Evaluating a GM: The Jeff Keiser Tenure

With a pair of press conferences today in the Twin Cities to announce new general managers for the Minnesota Wild and Minnesota Timberwolves, the status of one of the area's most well-known GMs has come to the forefront. Rumors continue to swirl as to the future of Jeff Keiser (Avon, Conn.), the third-year GM for slowpitch softball team Warning Track Power.

The endeared, yet embattled Keiser took over general manager duties in September of 2007 after a two-year reign by Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.) that saw the franchise win back-to-back Cities Sports Connection championships. Geller stepped down with a 25-0 record as GM, saying, "I've accomplished all there is to accomplish in my role as general manager of Boom Goes the Dynamite. It's time for someone else to take the next step and lead this franchise to further success. It won't be difficult with the team I've assembled."

Since then, Keiser's Boom and WTP teams have compiled a 19-13 record in one additional season of CSC play and two campaigns of St. Louis Park Mixed C League action.

Team president and owner Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) has been steadfast in his support of Keiser as GM, but admits to giving consideration to making a change in the player personnel department after subpar 2007 and 2008 seasons, and an inconsistent start to the 2009 campaign.

"I'm a huge Jeff Keiser fan," Kurtt said. "It's true I've never liked him as an outfielder or as a third baseman, but as a GM, he's a great fit for this organization. Nobody works harder in putting together a team...and not a week goes by that Jeff isn't scouring the waiver wire and free agent market for new acquisitions.

"Maybe Jeff thought it was going to be an easy job when he took over for Geller. He must have looked at what was coming back from the 2006 team and thought a third title was pre-ordained for Boom. But in 2007, I think Jeff went away from what made us a championship-caliber team. I can't put my finger on it, but since we didn't have a coach, I'm forced to blame the GM. Maybe Jeff need to look at the blueprint that Geller put together during his two championship seasons and go from there."

An investigation into the tenure of Keiser as the Boom/WTP GM reveals a host of possible reasons for the franchise falling on hard times, but certainly no "smoking gun" that would undoubtedly doom or absolve Keiser. For the purposes of this research, only free agent signees and 10-day acquisitions were taken into account to grade Keiser's job as GM. Although veteran players from the days of GM Steve Geller are not above reproach, this investigation is solely looking at those players brought into the franchise by Keiser. A list of all acquisitions from 2006-09 is included below.

2007 season (6-4)
After the 2006 CSC Championship season, Boom lost only two regular players (Jeremy Beach and Kelsey Ness), but the record fell from 11-0 to 6-4. If the team's core remained the same, what happened?

* Keiser's lone free agent acquisition, Meghan Potter, failed to live up to the hype. At the time of her signing, Keiser heralded Potter as "a difference maker" and alluded to her status as North Dakota State's 11th-best all-time home run hitter. Potter showed flashes of brilliance in her rookie season, but they were too few and far between. Potter was named the spring season's Library Bar & Grill Rookie of the Year, but was given the 2007 Nick Joss/Mike Lockrem Biggest Disappointment "Award" at the conclusion of the summer season.
* On the flip side, two of Keiser's key 10-day acquistitions - Ryan Maus and Emily Wood - garnered 2007 Burrito Loco Best 10-Day Acquisition Awards. Maus also was named the summer's Rookie of the Year.
* However, the two 2006 Best 10-Day Acquisition Award winners - Emily Hennen and Tyler Thomson - were inexplicably ignored by Keiser when roster spots opened during the 2007 campaign. Other 2006 acquisitions that were never heard from again included Aaron "Dubs" DeBerg, Mike Lockrem and Nate Schultz.
* Three 2007 10-day acquisitions - Alyssa Downing, Ryan Maus and Emily Wood - parlayed their part-time success into a full roster spot in 2008.
* The remaining 10-day acquisitions were a mixed bag for Keiser and Boom, ranging from the good (Peyton N. Owens III), to the better than expected (Chris Cords), to the failed experiment (Anne Strong).

*CONCLUSION: Like his acquisitions, the 2007 season was a mixed bag for Keiser. On one had, Keiser can be commended for maintaining the core of Boom's championship-winning teams. On the other hand, Keiser's free agent signee (Potter) and 10-day acquisitions just were not consistent enough to keep Boom at the top of CSC. It seemed other league franchises closed the gap during Keiser's rookie year as GM.

2008 season (10-8)
The 2008 campaign was a watershed season for Keiser and the entire franchise. Most notably, Boom left its longtime CSC home in favor of greener pastures (literally) in the St. Louis Park Mixed C League. Boom moved to a league that featured fences, real grass and certified umpires, and entered the season with a renewed excitement for the future of the franchise.

Over the offseason, Boom lost key players in Kyle Coughlin (traded for a bucket of softballs and a bag of beef jerky to Chicago club Windy City Express), Alicia Jerome (retired) and Tory Kukowski (signed free agent contract with Norman, Okla., club Cans of Corn). Keiser responded by signing the largest crop of free agents since the inception of the franchise in 2002.

Still, Boom remained mired in mediocrity despite the sweeping changes. What happened?

