Colorblind Hockey Player Keeps Going Offsides

This article appears in the Dec. 11, 2008, edition of Let's Play Hockey.

BLAINE, MINN. – Area hockey player Geoff Kaiser picked up the sport a mere three months ago, but the Plymouth, Minn., native is already considering hanging up the skates for good due to his rare red-blue colorblindness. A forward for the Elsinore Brewery team in the Norris Division of the SuperRink D League, Kaiser has gone offsides a league record 114 times in 16 games this season, apparently because of his inability to discern the difference between the red and blue lines.

Even though Kaiser, 32, wholly understands the rules of hockey, he routinely gets confused as to which lines are which colors, leading to multiple whistles for offsides during nearly every one of Kaiser’s shifts. Just last weekend in a league game against the rival Bourque Chops, Kaiser skated offsides an astonishing six times in one shift.

"Being colorblind has certainly taken a toll on my development as a hockey player," Kaiser said after a game which featured 29 whistles attributed solely to the hapless forward. "It’s just so darn confusing out there on the ice. I mean, what’s red to you is blue to me and vice versa. It’s like bizarro world. How can I be expected to stay onsides when I can’t tell if the line I just crossed was really red or blue?"

In an effort to combat the obvious conflict of Kaiser’s visual disability with the rules of hockey, Elsinore Brewery teammates have gone to great lengths to solve the maddening problem. Team captain Mike Lunderbergh thought he found the solution upon finishing his box of Fruity Pebbles late last month.

"I’m just polishing off a box of my favorite cereal when I notice something amid the crumbs," Lunderbergh said. "There it was. The solution to all of our problems – 3-D glasses. It seemed like a great idea and it was to a certain extent. The glasses solved the red line-blue line problem, but it sure did a number of Geoff’s depth perception. He wasn’t going offsides anymore, but he was constantly running into the boards. Back to the drawing boards, I guess."

When the 3-D glasses experiment failed, the Elsinore Brewery squad tried several other tactics to handle the issue, including hypnosis, behavior modification, looking into retinal transplants and playing Geoff only when they had a faceoff in the offensive zone. When all those strategies failed, the team turned to league director Sam Lombardo.

"The Elsinore Brewery team came to me with a drastic suggestion to help rid the league of the offsides epidemic that has plagued it since Kaiser started playing hockey," Lombardo said. "Lunderbergh asked the rink manager to re-paint our lines in more Kaiser-friendly colors like green and orange. That just wasn’t going to happen. We’d be the laughingstock of the ice arena world."

The majority of Kaiser’s teammates have been nothing but supportive as Kaiser has battled his colorblindness on the ice. Some Elsinore Brewery players, however, seem to be losing patience.

"Listen, I like Geoff. I respect Geoff. I just don’t understand Geoff," veteran defenseman Karl Coughlin said. "How hard is it to figure out that the center line is red and the other two lines are blue? Seriously, I’ve had just about enough of this. If he doesn’t quit, I quit."

Other team members have taken a more pragmatic, look-on-the-bright-side approach to the problems that Kaiser has brought to the ice.

"I’m as annoyed by all the whistles as the next guy, but I’ll tell you this, I’m getting really good at taking faceoffs," center Stefan Gellar said.

Kaiser claims he didn’t anticipate the impact his visual disability would have on the Elsinore Brewery team and the SuperRink D League.

"I really didn’t expect my colorblindness to be a problem in hockey," Kaiser said. "I mean, it’s never really been an issue before...aside from my short-lived career as a high school quarterback when I passed to the wrong team because I thought they’re wearing blue when they were really wearing red. Oh, and every four years during election time, the whole red state-blue state thing gets really confusing. Come to think of it, maybe the reason I get pulled over all the time for running red lights has something to do with me having trouble seeing red. I guess I should have seen this coming."

Lunderbergh has called a team meeting to address the future of Kaiser on the Elsinore Brewery team. League officials are anxiously awaiting the team’s decision.

"As officials, we need to stay as impartial as possible," linesman Jim Backlin said. "But the sooner Kaiser is done as a hockey player, the better. I’ve gone through 14 whistles this season. My whistle budget is through the roof."

2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Team Awards

Shane Sanderfeld Memorial MVP: Jeff Keiser and Kevin Kurtt (runner-up: Jim Strick)
- Comments on Keiser: "The team’s Jack of All Trades and most consistent run producer through the long, grinding season." "Had the only two home runs of the year, and along with Kevin Kurtt was the most consistent hitter until a late season funk."
- Comments on Kurtt: "Team’s most consistent offensive and defensive player."
- Also receiving votes: Cathy Behr ("Brought her lunch pail to work every game. Played through injuries. Brought new bat."), Matt Slieter ("Nearly flawless in the field/good hitter despite his refusal to try for extra bases."), Michelle Train ("She managed egos and diverse personalities and still put a winning product on the field.")

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl Playoff MVP: N/A
- Comments on N/A: "Nobody deserves this award. We stunk." "We didn’t have playoffs, did we?" "There was no postseason, and we need to find a league that has one so slow-starting veterans like Noth and myself can know when our bats need to start to heat up. You can’t expect us to be consistent the whole year." "A Playoff MVP? Ahh no…" "We would have to win some games for a Playoff MVP"
- Also receiving votes: Sam Lambardo (aka Jim Lombardi) ("for encouraging us to sign up for two tournaments which were later cancelled due to lack of interest, resulting in mass confusion on how much money the Boom front office had spent in 2008."

