alicia Jerome 2, Chris Cords, Lisa Hardy, Jerome's Neighbor, Meghan Potter

Gregg Shimanski Executive of the Year: Jeff Keiser (Runner-up: Meghan Potter)
- Comments on Keiser: "aka Terry Ryan," "Me. I worked hard."
- Comments on Pottsie: "Saved Boom from the first forfeit in franchise history," "Keiser has yet to lead this team to a championship. We want Geller!"
- Also receiving votes: Kevin Kurtt ("for his willingness to put money in front of principle and cash a check with Bucky Badger on it.")

Marvin Geller Lifetime Achivement Award: Steve Geller and Maggie (runner-up: Kyle Coughlin)
- Comments on Geller: None
- Comments on Maggie: None
- Comments on KC: "Could it really be the end?"
- Also receiving votes: Tory Kukowski 2, Kevin Kurtt 2 ("He started the franchise and is still a big part of it during what could have been the final season"), Michelle Train 2 ("For her undying devotion"), Chris Cords ("For unexpectedly displaying some sort of athletic ability")


Bobby Z’S Kodak Moments of the Year:
• Cooper chasing Noth around the basepaths in the quarterfinal win over the Ligers
• Kevin Noth’s diving catch of a foul popup in the semifinal loss to Chicks with RAC’s
• Tory Kukowski’s performance in his final game in a Boom uniform (vs. Cobra Kai Dojo)
• Kevin Noth’s whole game against Chicks with RAC’s in the semifinals
• Jeff Keiser’s catch on the sinking liner to clinch first game of the playoffs vs. BobLobLaw’s Blog
• Andrea Smith and Alicia Jerome both beating the leftfielder from Chicks from RAC’s (in the semifinals), to actually remind us that they did play softball in college
• Chris Cords’ shocking 4-for-4 performance vs. Team Neil
• Steve Geller’s over-the-shoulder catch in an easy 15-5 victory over playoff finalist Sugar
• Guy from Chicks with RAC’s hitting two no-doubters off Kyle Coughlin in the season opener
• Steve Geller’s t-shirts
• Ryan Maus’ catch vs. Chicks with RAC’s in the semifinals
• Kyle Coughlin’s pitching consistently
• Kevin Noth’s seventh-inning slam in the semifinals vs. Chicks with RAC’s
• Tory Kukowski and Peyton N. Owens III collision in the outfield vs. Cobra Kai Dojo
• Kyle Coughlin and Kevin Noth rounding the bases together
• Tory Kukowski almost taking Kevin Noth’s head off with a liner towards first vs. Cobra Kai Dojo
• Kevin Noth showing up for game vs. Show me Your Tiff’s and knowing none of the guys
• Alicia pitching five scoreless innings before walking in four vs. Show me Your Tiffany’s
• Steve Geller, Kevin Noth, Kevin Kurtt

The Steak Knife Bloopers of the Year:
• Steve Geller’s strikeout vs. Pink Tacos on a ball that was probably eight feet high
• Lisa Hardy’s strikeout vs. Chicks with RAC’s
• Kevin Noth’s strikeout vs. Cobra Kai Dojo
• Kristine Yorde’s strikeout vs. Cobra Kai Dojo
• Kevin Kurtt taking a ground ball to the face vs. Cobra Kai Dojo
• Tory Kukowski and Peyton N. Owens III collision in the outfield vs. Cobra Kai Dojo
• The “shift” working to perfection against Tory Kukowski vs. Cobra Kai Dojo
• Steve Geller maiming Sugar’s third basewoman with a line drive
• Kevin Noth over-running third base on a stand-up triple
• Kevin Noth giving Kevin Kurtt the stop sign as third base coach when the ball hadn’t even reached the cut
• Maggie eating a dead bunny in the win over Sugar
• Alicia Jerome letting a trio of ground balls go by at third base vs. Cobra Kai Dojo
• Kevin Noth’s catch against with Chicks with RAC’s in the semifinals – it was great and comical all at the same time
• Cooper doing her best impression of the fan who ran around the bases with Hank Aaron during “715” when Kevin Noth went yard against the Ligers.
• Testing the “fielding ability” of Pink Taco’s catcher
• Any time Kyle Coughlin runs the bases
• Jeff Keiser in the outfield
• Alicia Jerome’s altercation with Shane’s ump regarding BobLobLaw’s Blog player over-running second base
• Kyle Coughlin’s injuries
• Kevin Noth bringing back the wife-beater
• Kevin Noth’s cocoa butter
• Loss against Show Me Your Tiffany’s where Kyle Coughlin, Steve Geller, Kevin Kurtt and Jeff Keiser were missing, then compliance was supposed to fill in and they were all missing and then Meghan Potter’s friends along with Alicia Jerome’s neighbor saving the forfeit.
• Kevin Noth’s comment of “I did not know anyone on that team.”
• Jim Kurtt yelling, “Season’s over.”
• Kevin Noth or Geller – I’m sure they had a few to pick from…
• Kyle Coughlin