* Six new players signed by Keiser joined the Boom roster in Cathy Behr, Alyssa Downing, Ryan Maus, Matt Slieter, Jim Strick and Emily Wood. Together, the sextet combined to hit .623 with 86 RBI, 24 doubles and 9 triples. The new players finished second, third, fourth, fifth, 10th and 11th on the team in batting average.
* Keiser signed four 10-day acquisitions in Doug Vose, Bobbi Ross, Michelle Train and Kristine Yorde. Vose (5-5, 5 RBI) and Ross (1-2, RBI) paid big dividends, while Traen and Yorde failed to reach base.
* Strick earned Rookie of the Year honors, while Ross was named the top 10-day acquisition.
* A year after using 12 different 10-day acquisitions, Keiser only needed to sign four in 2008, demonstrating Boom's roster continuity during the season.
* Keiser inked Michelle Train as the franchise's first ever manager.

* CONCLUSION: Despite the record, the 2008 campaign was far and away Keiser's best as GM. From making the push to change leagues to assembling a world-class lineup, Keiser excelled in 2008. So why the 10-8 record? The blame lies solely on the manager. Train was given all the tools to bring Boom back to prominence in 2008, but she failed miserably. The Boom roster in 2008 was as talented and deep as any of the championship-winning teams, but for all her hard work, Train never found the right lineup, defensive alignment or motivational technique to push Boom back to greatness. Train, for her part, blames "the dead bats."

2009 season (3-1)
Only four games into the season, the jury is very much still out on Keiser in 2009. However, due to offseason losses, Keiser has already made several moves in an effort to jump-start the franchise. In addition to player signings, the team ditched the iconic Boom Goes the Dynamite name in favor of a more apt description - Warning Track Power.

So far, WTP has been incredibly inconsistent. After opening the season with a rout, WTP lost an embarrassing one-run game to an inferior team. WTP has rebounded to go on a two-game win streak, but it hasn't been easy.

* The franchise lost veterans Andrea Smith (signed free agent contract with Stockton, Calif., club The Violators) and Emily Wood (retired) during the offseason.
* In response, Keiser signed former opponent Amanda Hoehn as a free agent. So far this season, Hoehn has only played in one game, going 0-for-3 with a strikeout.
* Like 2008, Keiser's 2009 10-day acquisitions have been a mixed bag. Player/manager Michelle Train (2-2, 2 RBI) and Katie Fornasiere (3-4, 2 RBI) were stellar in the season opener, but Ben Flattum (0-2, K) and Carmelina Carabajal (1-3) were underwhelming in the last game.
* It appears that Keiser made a concerted effort to address WTP's alleged chemistry problem that surfaced in 2008 by signing Hoehn (to keep Potter interested) and Flattum/Carabajal (for their social contributions during postgame meals).

* CONCLUSION: It's too early to grade Keiser's performance in 2009, but chemistry looks to be the defining issue of the season. On one hand, Keiser should be commended for worrying about team chemistry. But did he sacrifice on-field performance for off-field enjoyment? It's hard to say right now. A mitigating factor here is the fact that WTP has not played a game with all full-time roster members in attendance. When that happens (sometime in June), we'll know a lot more about Keiser's future as GM.

FRANCHISE MOVES (2006-09)
2006 players (team record 11-0) (Steve Geller, GM)
Kyle Coughlin
Katie Fornasiere
Steve Geller
Lisa Hardy
Alicia Jerome
Jeff Keiser
Tory Kukowski
Casey Kurtt
Kevin Kurtt
Kelsey Ness
Kevin Noth
Andrea Smith
Jeremy Beach 10-day acquisition
Aaron DeBerg 10-day acquisition
Emily Hennen 10-day acquisition
Mike Lockrem 10-day acquisition
Matt Schroeder 10-day acquisition
Nate Schultz 10-day acquisition
Tyler Thomson 10-day acquisition
Michelle Train 10-day acquisition

2006-07 offseason losses
Kelsey Ness

2007 Keiser signees (team record 6-4)
Meghan Potter - 1-year contract
Chris Cords - 10-day acquisition
Alyssa Downing - 10-day acquisition
Katie Fornasiere - 10-day acquisition
Ryan Maus - 10-day acquisition
Peyton N. Owens III - 10-day acquisition
Crissy Potter - 10-day acquisition
Matt Schroeder - 10-day acquisition
Anne Strong - 10-day acquisition
Michelle Train - 10-day acquisition
Emily Wood - 10-day acquisition
Kristine Yorde - 10-day acquisition

2007-08 offseason losses
Kyle Coughlin - traded for a bucket of softballs and a bag of beef jerky to Chicago club Windy City Express
Alicia Jerome - retired
Tory Kukowski - signed free agent contract with Norman, Okla., club Cans of Corn

2008 Keiser signees (team record 10-8)
Cathy Behr - 10-year contract
Alyssa Downing - 8-year contract
Ryan Maus - 8-year contract
Matt Slieter - 3-year contract
Jim Strick - 5-year contract
Emily Wood - 4-year contract
Doug Vose - 10-day acquisition
Bobbi Ross - 10-day acquisition
Kristine Yorde - 10-day acquisition
Michelle Train - player/manager

2008-09 offseason losses
Andrea Smith - signed free agent contract with Stockton, Calif., club The Violators
Emily Wood - retired

2009 Keiser signees (team record 3-1)
Amanda Hoehn - 2-year contract
Ben Flattum - 10-day acquisition
Carmelina Carabajal - 10-day acquisition
Katie Fornasiere - 10-day acquisition
Michelle Train - player/manager

Warning Track Power Goes Streaking With 15-9 Win Over Wells Fargo

Warning Track Power is on its first winning streak of the season after a too-tense 15-9 victory over Wells Fargo last night in St. Louis Park Mixed C League play. WTP (3-1) jumped out to a 9-0 lead in the bottom of the first, but for the second time in the last three weeks, failed to find the killer instinct that was present with the Boom Goes the Dynamite teams of 2005 and 2006.