Duffy’s Pizza Unsung Hero Award: Alyssa Downing, Steve Geller, Ryan Maus, Casey Kurtt
- Comments on Downing: "Quietly one of the team’s most consistent on-base threats."
- Also receiving votes: Meghan Potter ("Led team in RBI and was dogged all year for lack of hustle. This applies more towards the first session. We caught a glimpse of a Potter who is into the game, can hit and field. I think it is time for Train to figure how to pick and choose the right spots to use a motivated Potter."), Emily Slieter, Jim Strick, Michelle Train ("Perhaps an MVP candidate considering her absence created all kinds of confusion in making out a lineup and figuring out who goes where."), Emily Wood ("Quietly racked up great numbers both at the plate and on the mound/didn’t get nearly the amount of press that Kurtt, Keiser, Geller and Noth got."

Victory Sports Silver Stick Award: Kevin Kurtt (runner-up: Matt Slieter)
- Comments on Kurtt: "Solely cuz he won the batting title…now if he could just find a little of the power he had during the CSC days." "He had the highest batting average didn’t he? Next year we need a real official scorer so we can get a legit feel as to how everyone really hit this year.
- Comment on Slieter: "A smooth stroke that packed power and finesse to the opposite field."
- Also receiving votes: Steve Geller ("This aging hurler made like Babe Ruth after forsaking the mound, putting forth a productive season at the plate. Kudos, Steve.", Cathy Behr, Jeff Keiser, Meghan Potter.

Lady Byng Sportsmanship Award: Emily Wood (runner-up: Ryan Maus)
- Comments on Wood: None
- Comments on Maus: "Based solely on his ever-present smile." "Plays the game the way it should be played."
- Also receiving votes: Lisa Hardy, Jeff Keiser, Andrea Smith, Jim Strick ("Would have a clean record of great sportsmanship except the final game when he argued strikes with the bad ump."), Kristine Yorde, Maggie, N/A

Garry Bowman Leadership Award: Michelle Train and Kevin Kurtt (runner-up: Jeff Keiser)
- Comment on Train: "Put everything into her new role as team manager/her putting together inning-by-inning lineups was above and beyond the call of duty."
- Comments on Kurtt: "Where would this franchise be without his tireless efforts? No where, that’s where." "No greater leader than someone who can spend time finding 64 people to seed and place in a bracket and then coordinate voting to determine who 'goes Boom the most.'"
- Comment on Keiser: "Keiser was the closest thing to a leader on a team without one this year. Bring back Coughlin. Did I just say that, don’t ever tell him I said that."
- Also receiving votes: Lisa Hardy ("After Jeff embarrassed himself at the meeting at homeplate."), Jim Strick

Emily Wood Team Spirit Award: Emily Wood (runner-up: Kevin Noth)
- Comments on Wood: "Always a sparkplug" "Who else?" "It’s in the title!"
- Also receiving votes: Kevin Noth-Kevin Kurtt-Steve Geller-Jeff Keiser ("The only ones who showed for every game.", Lisa Hardy, Steve Geller ("Never missed a game despite playing in two leagues."

Fox 9 News Courage and Love of the Game Award: Steve Geller and Cathy Behr (runners-up: Ryan Maus, Andrea Smith)
- Comments on Geller: None
- Comments on Behr: "Amputated a finger and still played, and also played through getting beaned from the outfield early in the year trying to stretch a double into a triple. Ouch." "Taking one off the neck and playing without a fingernail!"
- Comment on Maus: "Seriously always smiling."
- Also receiving votes: Matt Slieter ("Overcame spousal restraints to post a spectacular debut year."), Jeff Keiser

Potbelly Sandwich Works Most Improved Player: Ryan Maus (runner-up: Kristine Meghan Potter)
- Comment on Maus: "Might be the only person who hit better in the fall than during the spring"
- Comment on Potter: "RBI machine came through when needed most."
- Also receiving votes: Lisa Hardy, Michelle Train, Kristine Yorde, Nobody ("Everyone got worse, that's why we sucked.", Did you see this team?, Who knows? Wasn't a member last season.

Emily Wickstrom Grit/Determination Award: Cathy Behr (runners-up: Kevin Noth, Andrea Smith)
- Comments on Behr: "Overcame numerous bumps, cuts and bruises due to her rough-and-tumble style of play." "Got hit in the neck by a throw and had a nail ripped off her hand and bled all over the place."
- Also receiving votes: Alyssa Downing, Steve Geller, Lisa Hardy ("Doesn't back down to anyone"), Casey Kurtt

Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year: Jim Strick (runner-up: Matt Slieter)
- Comments on Strick: None
- Comments on Slieter: "Emerged as one of team’s most dependable cornerstones." "Although Slieter is as much a rookie as Roy Hobbs was in the Natural" "Anyone who can win the Boom Bracket in his first year is an easy choice"
- Also receiving votes: Ryan Maus

PPI Sports Most Aggressive Baserunner/Hustler Award: Steve Geller (runner-up: Alyssa Downing)
Comments on Geller: "Who else would slide as much as he does?" "No explanation necessary"
Comments on Downing: "This was Geller’s award to lose and he did just that by running into too many tags on the bases"
Also receiving votes: Kevin Kurtt ("I would put myself on here, but when you get thrown out 75 percent of the time, I don’t think you deserved this honor"), Meghan Potter