Most Awards Won
Steve Geller 5
Kevin Noth 5
Ryan Maus 3
Kevin Kurtt 2
Andrea Smith 2
Emily Wood 2

Most Times Runner-Up
Steve Geller 3
Tory Kukowski 3
Jeff Keiser 2
Kevin Kurtt 2
Kevin Noth 2
Emily Wood 2
Kristine Yorde 2

No Votes Received
Jay Larson

It's Funny When People Fall Down

In honor of Boom Goes the Dynamite falling on its face in the semifinals on Tuesday night, we give you a model and a fat guy falling. Like we needed a reason to post these videos.

Kevin Noth's Fist Pumps Not Enough as Boom Ends Season with Semifinal Loss

"Season's over!"
- Fan Jim Kurtt (Waterloo, Iowa) said mockingly following Boom Goes the Dynamite's season-ending loss

Boom Goes the Dynamite saw its 2007 season come to a close last night as the two-time 2006 CSC Champions posted its second consecutive third-place finish with an 18-3 win over the Ligers and an 11-10 loss to eventual champions Chicks with RAC's. Boom rode stellar batting, fielding and fist-pumping performances from perennial playoff MVP Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.) to come within a run and three outs of advancing to the championship game, but it wasn't enough as Chicks with RAC's scored with a walk-off double in the bottom of the seventh inning.

"Another CSC banner just wasn't in the cards for us in 2007," team president Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.) said. "Maybe we lost the fire to win after capturing those two titles in 2006. I know I want to win more than ever, but I'm just not seeing the drive and focus out of a lot of our players. You know who I'm talking about. There was (Meghan) Potter reverting to her Little Miss Lackadaisical alter ego; (Alicia) Jerome (pictured at right) apparently forgetting that she's a former D-I softball player; our president, shortstop and two-time MVP (Kevin Kurtt) hitting like (Michelle) Train; and (Matt) Schroeder all but abandoning the team in the latter half of the season. I just wish that we could all play like Noth in the playoffs."

Noth was far and away Boom's standout player in all areas of the field, hitting multiple home runs, entertaining the five fans in attendance with a handful of defensive gems and attempting to pump up Boom with a plethora of high-fives, fist bumps and pumps, and motivational phrases.

"Noth was amazing out there," semifinal co-Goat of the Game Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) said. "His play was great and all, but it was his passion that really flabbergasted me. I wish I could muster up the courage to hustle or the feelings to care about the outcome like he does, but I just haven't been the same player since I led my Esko Ice Summer Fastpitch team to the AFA Nationals in 1997 and 1998."

Noth's playoff prowess shined again as the balding cyclist raised his postseason batting average to .809 with clutch home runs in both contests last night. Noth's regular season batting average remains at a very Mario Mendoza-esque .213.

"It's my job as Boom historian to note that Kevin Noth has now been named the Corner Bar Co-Player of the Game in four of the last seven playoff games," Boom Superfan Award hopeful Beth Kurtt (Minneapolis, Minn.) (pictured with Superfan hopeful daughter Laura, shortstop son Kevin and Superfan hopeful and team heckler husband Jim at left) said. "Why can't my Kevin be like Kevin Noth? I sure as heck didn't teach him to hit like he did last night."

Not all in attendance were thrilled by Noth's play last night. Goldy's Gang Mascot of the Year hopeful Cooper (Zimmerman, Minn.) (pictured at right) was notably displeased with Noth in the quarterfinal vs. the Ligers, so much so that the feisty miniature Australian shepherd chased Noth around the basepaths, doing her best impression of that fan who ran around the bases with Hank Aaron after Aaron hit his 715th home run. Maggie, the other mascot at last night's game, was unavailable to comment on Cooper's supposed distaste for Noth.