Wells Fargo, a team made up of bank tellers, high school dropouts and former child actors, closed the gap to 12-9 in the fifth inning, but a small WTP rally and some stalwart defense sealed the win and the two-game win streak.

Playing in midsummerlike conditions with temperatures in the 90s and winds in the 20-30 mph range, both teams' pitchers struggled to find the strike zone. WTP hurler Jeff Keiser (Avon, Conn.) filled in admirably for staff ace Jim Strick (Combined Locks, Wis.) who was off providing his melodic voice talents to a low-level softball tournament in Wisconsin. Keiser walked three, but kept Wells Fargo's rallies to a minimum by deftly mixing up his pitches.

At the plate, Keiser had a forgettable performance, but was picked up by three WTPers with batting averages of .750 or better. Aging veteran Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.) had his best game since 2007, going 3-for-3 with an RBI and a run. Savvy slugger Matt Slieter (Owatonna, Minn.) continued his torrid start to the 2009 campaign with a 3-for-4 outing. Slieter is now hitting a team-best .909 on the season. Tall infielder Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.) had another stellar performance at the plate, going 3-for-4 with three RBI and three runs scored.

Warning Track Power now heads into the bye week with a 3-1 record in the St. Louis Park Mixed C League standings.

Box score above. For Warning Track Power season stats, go to slowpitchstats.com.

Game Notes
* Warning Track Power veteran Kevin Noth filled in as umpire for 1.1 innings until USSSA umpire Alexander P. Tardeman arrived.
* Warning Track Power went 19-for-36 (.528) on the night.
* Kevin Noth has hits in four straight at bats, his best streak since the 2006 campaign.
* Top hit streaks of the season: Matt Slieter: 7, Kevin Kurtt 5, Kevin Noth 4
* Cathy Behr has had four straight multi-hit games to start the season. Slieter has three consecutive multi-hit contests.
* For the second straght week, a WTPer struck out swinging. This week, Casey Kurtt got the K after last week's whiff by Amanda Hoehn.
* WTP is 3-0 when Kevin Kurtt wears his "Kyle's Birthday November 17" t-shirt.
* WTP is 3-0 at Dakota Park East and 0-1 at Dakota Park West.
* WTP was without the services of its top two pitchers in Jim Strick and Steve "Moonlight" Geller.
* WTP failed to hit a triple for the first time this season.
* Alyssa Downing arrived at the field a career-record 28 minutes early. Meghan Potter was also early for an unprecedented second week in a row.
* Ten-day acquisitions/lovebirds Ben Flattum and Carmelina Carabajal struggled at the plate, going a combined 1-for-5, but made significant social contributions during a postgame meal at Major's Sports Café.
* Flattum and Casey Kurtt were the lone WTPers without a hit.
* WTP drew a season-high six walks.
* WTP only had three extra base hits - doubles by Cathy Behr, Lisa Hardy (!) and Meghan Potter.
* Matt Slieter failed to reach base in the first inning for the first time this season.
* Cathy Behr was named the misterheavyfoot.blogspot.com Player of the Game. Second star: Kevin Noth. Third star: Matt Slieter.
* Umpire Alexander P. Tardeman was named the Nick Joos/CoSIDA Goat of the Game.
* Kevin Noth subbing for late umpire Alexander P. Tardeman for 1.1 innings was nominated for the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Year and the Kodak Moment of the Year.
* Lisa Hardy digging out a poorly thrown ball to first from third baseman Ryan Maus for a crucial out has been nominated for Kodak Moment of the Year.
* Umpire Alexander P. Tardeman made an inexplicable "out" call on a play at second base involving Matt Slieter. After a WTP flyout, Slieter tagged up and bluffed a run to third before retutning to second. Wells Fargo threw to second before Slieter reached the bag with Lately calling him out, despite the fact that a tag needed to be made. The moment will now be recognized as a contender for the Steak Knife Blooper of the Year.
* Also recognized for Blooper of the Year will be Casey Kurtt's drop of a perfectly thrown ball by shortstop Kevin Kurtt that would have provided a highlight-reel inning-ending double play.
* Fans in attendance: Leah Foreman-Keiser (one inning), Pam Hardy, Hardy Family Member A, Hardy Family Member B, Kieran Kurtt, Laura Kurtt.
* 2009 Three Star Standings:
Cathy Behr 6
Jim Strick 6
Matt Slieter 5
Kevin Noth 3
Michelle Train 3
Kevin Kurtt 1

Warning Track Power Back in the Win Column with 12-2 Thumping of Myslajek Ltd.

Warning Track Power got back in the win column Tuesday with a convincing 12-2 victory over Myslajek Ltd., in a game played in horrendous conditions of heavy rains and driving winds. WTP (2-1) cruised to the win on the strength of a pitching gem by veteran hurler Jim Strick (Combined Locks, Wis.) and perfect nights at the plate by Strick, Matt Slieter, Kevin Kurtt and Steve Geller (10-for-10, 7 runs, 5 RBI).

With the win, WTP maintained its undefeated all-time record (3-0) against Myslajek, a team comprised of certified public accountants, recovering alcoholics and at least one prostitute. Warning Track Power now stands in a three-way tie for second place behind defending champion Green Giants (2-0) in the St. Louis Park Mixed C League standings.