Tony's Diner Comeback Player of the Year: Cathy Behr (runners-up: Lisa Hardy, Meghan Potter)
Comments on Behr: None
Comments on Hardy: "After some struggles in ’07 she bounced back to post a solid overall season"
Comments on Potter: "Despite accusations of lackadaisical effort she did lead the team in RBI, and was money with runners in scoring position until she just gave up in the final two games. I think in the future we need more pre-game barbeques and more weeks off to keep Potter motivated for an entire season."
Also receiving votes: Steve Geller, Matt Slieter, Emily Wood ("Recovered from a pre-season injury to become the team’s best female hitter during the fall."

Jeannie/Cowboy Bob Superfan Award: Kieran Kurtt and The Kurtt Family (runner-up: Pam Hardy)
- Comment on Kieran: "Team’s record with him in attendance speaks for itself."
- Comment on Kurtt Family: "Loyal even during a horrendous Boom season."
- Also receiving votes: Laura Kurtt, Cathy's Guy, AVP

Goldy’s Gang Mascot of the Year: Maggie (runner-up: Cooper)
- Comment on Maggie: "Watch out for your sandwich Keiser!!"
- Also receiving votes: AVP

Burrito Loco Best 10-Day Acquisition Award: Bobbi Ross (runner-up: Doug Vose)
- Comments on Ross: "What an athlete!" "If management has any clue what they are doing they will lock her up to a long-term contract"
- Comment on Vose: "Five-for-five doesn’t get much better"
- Also receiving votes: Michelle Train

Nick Joos/M. Lochrem Biggest Disappointment “Award”: Kevin Noth
- Comments on Noth: "Playoff performance last season proved merely a mirage." "Has anyone had a bigger rollercoaster career. We should have to pay money to watch the ups and downs that makes up a typical summer softball season for Kevin Noth."
- Also receiving votes: Garry Bowman, Kyle Coughlin, Bobbi Ross ("I don’t know who that is, but I’ll put my vote there"), Matt Slieter ("For grounding out 4-3 when he had a chance to end the Green Giants win streak"), Andrea Smith, The server in the bar area at Majors, The female umpire that Keiser rightly insulted

Cy Young, brought to you by Icy Hot: Jim Strick (runners-up: Steve Geller, Jeff Keiser)
- Comments on Strick: "He was downright tremendous in the circle, and should lead Boom into next season " "Finally a pitcher who wants to be on the team mound and is a team player."
- Comments on Keiser: "Not because he deserves it, just better than Geller and Strick"
- Also receiving votes: Meghan Potter

Gold Glove, presented by Isotoner: Kevin Kurtt, Steve Geller, Emily Wood, Matt Slieter, Cathy Behr, Jeff Keiser
- Also receiving votes: Jim Strick, Alyssa Downing, Ryan Mays, Andrea Smith

Gregg Shimanski Executive of the Year: Jeff Keiser and Michelle Train (Runner-up: Nobody. This team was a joke.)
- Comment on Keiser: "Results weren’t there but he worked his ass off."
- Comment on Train: "Exemplified the team in that her fire and intensity were strong at the start of the year, but faltered down the stretch."

Marvin Geller Lifetime Achivement Award: Steve Geller and Jeff Keiser
- Comments on Geller: "One of the Boom all-time greats, and a model of what we all should strive to become."
- Also receiving votes: Cathy Behr ("Good to have a new and improved version of Behr back. Looking forward to adding Teeks, Dom and Pablo next year, and shipping out old useless veterans like Geller, Noth and Slieter."), Casey Kurtt ("A promising softball career came to much too early end due to annoying teammates."), Kevin Noth ("For being the oldest member of Boom."), Bob Swoverland, Emily Wood ("As rumors swirl she may retire.")

Bobby Z’S Kodak Moments of the Year:
• Steve Geller going opposite field
• Steve Geller’s home run that wasn’t
• Jim Strick’s late season shutout performance
• Emily Wood stab to ice game
• Ryan Maus’s great outfield catches
• Jeff Keiser’s two home run game, quite possibly a record that will never be duplicated by our lame group of slap hitters.
• Jim Strick’s 3-2 victory, quite possibly the most pathetic game ever played in Boom history, but still the best pitching performance ever.
• Doug Vose’ head first slide.
• Kevin Noth hitting the first fenced home run in Boom history.
• Meghan Potter going 13-for-13 with runners in scoring position.
• Jim Strick tossing a 2-hitter.
• Meghan Potter hosting the Boom party.
• Lisa Hardy making opposing pitchers work.
• Bobbi Ross diving back into home plate after running past it

The Steak Knife Bloopers of the Year:
• Susan H. Keller’s incredibly poor umpiring
• Jeff Keiser putting his foot in his mouth to Susan H. Keller’s son
• Steve Geller body slam/slide/flop into second base
• Jeff Keiser telling the ump his mom is horrible
• Steve Geller’s slides into second and third
• Bobbi Ross playing Canadian Rules Softball
• Cathy Behr taking a hard grounder to a fingernail
• Matt Slieter turning a home run into a double.
• Alyssa and Dre running into each other in the outfield, no play represented the season better.
• Steve Geller getting thrown out on the basepaths on numerous occasions.
• Kevin Noth’s annual strikeout (only this time caught looking).
• Jeff Keiser overrunning first and getting tagged out and the ump actually making her first savvy call of the year.
• Highway robbery by the bad ump when we doubled off a player that would have been final out of the inning, leading to a big inning and our worst loss of the year to nine high-school aged punk kids.
• Kevin Noth?
• Cameron Noth hitting on Emily Slieter.