In addition to his out-of-this-world hitting performance, Noth provided a pair of web gems with a diving catch of a foul popup and a jaw-dropping double play at second base - both in the semifinal against Chicks with RAC's. Noth nearly recorded his fourth baserunning/base coaching gaffe of the season in the seventh inning by almost over-running Kyle Coughlin between first and second base, but the CSC league leader in strikeouts hit the brakes and chased Coughlin all the way around the bases for his second home run of the contest. Cooper was appropriately leashed.

Although happy with his play, team management is now bracing for Noth's contract demands in the offseason. Boom's lowest-paid player at $230,000, Noth will certainly command salary numbers consistent with Boom's other aging veterans - Kyle Coughlin ($750,000), Jeff Keiser ($3 million) Steve Geller ($3.125 million).

“I need to feed my family,” Noth said at a press conference this morning. “They offered me $500,000 for three years. That’s not going to cut it. If [owner Kevin] Kurtt wants to see my family fed, he better cough up some money."

In addition to Noth, Boom heads into the offseason with four other players entering free agency. Wily journeyman Kyle Coughlin (Golden Valley, Minn.), slugger and utility player Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.), knocked-up former infielder Casey Kurtt (Lakeland, Minn.) and Disappointment of the Year frontrunner Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) became free agents at 12:01 a.m., Central time.

"We're prepared to negotiate with some of our players, but not all of them," general manager Jeff Keiser said. "We hear Coughlin is mulling retirement, so we won't have to worry about his grandiose opinions of himself clouding negotiations. That's nice. Geller keeps mentioning that he was 13-for-15 in the playoffs, but we're just not sure how much he has left in the tank. We'll see how Casey bounces back from popping out a kid. If she calls it quits, we always have (Emily) Wood. Then there's Potter (pictured at left).

"I'll be honest with you. I messed up. Maybe I was impressed by her stats from her days at Hibbing High School, but I killed our salary cap by giving that full-time tanner, part-time hustler $17.2 million for this season. It sure will be nice to have her salary off the books. Unless she's willing to take a pay cut, Ms. Potter is free to look elsewhere."

Below is the projected 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite roster (contract terms included):
P - TBD
C - Emily Wood (signed thru 2008 - 2 yr/$2.3 mil)
1B - Lisa Hardy (signed thru 2009 - 3 yr/$5.2 mil)
2B - Alicia Jerome (signed thru 2010 - 4 yr/$18.1 mil)
3B - Andrea Smith (signed thru 2014 - 8 yr/$82 mil)
SS - Kevin Kurtt (signed thru 2011 - 6 yr/$114 mil)
OF - Jeff Keiser (signed thru 2009 - 5 yr/$15 mil)
OF - Ryan Maus (signed thru 2008 - terms undisclosed)
OF - TBD
OF - TBD

Potential signings: Steve Geller (P/UT), Kevin Noth (UT), Tyler Thomson (OF), Alicia Jerome's neighbor (??), Matt Schroeder (OF), Tory Kukowski (OF), Casey Kurtt (IF), Katie Fornasiere (IF), Kristine Yorde (IF), Chris Cords (UT), Peyton N. Owens III (OF), Chris Lagasse (C)

Notes
• Boom out-scored its opponents 238-158 in 19 games in the 2007 season.
• Corner Bar Male Player of the Game (both games): Kevin Noth
• Corner Bar Female Player of the Game (Ligers): Emily Wood
• Corner Bar Female Player of the Game (Chicks with RAC's): Andrea Smith
• Goat of the Game (Ligers): Cooper
• Goat of the Game (Chicks with RAC's): Lisa Hardy and Meghan Potter
• Boom has now finished last three seasons with one-run games (2006 Summer: 18-17 vs. Yep; 2007 Spring: 10-11 vs. Cleveland Steamers; 2007 Summer: 10-11 vs. Chicks with RAC's)
• In addition for her apparent dislike of Kevin Noth, Cooper showed her distaste for the Corner Bar's chips by throwing up a purple one on the sidewalk.
• Rookie, Tory Kukowski Memorial Intern and serial smiler Ryan Maus (Northfield, Minn.) made what many believe to be the best catch in the outfield since Jeff Leach (Sartell, Minn.) patrolled the field for Boom's predecessor I'm With Stupid.
• Fans in attendance: Pam Hardy, Beth Kurtt, Casey Kurtt, Jim Kurtt, Michelle Train
• Fan standings: Michelle Train (4 appearances), Beth Kurtt (3 apps.), Casey Kurtt (3 apps.), Emily Wickstrom (3 apps.), Jim Kurtt (2 apps.), Pam Hardy (2 apps.), Chris Cords (1 app.), Katie Fornasiere (1 app.), Laura Kurtt (1 app.), Jay Larson (1 app.), Kristine Yorde (1 app.)
• Mascots in attendance: Cooper, Maggie
• Mascot standings: Maggie (3 appearances), Cooper (2 apps.), Koda (2 apps.)
• Summer season combined attendance: 22
• Summer season combined mascot attendance: 7