Box score above. For Warning Track Power season stats, go to slowpitchstats.com.

Game Notes
* The game was played in awful weather conditions with periods of heavy rain and sustained winds upwards of 30 mph.
* Warning Track Power played through the franchise's first ever rain delay.
* Warning Track Power went 21-for-34 (.618) on the night.
* Four WTPers had perfect nights from the plate - Matt Slieter (3-3), Kevin Kurtt (3-3), Jim Strick (2-2) and Steve Geller (2-2).
* Amanda Hoehn, an offseason free agent signee, made her WTP debut, going 0-for-3 with one strikeout (swinging).
* Hoehn's strikeout was the first swinging K in recorded franchise history.
* Aging veteran Steve "Moonlight" Geller made his 2009 WTP debut, going 2-for-2 with
* WTP recorded its third consecutive game with multiple triples.
* Pitcher Jim Strick did not have an earned run, despite the game being played in horrendous conditions.
* Jeff Keiser had a career-high two infield hits, including one ball that went approximately 17 inches in distance from home plate.
* Meghan Potter arrived at the field a career-record 23 minutes early.
* Alyssa Downing arrived at the field after the scheduled start for the fifth time in the last six games.
* Kevin Noth wore his always-popular wife-beater, but went with a long-sleeve t-shirt when the weather made a turn for the worse.
* Potter and Keiser both ordered mushroom pizzas at the postgame meal at Majors.
* Keiser and shortstop Kevin Kurtt each made a pair of throwing errors. Kurtt made up for it at the plate...Keiser did not.
* Kurtt had a team-leading 3 RBI despite hitting from the leadoff spot.
* Lisa Hardy hit the first sacrifice fly of the season.
* Jim Strick drew his second career walk.
* Amanda Hoehn was the lone WTPer without a hit.
* Kevin Kurtt and Jeff Keiser were not first two roster members present at Dakota Park for the first time this season. Keiser and Matt Slieter arrived before Kurtt.
* Jim Strick was named the misterheavyfoot.blogspot.com Player of the Game. Second star: Matt Slieter. Third star: Kevin Kurtt.
* The weather was named the Nick Joos/CoSIDA Goat of the Game.
* WTP gritting out four runs in the first inning under terrible weather conditions was nominated for the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Year.
* Steve "Moonlight" Geller's rare opposite field hit in the fourth inning has been nominated for the Kodak Moment of the Year.
* Umpire Ron Dinkenger made an inexplicable "safe" call on a play at first base even though Lisa Hardy had control of a poorly-thrown Jeff Keiser ball a full step ahead of the runner. The moment will now be recognized as a contender for the Steak Knife Blooper of the Year.
* Also recognized for Moment/Blooper of the Year will be Steve "Moonlight" Geller's slipping, sliding catch of a short fly ball, followed by a poor throw to third to complete a double play. The play would not have been recognized had Geller been wearing cleats.
* Fans in attendance: None, although Steve "Moonlight" Geller's agent Enrico Gellabrini was spotted in the stands. Rumor has it that Gellabrini is assisting Geller while he re-negotiates his endorsement contract with Myoplex.
* 2009 Three Star Standings:
Jim Strick 6
Matt Slieter 4
Cathy Behr 3
Michelle Train 3
Kevin Kurtt 1
Kevin Noth 1

Embarrassing. Warning Track Power Loses 9-8

8-0 lead after two innings, followed by allowing nine unanswered runs. Texa Tonka 9, Warning Track Power 8. There's your recap.

Box score above. For Warning Track Power stats, go to slowpitchstats.com.

Game Notes
* Game started out well with shortstop Kevin Kurtt opening his second straight game with a triple.
* Warning Track Power's downturn seemed to begin with utility player Alyssa Downing's strikeout...looking.
* Texa Tonka did not reach base until the third inning.
* Warning Track Power went 15-for-32 (.469) on the night.
* No WTPer had a batting average over .667 for the game.
* WTP set a team and league record with six triples, but had just one double and eight singles.
* WTP missed the savvy of veteran outfielder Matt Slieter.
* Aging slugger Steve "Moonlight" Geller was also absent.
* Only two players had multi-RBI games - Jeff Keiser (3) and Ryan Maus (2).
* Alyssa Downing, Meghan Potter and Casey Kurtt combined for a highlight-reel 9-4-2 double play with Kurtt blocking the plate to tag out a Texa Tonka runner at home. The moment will now be recognized as a contender for the Kodak Moment of the Year.
* Kevin Kurtt and Jeff Keiser were the first two roster members present at Dakota Park for the 15th time in the last 17 contests.
* Cathy Behr was named the misterheavyfoot.blogspot.com Player of the Game. Second star: Jim Strick. Third star: Kevin Noth.
* Umpire Susan H. Keller was named the Nick Joos/CoSIDA Goat of the Game.
* Alyssa Downing's strikeout was nominated for the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Year.
* Fans in attendance: Beth Kurtt, Jim Kurtt, Kieran Kurtt, Laura Kurtt, Cameron Noth, Lori Noth.

Roses Have Thorns, Eh?

With Guy LaFleur and his kid in jackass kid in some trouble with the law in Canada, we thought it was time to revisit one of the greatest hockey/beer commercials of all time.