Most Awards Won
Steve Geller 5
Cathy Behr 4
Jeff Keiser 4
Kevin Kurtt 4
Emily Wood 3
Ryan Maus 2
Jim Strick 2
Michelle Train 2
Alyssa Downing 1
Casey Kurtt 1
Kieran Kurtt 1
The Kurtt Family 1
Maggie 1
Nobody 1
Kevin Noth 1
Bobbi Ross 1
Matt Slieter 1

Most Times Runner-Up
Jeff Keiser 2
Ryan Maus 2
Kevin Noth 2
Meghan Potter 2
Matt Slieter 2
Andrea Smith 2
Cooper 1
Alyssa Downing 1
Stebe Geller 1
Lisa Hardy 1
Pam Hardy 1
Jim Strick 1
Doug Vose 1

No Votes Received
Kristine Yorde
LFK
Sara Foreman
Katie Fornasiere
Tory Kukowski
Beth Kurtt
Jim Kurtt
Cameron Noth
Lori Noth
Kelly Slieter
Laura's Tall Guy

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 9 Picks

The Professor is done. Done gloating. Done ripping on his fellow Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner participants. Done trying to convince you, the bettor, that you should follow The Professor.

As a wise man once said, "The proof is in the picks." Well, like a mathematical theorem, The Professor has the proof and the proof is The Professor's Smart Money Picks:


In honor of the final week of the Big Ten regular season, The Professor is throwing a bit of a curveball to his followers. This week, I'm giving you actual quotes from the Big Ten community in defense of my picks. We start off with "The Game," except this year, it's just "A Game." A spread of 20.5 points is an awful lot in a rivalry that hasn't seen a victory margin of 20 or more since a 28-0 Michigan win in 1993, but 2008 is not like the past 14 meetings between these two schools. ESPN analyst and former Buckeye knows this:

"[The Wolverines] stink, they're not very good. They don't play offense ... they can't run it consistently, they can't throw it consistently, they can't stop the run, they're not very good defending the pass, they're not very good covering kicks, they're not very good returning kicks."

Even Wolverine great Desmond Howard admits his team sucks.

"...the way they've lost some of those games...it's not like they were trying to learn a spread offense (as much as) like they were trying to learn how to play football in some of those games, they looked so bad. This isn't Michigan, this is like Michigan Tech. Now, there's a way to lose, and there's a way to look embarrassing....As a player, you have to have some pride to go out on the field and do certain things that show you're a football player."

I don't know about you, but if Spielman and Howard both are saying essentially the same thing, that means the Winged Helmets are primed for a bloodbath. Take the Bucks and the points. Final Score: Ohio State 42, Michigan 13 (OHIO STATE -20.5 vs. Michigan).

In the Old Oaken Bucket game, it's Tiller Time's farewell vs. the merciful end of Indiana's season. I'll be the first to say that I just don't understand this spread. Eleven points?!? The Boilers hav won three games this season and only one was by more than a touchdown. Now, granted, Indiana is dreadful, but their losses by 10 points or more have come to decent teams (Ball State, MSU, Iowa, Illinois, UW, PSU). Purdue is not a decent team. To verify my suspicion with this spread, we turn to Tiller Time. He's sure to have put a lot of thought into his game plan, especially in regards to his quarterback situation.

"We'll probably start Curtis just out of courtesy to Curtis, as a senior."

Okayyyy. So, what Joe's telling us here is that he's pretty much mailed it in. On the other sideline, Bill Lynch certainly will have an insightful thing to say about this passionate rivalry.

"Having this game at the end is better than having this in the middle of the season."

Okayyyy. So, what Bill's telling us here is it's nice the end of the season is near and it's nice they actually have a chance to win against a bad Purdue team. You won't win, Bill, but you will cover. Final Score: Purdue 22, Indiana 20 (Indiana +11 vs. PURDUE).


Now it's time for the real "The Game" of the weekend. Penn State is going for its second league crown in four years, while Michigan State silently cheering for Michigan to pull off the upset in the 'Shoe, setting the table for a Sparty win over the Nits to vault into the Rose Bowl. You'd think with all that on the line, the talk in Happy Valley would be on the big tilt. Instead, the Penn Staters are talking about JoePa's arthritic hip. Numerous column inches in Pennsylvania newspapers have been devoted, not to Nits vs. Spartans, but to a near-82-year-old man's right leg.

"The hip is not a difficult thing for an 80-year-old man to return from," said Easwaran Balasubramanian (I'm not making up that name), chief of orthopedic surgery at Northeastern Hospital. "Complications are always there. Among them are infection and blood clots. But an infection occurs only 0.5 percent of the time. Blood clots are more common, but the significance isn't major. He'll be on a walker for about three weeks and then a cane for a couple of weeks."