The Price is Wrong, José

We here at Mr. Heavyfoot have been big fans of Bob Barker and The Price is Right ever since our mom plopped us in front of the TV at 10 a.m., every morning while she did what moms do. Since we pride ourselves in being relative experts in the long-time game show, we know bad moves when we see them, from where to put the chip on the Plinko board to over-bidding on a product in Cliff Hangers to poor putting technique in Hole in One (or Two) to the pace at which you must bid during the Clock Game to risking it on the Showcase Showdown to...BIDDING $250,000 ON ONE SHOWCASE?!?!

Poor José in the above video was in wayyyy over his head for the Showcase portion of the day. What the heck was he thinking when he bid $250,000? Did he think he was bidding on every single product he saw during that day's show? Was he bidding in yen? Has the Navy taught him NOTHING?

There's just so much in this video to love:
1) Bob: "Our top winner in the Showcase is...GAY!" - Now Bob has had his fair share of sexual harassment troubles, but this time he's 100% innocent. The contestant's name is Gay.
2) José asking, "When I bid on the showcase, you mean everything?" Bob replies, "Everything." José's eyes then get huge as he says "Everything?" - Sheesh. No José, just bid on the carpet.
3) Bob then calling him Joe - "Give me your bid, Joe." - Clearly, Bob called him Joe on purpose. Bob knew this guy was going to ruin the end of an otherwise great show.
4) José: "I bid $250,000."
Bob: "$250?" - Bob's hearing isn't what it used to be.
5) José's look after he clarifies his bid of $250,000. - That right there is a look of complete and utter confidence...or is it confusion.
6) Bob laughing at José and his bid.
7) José: "Woo!"
8) Bob giving José another shot at a realistic bid; José throwing out $60,000; Bob giving José one last little shot to re-think that awful bid before basically saying, "Screw it, that's your bid you dumbass."
9) Gay's bid of "A dollar." - The look on Gay's face after making that bid is priceless. It's like she's saying, "You idiot sailor-boy, I just punked your ass on national television."
10) The look on José's face as the go to and come back from commerical. It looks like he actually thinks he still has a chance.
11) José's reaction after going over. He has no idea what just happened. - Ignorance is bliss, right? For some reason, I see a dishonorable discharge from the Navy in José's future.
12) Perhaps the best part: Gay's reaction when she's announced as the winner. - Gay, what did you think was going to happen? You should have screamed like that when José bid 250 grand. You had that thing locked up. Were you actually nervous at the end there?

How Not to Play Golf in the Dark

Clearly we've been mailing it in during the last week or so. The tradition continues today as we take the easy route and just post another video that's made the rounds on the interweb for some time now. We'd apologize, but it's not like this is a subscription-based blog. Plus, no one we know has done or said anything remotely worth writing fake news about. C'mon Heavyfoot community, do something so we can do what we do best. Until then, we give you an idiot swinging a golf club at something that resembles a Molotov cocktail.

Dogs and Bikes Don't Mix

Since we're still in no mood to write fake news stories, we'll stick with the dog theme and give you a pair of videos of those dogs that decided to participate in the Tour de France. A kinda interesting note on the second video: the guy in white (Sandy Casar) who ran into the dog went on to win the stage.

Because It's Kind of a Somber Day in These Parts, Here's Cooper Catching Frisbees

As we sit just a little more than a stone's throw away from the collapsed I-35W bridge over Mississippi, we're just in no mood to write fake news. Instead, we're bringing back the video of the somewhat amazing frisbee dog Cooper catching...wait for it...wait for it...Frisbees!