Warning Track Power Era Begins with 25-6 Rout of Colgate

Behind the strength of an impressive .738 team batting average and a solid season-opening outing by savvy hurler Jim Strick (Combined Locks, Wis.), Warning Track Power cruised to a resounding 25-6 rout of Colgate in its inaugural game last night. Colgate, a team made up of a combination of furniture assemblymen, spa receptionists and toothpaste salespeople, was playing in its first game in the St. Louis Park Mixed C League.

Box score above. For Warning Track Power stats, go to slowpitchstats.com.

Game Notes
* Warning Track Power went 31-for-42 (.738) on the night.
* Four WTPers had perfect nights from the plate - Matt Slieter (4-4), Jim Strick (4-4), Kevin Noth (3-3) and Michelle Train (2-2).
* All but one batter (Casey Kurtt) recorded multi-hit games.
* Matt Slieter notched a career-best and franchise record-tying 5 RBI.
* With the fill-in performance of catcher/manager Michelle Traen, WTP management is considering cutting the absent Lisa Hardy or Amanda Hoehn in favor of locking up Traen for the season.
* Aging slugger Steve Geller was also absent.
* Train filled the shoes of Hardy quite nicely, drawing two walks.
* Shortstop/owner/president Kevin Kurtt opened the season with a triple, sliding head-first to narrowly beat the tag. Kurtt's slide was the team's only of the game.
* Eight players had multi-RBI games - Slieter (5), Strick (4), Alyssa Downing and Noth (3), Cathy Behr, Jeff Keiser, Katie Fornasiere and Train (2).
* Katie Fornasiere and Kevin Kurtt combined for the rare 4-6 fly ball putout in the first inning. Fornasiere camped under a shallow fly ball and did her best volleyball setter imitation as the ball bounced out of her glove and into the waiting hands of Kurtt. The moment will now be recognized as a contended for the Kodak Moment of the Year and/or the Steak Knife Blooper of the Year.
* Also up for Blooper of the Year was Noth's drastic misjudging of a long fly ball in the third inning.
* Slieter now is either tied or in the team lead in seven offensive categories - batting average (1.000), hits (4), doubles (2), RBI (5), slugging percentage (1.500), on-base percentage (1.000) and on-base plus slugging (2.500).
* 24 of WTP's 31 hits were singles.
* Kurtt and Keiser led the team with four runs scored.
* Kurtt and Keiser were the first two roster members present at Dakota Park for the 14th time in the last 16 contests.

* Train was named the misterheavyfoot.blogspot.com Player of the Game. Second star: Matt Slieter. Third star: Strick.
* Casey Kurtt was named the Nick Joos/CoSIDA Goat of the Game.
* Kevin Kurtt opening the game by turning a stand-up double into a head-first slide triple, thereby setting the tone for the game, was nominated for the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Year.
* Fans in attendance: Beth Kurtt, Jim Kurtt, Kieran Kurtt, Laura Kurtt, Cameron Noth, Lori Noth, Noth's Mom, Emily Slieter, Kelly Slieter.

Your 2009 Warning Track Power Preseason Roster

It's softball season and what better place than the new and improved Mister Heavyfoot for satirical game stories and fake press releases from everybody's favorite slowpitch softball team, Warning Track Power (nee Boom Goes the Dynamite). Things have mightily changed since we last heard from the storied franchise, namely the team's controversial decision to change its name from the iconic Boom Goes the Dynamite to the more aptly-titled Warning Track Power. WTP opens its 2009 campaign tomorrow in its second season in the St. Louis Park Mixed C Softball League. WTP's first opponent is Colgate. First pitch is at 6 p.m., at Dakota Park East.

So, without further ado, may we present to you the 2009 edition of Warning Track Power (subject to change):