When Happy Valley isn't worrying about JoePa's hip, they're worrying about QB Daryll Clark's sudden loss of ability to play football. David Jones of The (Harrisburg) Patriot-News:

"He's rushing every movement, all jerks and abrupt stops. Nothing is smooth or relaxed. Worse, he's begun throwing either off his back foot or with no stride at all, feet flat as if entombed in set cement.

Worse yet, it seems Clark's teammates are a tad worried about their quarterback's confidence level. I give you Deon Butler:

"Guys just need to relax and calm down and we need to get back to our old ways when we played with a lot more confidence, a lot more swagger. Now it's like, 'I hope we get the first down.'"

All of this is adding up to at best, a narrow Penn State win, or at worst a Michigan State upset. But does Sparty have what it takes to pull off the huge win in State College? The stats show that MSU has four victories against teams with winning records, but none against ranked opponents. In their last chance to make a statement, the Fighting Dantonios fell flat on their face in Columbus. Predictably, Dantonio is playing the respect card this week.

"That's a continuous thing that you fight, that respect factor. This is a world of instant gratification. People want it and want it now. We are truly a work in progress, but we come to play. And as long as you come to play and we play with confidence and we know what we're doing on that end, we'll always have a chance."

I know all the talking heads say when they hear Brewster's pre-game braggadocio, they want to strap on the pads and get out there, but for The Professor's smart money, no one says it as well as Mark Dantonio. It is for that reason, and the fact that JoePa's hip is a major news story, that The Professor is predicting a Michigan State upset this weekend. Sorry, Keisers. Final Score: Michigan State 31, Penn State 28 (Michigan State +14 vs. PENN STATE).


Now it's time for Wickstrom vs. Coughlin. Let's go right to the quotes. Illinois defensive end Will Davis doesn't sound too confident in his schizophrenic team's ability to take home the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk:

"We're all competitors and we lost some games we shouldn't have lost. We lost to teams we felt we could beat, so that hurt. The hardest part is getting it out of your head and getting ready for the next team."

For Northwestern's part, I turned to former 'Cat head coach Denny Green for one of his pearls of football wisdom:

"Northwestern has a place in the Big Ten. Northwestern has a place in major college athletics."

Sounds good on paper, right? Well, not exactly. Denny said that with a look that says he's not entirely convinced by his own statement. Not to be outdone, Illinois assistant coach had this to say, channeling his inner Denny:

"We have to find a way to come out every week and play (hard) because when we play we can play with anybody. And when we don't, we can lose to anybody.''

Clearly, these quotes aren't helping me pick this game, so we'll go with a very telling stat: since 1993, the team with the better record has won 14 out of 15 times. That's enough for me. Take the Cats. Final Score: Northwestern 24, Illinois 20 (NORTHWESTERN +3 vs. Illinois).


Time for the game to determine who takes home a bronze pig. Joel Maturi sounds as if he's predicting a loss this week:

"Going into this season, most people would have been ecstatic with a 7-5 record going into a bowl game. The bigger picture is that we've made great strides here no matter what happens. You either win two more or you win one more or you lose two. We will deal with whatever happens."

Looks like the Athletic Communications office still can't stop Joel from saying stupid things. It also looks like the long-standing head-butting between the AD and football coach is still going strong. The Brew Crew says:

"To me, it's such a bad way to end the year if you lose. You have a double deal, if you lose to Iowa and lose the bowl game. What type of momentum do you have then off of a season when you had a lot of momentum?"

For Iowa blogger "Nefarious," the result of this game has already been decided:

"Go back and look at last year's Iowa schedule. Now look at this year's schedule. Notice anything bizarre? That's right. This year, we've beaten every team we lost to last year, and lost to every team we beat last year. Now, at first I was willing to chalk this up to coincidence. Then, after the Illinois game, it was a legitimate theory, but after the Penn State game. This is clear demonstrable evidence of a very real curse."

Thanks for that analysis, Nefarious, but The Professor doesn't go with trends. I'm not trendy. Instead, I'll go with a true curse - that of Gopher Football and the Metrodome. We all know what's going to happen on Saturday in the Dome, don't we. First quarter: close game, Minnesota ahead by a field goal. Second quarter: Gophers get hot and build a 17-point lead. Third quarter: Goof Troop goes completely off their game plan from the first half and just goes into a shell, hoping to hold the lead. Iowa closes the gap to six. Fourth quarter: Hawks build momentum and make a field goal to trail by three. Gophers respond with about two and a half minutes to go with a field goal of their own to lead by six. Thirteen seconds to go and Iowa is on the Minnesota 25. Everyone is covered deep, so Stanzi tries a mid-zone pass to Johnson-Koulianos. In a fitting end to the Dome era, Stanzi's poorly-thrown pass deflects off the umpire's head and falls into the hands of Andy Brodell who scampers into the end zone. Iowa makes the extra point and wins by one. Minnesota still covers. Mark it down. This will happen. Final Score: Iowa 27, Minnesota 26 (MINNESOTA +6 vs. Iowa).


Finally, we get to the game everyone is talking about: Cal Poly at Wisconsin. Wait, everyone isn't talking about it? And it's deer opener in Wisconsin?

"I don't know what to anticipate; it is kind of an unusual situation," said Vince Sweeney, senior associate athletic director. "The thing we could compare it to is when we played Buffalo two years ago and we had a pretty good turnout that day."