Cathy Behr (UT) - A last minute signing to start the 2008 season who performed excellently all season; displays a courage and love of the game unrivaled in franchise history; able to play several positions, though she'd prefer to avoid shortstop so she can keep her manicured fingernails; one of the team's true powerhitters; winner of the following 2008 awards: Fox 9 Courage and Love of the Game (co-winner), Emily Wickstrom Grit/Determination Award, Tony's Diner Comeback Player of the Year, Gold Glove
Alyssa Downing (UT) - WTP's tannest player and a co-winner of the 2008 Duffy's Pizza Unsung Hero Award; quietly one of the team's most consistent on-base threats; sneaky fast baserunner who is always looking for extra bases
Steve Geller (P/OF/SS/3B) - will undoubtedly be swinging for the fences at every at-bat, especially with the addition of new Combat bats; looking to boucne back from a subpar 2008 season at the plate; winner of the following 2008 awards: Unsung Hero (co-winner), Fox 9 Courage and Love of the Game (co-winner), PPI Sports Most Aggressive Baserunner/Hustler Award, Gold Glove, Marvin Geller Lifetime Achievement Award (co-winner)
Lisa Hardy (1B) - opened the Lisa Hardy Speed Camp over the offseason; still one of WTP's slowest players, though she looks like she can run; will be splitting time between WTP and the Wayzata HS fastpitch team as an assistant coach; loss of Andrea Smith may be hardest on Hardy; is anticipating a poor hitting season as "the new bats are too heavy"
Amanda Hoehn (UT) - Lone offseason acquisition; a longtime slowpitch veteran who will bring some needed moxie to the WTP roster; has a great relationship with St. Louis Park Softball League umpires; is looking to exact a measure of revenge on her 2008 squad; appears on the preseason watch list for the Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Award
Jeff Keiser (P/OF/3B) - team general manager responsible for some of the best (Tyler Thomson) and worst (Chris Cords) signings in franchise history; winner of the following 2008 awards: Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP (co-winner), Gold Glove, Gregg Shimanski Executive of the Year (co-winner), Marvin Geller Lifetime Achievement Award (co-winner); contemplated sitting out the year with continued elbow soreness; enters season as one of WTP's few power threats; manager Michelle Train still can't figure out where he fits best in the field
Casey Kurtt (C/2B/OF) - co-owner of WTP with husband Kevin Kurtt; team's shortest player who looks to rebound from a subpar 2008 campaign at the plate; will run out any and all batted balls; tends to stop ground balls with her shins; also plays kickball during the season with the Kit Shickers; 2008 co-winner of the Duffy's Pizza Unsung Hero Award
Kevin Kurtt (SS/UT) - team president; co-owner of WTP with wife Casey Kurtt; packed on some ample winter weight in the offseason to bolster his inconsistent power hitting; will battle to keep his starting position at SS; enters season with continued pain in his throwing shoulder due to a torn labrum; had a solid 2008 season at the plate, but saw a significant dip in power hitting; winner of the following 2008 awards: Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP (co-winner), Victory Sports Silver Stick Award; Garry Bowman Leadership Award (co-winner), Gold Glove
Ryan Maus (OF) - deceptively slow outfielder who improved as the 2008 season wore on; now gainfully employed, he has no excuse for not producing this season; one of two lefthanded bats in the WTP lineup; smiles a lot; is way too into Twitter; veteran bullpen catcher; boasts an impressive fan club in Northfield, Minn; winner of the 2008 Potbelly Sandwich Works Most Improved Player Award and co-winner of the Duffy's Pizza Unsung Hero Award
Kevin Noth (OF/1B) - aging veteran who suffered through a dreadful 2008 season; didn't get the opportunity to show off his patented playoff surge as every tournament that Boom entered was cancelled; has vowed never to strikeout looking again; is primed for a strong 2009 season with renewed vigor after a rigorous offseason workout regimen; runaway "winner" of the Nick Joss/Mike Lochrem Biggest Disappointment "Award
Meghan Potter (OF) - bounced back after a lackadaisacal 2007 season to finish second in the Tony's Diner Comeback Player of the Year voting; hosted the season's only pre-game party in 2008; was outstanding with runners in scoring position; may be the team's lest aggressive baserunner; can be distracted by arrogant hockey/baseball players
Matt Slieter (UT) - a wily journeyman who is looking to build on a breakout 2008 season; didn't show the proneness to injury that is expected out of men's basketball SIDs; one of the team's least aggressive baserunners; despite average speed, won a Gold Glove from the outfield in 2008; one of few players who can hit to all fields
Jim Strick (UT) - tall; entered the season as an infielder/outfielder, but moved into the pitching spot after ineffectiveness from Steve Geller and Jeff Keiser; pitched a two-hitter in slowpitch softball, leading Boom to a pathetic 3-2 win; has total command of the strike zone to go along with an array of different pitches; changes speeds with ease; one of two lefthanded bats in the WTP lineup; led the team in on-base percenteage in 2008; winner of the 2008 Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Award and the Cy Young Award
Emily Wood (UT) - enters season on disabled list; perennial team sparkplug will supprt WTP from the stands if she is unable to play

Key Additions: Amanda Hoehn
Key Losses: Andrea Smith
Possible Subs: AVP, Garry Bowman, Carmelina Carabajal, Chris Cords, Phil Esten, Ben Flattum, Katie Fornasiere, Amy Hamilton, Emily Hennen, Kristin Hill, Nate Selvig, Anne Strong, Tyler Thomson, Michelle Train, Kristine Yorde
Season Opener: April 28

Area Woman Discloses Her Debilitating Fear of Deer

In an attempt to overcome a deep-seated and long-held fear, area woman Molly Casey (Brooklyn Park, Minn.) has announced that she has a debilitating phobia of deer and all things deer-related. Molly made her announcement during a large family gathering last weekend in Lakeland, Minn.

"I know several of you are aware of this, but my therapist thinks it would be a good idea if I said it out loud to everybody," a nervous and tearful Molly said. "Ok, here goes...I'm deathly afraid of deer. Yes, deer. I know you say they're one of nature's cutest animals and they're harmless herbivores, but those things scare the **** out of me. I would appreciate your support in helping me overcome my phobia. Please stop laughing."

According to phobialist.com, the medical term for fear of deer is Adnuolisphobia. Adnuolis is the scientfic name for white tailed deer. Adnuolisphobia is considered extremely rare.

Molly's announcement came as no surprise to her immediate family in attendance. According to a journal kept by Molly's mother, Mary Miller (Lakeland, Minn.), it appears Molly's fear of deer began after a 1986 viewing of the Disney classic "Bambi."

Miller wrote, "I think Molly's naiveté and gullibility got the best of her again today. We just got finished watching Bambi. Apparently, Molly (6) thought it was a documentary. She somehow got it into her head that Bambi and the other deer were the 'bad guys' in the movie. Most kids love Bambi. Not Molly. She cheered when Bambi's mother got shot by the hunters. For the rest of the movie, she was cheering for the hunters to get Bambi, Faline and the Great Prince. When the movie ended and all the deer were still alive, Molly shut all the curtains and started crying, saying 'The deer are still out there, Mommy.' Uh oh, it looks like I'm going to have to talk down Molly from another one of her fears. I just hope it doesn't take as long as calming her fear of poisoned apples (a la Snow White)."