Seeing that the spread was set by Gellersfeld, there's no way it's an accurate representation of the matchup. Nevertheless, Wisconsin will take Cal Poly lightly and the deer hunter-sparse crowd will take some juice out of the Camp Randall vibe. Bucky wins, but closer than the "experts" think. Take the Mustangs. Final Score: Wisconsin 37, Cal Poly 30 (Cal Poly +25 vs. WISCONSIN).


Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner Current Standings (week 8)
The Professor – 29-14 (4-1)
KCKCKCK – 26-17 (3-2)
Wick – 20-17 (2-3)
The Intern – 20-17 (4-1)
Slietes – 23-20 (2-3)
Mighty – 22-21(4-1)
Coolies – 22-21(1-4)
Jimbo – 22-21(2-3)
Cornerman – 21-22 (4-1)
Traeny – 18-20 (2-3)
The Host – 17-26 (3-2)
The Veteran – 12-20 (0-0)

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 8 Picks

Some have said The Host's lenghthy gambling history makes him the strongest handicapper in Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner. A 14-24 season record says otherwise. Would he lead you astray? Yes. Yes he would.

Others say The Cornerman's experience working for two Big Ten universities on opposite ends of the "strength of football program" spectrum gives him invaluable insight into the conference. A 17-21 record says he has learned nothing in his travels around the league. If you've gone with his picks, he's put you in the corner.

Still others say with a name like The Veteran, he must know what he's doing. A 12-20 record says he does not.

Only a fool would follow the picks of someone we refer to as The Intern. A .500 record confirms this.

Coolies gets a little credit for resurrecting Pick 'Em Corner, but he's really only good at picking Purdue games.

Then there are the upstarts. Wick, Slietes, Jimbo, Traeny and Mighty are all over the map on their picks, but they don't back up their predictions with solid analysis in the form of a time-wasting e-mail. They cannot be trusted.

Finally, that brings us to the cream of the crop, KCKCKCK and yours truly, The Professor. KCKCKCK and his second-place record is only out to make money for his sponsor, Erberts & Gerberts, so why not turn to the first-place handicapper who has you, the bettor, in mind? I'm just here to educate, so students, sit down, be quiet and prepare to learn. These are The Professor's Smart Money Picks:

In a battle between the last two Goof Troop opponents, we have the Mildcats visiting Meeeeeeeeeeechigan. You'd think seeing these two teams play the Gophs would help in picking this game, but the Brew Crew was dreadful in both contests, so they're of no help. To figure this game out, I talked to all-time great UM basketball coach Tommy Amaker. Given his history with smart-guy schools Duke, Seton Hall and Harvard, Amaker was enamored with Northwestern and begged me to pick the 'Cats. I would, Tommy, but you're just not a reliable Big Ten mind. I mean, you never made it to the NCAA Tournament and you have a reputation of underacheiving and falling apart in pressure situations. Your word just cannot be trusted. Instead, we look to the history books. Michigan has won 33 of the 40 contests in Ann Arbor in this series and is on a five-game win streak vs. NU. True, this ain't your typical Wolverine squad, but they're still Michigan and Northwestern is still Northwestern. Take the Winged Helmets at the points. Final Score: Michigan 29, Northwestern 21 (MICHIGAN -3.5 over Northwestern).

You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's the MasterLock Triple Strong Lock of the Week! It's been awhile since I've given you a lock, but that's because it should be assumed that all my picks are locks. Anyway, in Happy Valley, the Nits are favored by an astounding 35.5 points over the woeful Hoosiers. The Fighting Keisers are fuming over their loss last week to the Fighting S'felds and ready to take out their frustrations on IU. If we were picking straight up, this would be the easiest game to pick all season, but instead we have 35.5 points staring us in the face. To find out if Indiana is really 35.5 points worse than Popcorn Paterno, I spoke with the Indiana student who held up the bedsheet with the words "Fire Bill Lynch" written on it at the last Hoosier home game. He told me the Hoosier players didn't take his editorial on the IU head coach too well and he's now in Steve Bartman-like hiding somewhere on the Bloomington campus. That says a lot, because if there's one thing I know about Indiana Football, it's that that team can get fired up for their coach...whether he's living or not. Penn State runs away with this game, but Indiana plays hard for Lynch. That's good enough for a 35-point deficit, enough to cover. Final Score: Penn State 38, Indiana 3 (Indiana +35.5 vs. PENN STATE).

Remember last week when I told you about Ohio State watching video of Northwestern's 2004 win, inspiring them to a convincing win over the 'Cats to cover the 10.5 points last weekend? Well, the Fighting Waleriuses just might be inspired to the tune of 10 points or more this week after Head Sweater Vest showed his squad video of last season's loss to the Fighting Wickstroms. On the other hand, remember last week when I enlightened you on the Illini's trend of alternating wins and losses? Well, schizophrenia reigned again last week as the Zooksters dropped a 23-17 Motor City Bowl preview to Western Michigan. So, what trend do I go with? This one is easy. When in doubt, never side with a Ron Zook-coached team and never count on a mentally ill team to stick with a trend. Instead, go with a Buckeye squad hitting their stride on both sides of the ball. Final Score: Ohio State 35, Illinois 23 (Ohio State -9.5 over ILLINOIS).