Unable to overcome her fear, Molly has lived to this day with an intense phobia of deer and their relatives. Oldest sister Maggie Miller (St. Paul, Minn.) was quick to relay one of her favorite Molly/deer phobia stories.

"As the great big sister that I am, I always try to support my little sisters at their sporting events, dance recitals and such. I was a freshman at St. Ben's and I heard that Molly and her Stillwater track team had a meet in Elk River. Again, being the nice sister that I am, I hopped in my car and made the trek to the high school. Well, the Stillwater team bus shows up, but not with Molly. I called home and asked my Dad why Molly wasn't in Elk River. He told me that Molly tweaked an ankle while hurdling the day before. I got the feeling that Dad was hiding something from me, so I called my youngest sister (Jesse Brine). She told me that Molly faked her injury just so she didn't have to go to Elk River. Apparently, Molly's fear of deer also extends to elk. I guess she thought the town was swarming with the deer relatives. Makes my fear of Republicans look downright normal, doesn't it?"

Molly's phobia dogged the standout track athlete well after the meets in Elk River. In fact, Molly's deer-fear apparently cost her an athletic scholarship. According to documents obtained from current Stillwater Area girls' track & field coach Dawn Podolske, Molly turned down a sizable scholarship to NCAA Division II institution Nebraska-Kearney, apparently because of the school's Antelope mascot (photo of mascot Louie the Loper at right).

"We tried to get Molly to consider the scholarship offer to Kearney, but she was adamant," Casey's father, Mike Miller (Lakeland, Minn.), said. "She was not going to go to a school with a deer-like mascot. She had also elminated Maine-Augusta (Moose) from consideration. She was on the fence about schools with a ram as a mascot. I had no idea how deep her fear of deer ran until then."

Molly decided to attend the College of St. Benedict in St. Joseph, Minn., and became a member of the Blazer track & field team. But Molly's deer phobia would strike again during her college career, this time by the hooves of a seemingly suicidal white tailed deer.

According to an accident report filed with police, Molly was traveling along Collegeville Road on her way to visit her then-boyfriend, now-husband Kyle Casey (Brooklyn Park, Minn.) at St. John's University in Collegeville, Minn. Approximately one mile from the entrance to campus, a juvenile white tailed deer jumped out of the neighboring woods and slammed into the side of Molly's car, denting the driver's side door panels and cracking a window.

"When Molly got to my dorm room, she was an absolute wreck," Casey said. "Tears streaming down her face, shaking like a leaf, something had put the fear of God into her. I thought for sure she was mugged by a renegade St. Thomas student or something, but no, it was a deer. A ****ing deer. My girlfriend's irrational fear of deer had reared its ugly head yet again. Do you have any idea how long it took me to convince her that the deer aren't out to get her? I'll tell you this much, our relationship was nearly ruined...over a deer. A ****ing deer."

Unfortunately, that wasn't the last time that Molly's dear phobia impacted her husband. Married in November of 2006, Molly and Kyle moved into a new house in a new Brooklyn Park development in 2007. The backyard of the Casey house borders a small forest and open field, prime areas for encounters with various animals, including deer. Nearly every day since moving in, deer have wandered through their backyard, resulting in Molly burying herself under blankets in the basement.

"It's getting out of hand, really," Kyle said. "She sees a deer outside and immediately the crying, screaming and running to the basement begins. It's almost routine now. Our 16-month-old son (Carter) thinks it's normal to see mommy freak out the second a deer shows up outside our house. She better get over this fear, because much to her dismay, I'm not frosting over the windows and we're not moving."

Molly is reportedly contemplating agressive phobia therapy in an effort to overcome her fear of deer. The therapy includes visits to petting zoos, wearing vintage Minnesota Moose hockey jerseys, watching Discovery Channel nature shows and Versus hunting programs, hanging a set of deer antlers in the house, repeated singing of Do-Re-Mi, and ultimately, a nature hike/bowhunting trip to come face-to-face with a wild deer.

Area Softball Franchise Ditches Iconic Team Name in Favor of a More Apt Description

One of the Twin Cities' iconic recreational sports franchises is changing its name. Boom Goes the Dynamite, a slowpitch softball organization with ties to the now-defunct teams of Low Expectations, Gas on the Fire and I'm With Stupid will heretofore be known as Warning Track Power. The name change was completed several months ago in consultations between team president Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.), general manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Conn.) and third base coach Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.).

"Jeff, Steve and I just felt it was time to move this franchise in a new direction," Kurtt said from a press conference at Tony's Diner. "It's time to put the Boom Goes the Dynamite era to bed. The last two seasons have been dreadful and we really didn't want to sully the Boom name that garnered such acclaim after back-to-back CSC Championship seasons in 2005 and 2006.

"And really, anybody that watched the team's performance last season knows that we just weren't living up to our name. I mean, Boom? Dynamite? That squad resembled neither of those things. We decided to give this team a name that more aptly describes its play on the field. We are now Warning Track Power."