Our next game has trap written all over it. For the underdog Boilers, the quarterback situation is still a mess in the 12th week of the season; the squad is playing for little more than pride and the Tiller Time Farewell Tour; and Purdue is mired in last place with one league win. For the favored Hawkeyes, confidence is high after the big win over the Fighting Keisers; they're on the verge of a top four bowl with two more wins; and it's Senior Day in Iowa City. Here's the problem, 1) Although Purdue has seven losses, only one has been by more than 17 points, 2) Ricky Stanzi is still Ricky Stanzi, 3) an emotional letdown can be expected by the S'felds after last week's big win, and 4) Purdue's defense has been good against traditional offenses. I'm really debating this pick after seeing The Host agreeing with me, but 17.5 points are just too much for Purdue to lose by. Tiller Time loses, but only by 14. Final Score: Iowa 21, Purdue 14 (Purdue +17.5 vs. IOWA).

I think it's time for me to renegotiate my contract with Pick 'Em Corner. The contract I signed a few years back precludes me from ever picking Bucky, even if every fiber of my being is saying, "Pick Bucky." That was the case last week with Wisco vs. IU, but I am contractually obligated to go against the Evil Red Empire. As much as I don't want to this week, I'll stick with this practice even though I'm convinced the Goof Troop is going to get thoroughly embarrassed in Madison. Remember last week when I told you Minnesota was a fraud? Was I right or was I right? Don't get me wrong, I love picking against Bielema's Boys and rooting for their opponent week in and week out is one of the few pure joys in life, but there is no way the Brew Crew stays close in this game. In fact, I'm making this my first-ever Bizarro World Reverse Lock of the Week. Click-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr! Click-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr! Click-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr! I'm going to pick Minnesota to cover the 13.5, but you should not. Final Bizarro Score: Wisconsin 33, Minnesota 20 (Minnesota -13.5 vs. WISCONSIN). Remember, this is my Bizarro pick. If you want to win, do the complete opposite.

Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner Current Standings (week 7)
The Professor – 25-13 (5-1)
KCKCKCK – 23-15 (4-2)
Wick – 18-14 (3-3)
Slietes – 21-17 (4-2)
Coolies – 21-17 (4-2)
Jimbo – 20-18 (4-2)
The Intern – 16-16 (0-0)
Traeny – 16-17 (3-3)
Cornerman – 17-21 (2-4)
Mighty – 18-20 (3-3)
The Host – 14-24 (2-4)
The Veteran – 12-20 (4-2)

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 7 Picks

A tough week for everyone but Slietes and Jimbo last week. Even The Professor suffered his first sub-.500 week. I guess that's what I get for jumping on the Brew Crew bandwagon.

Another tough week of picks in the Big Ten this week as no spread is set at less than a touchdown. Better have some conviction in your handicapping this week.

The Professor stands at 20-12 on the season. Now students, sit down, be quiet and prepare to learn. It's time for The Professor's Smart Money Picks.

A rejuvenated, albeit still banged-up Northwestern squad gets the pleasure of welcoming the surly and well-rested Sweater Vests this week. Bye weeks have meant trouble in the Big Ten this season - the Goof Troop being the exception. Under Coach Sweater Vest, the Bucks are 1-4 after bye weeks, but in those previous post-bye games, the Buckeyes had gone into their off week on the heels of a victory. So what's this mean for OSU and the 10.5 points they need to cover? Well, to find out, I talked with fellow handicapper Steve Geller. Take it away, Coolies. "Let me take you back to 2004 when Glen Mason was doing his best to get us back to Nashville. The 'Cats had just come off a 43-17 loss to the 19th-ranked Gophers, while OSU was 3-0 and coming off a bye. What happened? A 33-27 overtime win for Northwestern. Need I say more?" No, Steve, you don't. I'll take it from here. The Bucks won't be caught sleeping in 2008. They're pissed off, thanks to the Fighting Keisers, and they just got done watching a video clip of NU fans celebrating after that 2004 win. The 'Cats QB situation is still a mess - Kafka's performance was against a Gopher defense playing in its 2007-style - and OSU is looking for a big rebound from their last game. Take the Vests and the points. Final Score: Ohio State 34, Northwestern 17 (Ohio State -10.5 over NORTHWESTERN).

It truly is time for Tiller Time to end. The Boilers inexplicably score 48 points with Justin Siller at the helm and Tiller is still planning on running Curtis Painter out there to take on Sparty? What gives? Why the love affair with the vastly overrated Painter? I just don't get it. So, I asked Tiller himself. In reference to why he might start Painter over Siller, he actually said, "Well, you haven't been on the practice field with us, so you really don't know." Wow, just wow. Are we talking practice field here? (http://awfulannouncing.blogspot.com/2008/11/ai-revists-his-famous-practice-speech.html) Practice field? Tiller has gone off the deep end and it's time to bring in Mustache #2 now. Brian Hoyer is getting going, Javon Ringer is still a stud, it's Senior Day in East Lansing, Purdue only beat Michigan by six points last week (and allowed 42) and Tiller is starting Painter. That adds up to more than 10 points to me. Take Sparty and the points. Final Score: Michigan State 27, Purdue 13 (MICHIGAN STATE -10 over Purdue).