Looking at Boom's 2008 campaign, it seems the new moniker really does match the team's play on the field. According to the 2008 statistics provided by pitching coach Jim Strick (Combined Locks, Wis.), Boom hit a measly four home runs (three officially) and 18 triples in 18 games last season. Those four round-trippers came from three players - Keiser (2), Kevin Noth (1) and Geller (1, unofficially). Meanwhile, according to the Society for American Baseball Research (SABR), Boom players hit balls to the warning track an astounding 4.35 times per game last season.

"We're a team chock full of aging veterans with diminished ability to hit for power," Keiser said. "Nearly all of us are guilty of it, but there is no better example of this team's sudden lack of power than Kurtt. That guy used to hit balls for miles when we played in CSC. Now, he's like Ichiro out there. Single here. Double there. And once in a while he'll hit to the warning track. He blames the loss of 'pop' in our bats, but he, like many on this team, is getting old, slow and weak."

While Keiser is quick to point out Kurtt's sagging power numbers, it should be noted that Boom's female contingent of players displayed outstanding power last season and shouldn't be grouped in with such aging veterans like Kurtt, Noth, Geller and Strick. Standouts Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.), Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) and Alyssa Downing (Taunton, Minn.) all displayed outstanding power in 2008, belting several balls to the fence and proving that Warning Track Power really is an apt name for this team.

Warning Track Power will likely begin its season on Tuesday, April 28. Stay tuned for details.

Franchise History
2002: Low Expectations

(President: Aron "Rusty" Potter, General Manager Heather Potter)

2003: Gas on the Fire

(President: Chris Bergren, General Manager: Kevin Kurtt)

2004: I'm With Stupid

(President: Chris Bergren, General Manager: Kevin Kurtt)

2005: Boom Goes the Dynamite

(President: Steve Geller, General Manager: Steve Geller)

CSC CHAMPIONS

2006: Boom Goes the Dynamite

(President: Steve Geller, General Manager: Steve Geller)

CSC CHAMPIONS

2007: Boom Goes the Dynamite

(President: Jeff Keiser, General Manager: Jeff Keiser)

2008: Boom Goes the Dynamite

(President: Kevin Kurtt, General Manager: Jeff Keiser, Manager: Michelle Train)

2009: Warning Track Power

(President: Kevin Kurtt, General Manager: Jeff Keiser, Manager: Michelle Train)

Wild Fan Taunted for Tucking in Jersey

This article appears in the Feb. 19, 2009, edition of Let's Play Hockey.

SAINT PAUL – As a group, fans of the Minnesota Wild take their hockey seriously. They’re a knowledgeable and passionate bunch. It appears, however, that some followers of the NHL franchise have taken their love for the Wild and the game of hockey a bit too far.

According to reports out of the Xcel Energy Center, fan Chris Lagasse (Crookston, Minn.) received a healthy dose of verbal harassment from a sizable group of die-hard Wild fans at a recent game at the St. Paul arena. Reportedly, Lagasse had to ask for security assistance from ushers in the second period of the Valentine’s Day game vs. Ottawa when a group of fans heckled the 24-year-old graphic designer for tucking in his replica Derek Boogaard jersey.

“My wife and I were enjoying the game when out of nowhere this group of fans in our section started yelling at me to untuck my jersey,” Lagasse said. “They were merciless. They had half the upper deck chanting, ‘Untuck your jersey,’ followed by the familiar ‘clap, clap, clap-clap-clap.’”

Witnesses report that Lagasse was standing more often than most fans during the game, apparently trying to fire up the Wild with motivational cheers after the team’s three-goal lead started fading in the second period.

“In the first period, I hardly noticed the tucked-in jersey guy,” Section 210 fan Bryan Maus said. “But then, the Wild started going in the tank in the second and he was constantly on his feet, trying to get the fans to cheer ‘Let’s go, Wild’ and stuff like that. Nobody paid much attention to him until they noticed he had his jersey tucked into his Dockers.

“Then the proverbial gloves came off. It started with just a couple of guys yelling at him to untuck his jersey. By the end of the second period, almost half the section was hurling insults and the occasional box of popcorn at the guy. I can’t say he deserved it, but c’mon, who in their right mind thinks a tucked-in hockey jersey looks good?”

Though he received a healthy dose of grief from fellow Wild fans, Lagasse was unapologetic for his wardrobe choice.

“I was taking my wife out to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a little dinner at Fuji Ya followed by the game. I wanted to class up my look a little bit, so I tucked in my jersey. She’s always bothering me to tuck my shirt in and brush my teeth before I go to work, so I just thought she’d be happy with me if I tucked in the jersey for a night out on the town. Boy, did that backfire.”

According to the incident report filed at the arena, ushers were called to Section 210 for fan assistance during the second period. Usher Rob Swoverland was the first on the scene.

“It was an ugly situation. Mr. Lagasse looked like a complete idiot, and if I wasn’t working at the time, I would have probably taunted him, too. After a few near-misses by thrown cups of beer, I finally convinced him to untuck his jersey. But he wasn’t happy about it. His wife, however, was relieved.”

According to Lagasse’s wife, Megan, the tucked-in jersey fiasco wasn’t the first time that Lagasse has been the subject of teasing from fans at a sporting event.

“We go to a lot of Twins games in the summer and, despite the fact that he’s 24 years old, Chris insists on bringing his glove to every game. I understand catching a foul ball is a thrill, but we have season tickets in the upper deck above the left field foul pole. That’s an area no foul ball has ever, or will ever, reach. I love Chris with all of my heart, but what guy over the age of 12 brings his glove to a baseball game?”