We wrap up the non-conference slate in the Big Ten with a real barn-burner - Illinois vs. Western Michigan in Ford Field...wait, Ford Field? Huh? Is this like a Motor City Bowl Preview or something? Why Ford Field? Color me confused. Anyway, Illinois is the definition of a schizophrenic team. To wit: the Fighting Wickstroms have alternated wins and losses for each of the last six games. In the business, that's called a trend. To take this game's pulse, I spoke with someone who knows schizophrenia quite well, my good friend Tyler Hirsch (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCgqLXc8ZUQ). All I got out of him was something about him being the Messiah or something, so I turned to the numbers. Here we go: Western Michigan beat Northern Illinois who lost to Minnesota who beat Illinois, while Illinois has Ron Zook as a head coach, players breaking each others' jaws and a nasty case of the aforementioned schizophrenia. I'm not sure Illinois will lose this game, but the Broncos' offense keeps this one close. Final Score: Illinois 42, Western Michigan 40 (WESTERN MICHIGAN +7 over Illinois).

Now it's time for my weekly justification of why I'm picking against Bucky. It's an easy one this week: Bret Bielema is (take your pick) immature/insane/arrogant/assholeish/a bad coach/just plain stupid/a perfect fit for the state of Wisconsin. Bielema blew Bucky's chance at a win over Michigan State by being a childish jerk to the sideline officials, resulting in a 15-yard penatly which led to a MSU comeback. He's apologized to everyone, but even his players sound a little miffed at their coach's immaturity. I give you Wisco safety Chris Maragos: "Obviously, he feels horrible about the penalty. But at the same time, we're out on the field. It should never come down to any penalties, whether it's pass interference, coaches or whatever it might be. We need to do our job." Great timing on Bielema's reverting back to 3rd grade, too. The BADgers were just starting to look somewhat respectable again. Wisconsin wins, but they don't cover. Final Score: Wisconsin 23, Indiana 17 (INDIANA +9.5 over Wisconsin).

Time for the Goof Troop in the Jug Game. I'm sorry to say it, but I'm off the bandwagon (until next week). Fans can argue all they want, but Brewster's Boys were exposed for the fraud that they are last week against Northwestern. The offense is anemic. Exhibit A: Weber to Decker can only take you so far. Exhibit B: The running game is as bad as we expected it would be without Duane Bennett. Exhibit C: This ain't a Mason-era offensive line. On the other side of the ball, we've just been plain lucky. Winning the turnover battle is important, but it's not exactly something you can count on being there game in and game out...especially with a sputtering offense. Lucky for the Goof Troop they have Michigan and their case of fumblitis coming into the Dome this week. That being said, as bad as Michigan has been this year, they've got some things going for them in this game. 1) They've never lost in the Dome. 2) Their offense has been decent in recent weeks. And 3) They're still Michigan (though they're masquerading as the 2007 Gophers). Make me regret this pick, Goof Troop. Final Score: Michigan 27, Minnesota 26 (Michigan +8 over MINNESOTA).

I'm getting bored with my own analysis at this point, so I'll go with the tried and true method of picking the opposite of what The Host picked. It's worked before and it'll work again. The Nits win, but don't cover. Final Score: Penn State 27, Iowa 20 (IOWA +7.5 over Penn State).

Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick’em Corner Current Standings (week 6)
The Professor – 20-12 (2-3)
KCKCKCK – 19-13 (2-3)
Wick – 15-11 (1-4)
Slietes – 17-15 (3-2)
Coolies – 17-15 (1-4)
Jimbo – 16-16 (3-2)
The Intern – 16-16 (2-3)
Traeny – 13-14 (1-4)
Cornerman – 15-17 (2-3)
Mighty – 15-17 (1-4)
The Host – 12-20 (1-4)
The Veteran – 8-18 (2-3)

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 6 Picks

Does anyone else find it ironic (or is it tragic?) that the lone Big Ten Pick 'em Corner participant that actually throws real money on these games currently stands wallowing in second-to-last place in the standings? If only The Host would see the light and go with the only handicapper to post a winning record in five consecutive weeks of the Big Ten season.

Class is in session. These are...The Professor's Smart Money Picks:

We start off with the lone non-conference match-up of the weekend with the Central Michigan Hostile and Abuse Nicknames against Indiana. The tendency here is to go with an Indiana team that ruined KCKCKCK's Northwestern Homecoming, but I'm not so sure that's the right thing to do here. To confirm my suspicions, I talked with former CMU quarterback and Survivor: Guatemala contestant Gary Hogeboom. He told me not to sleep on his former squad, citing the Chippewas' four-game win streak after a one-TD loss on the road at Purdue. Despite their win last week, questions abound on the Hossier sideline on who's going to play QB. Ben Chappell was good last week, but Kellen Lewis was good last year. Who do you start? It really doesn't matter because CMU QB Dan LeFevour is better than both of those hacks. Final Score: Central Michigan 28, Indiana 20 (Central Michigan +2.5 over INDIANA).

We already know how The Professor is picking the next game, so why provide the jocular, witty breakdown? Well, because my breakdowns are usually jocular and/or witty. It's a similar story in both Buckyville and Spartyville this week as both squads think they have things back on track after big wins last weekend. The problem is, who did these teams actually beat? Wisco took down a vastly overrated Illinois squad, while MSU dropped the 2007 Golden Gophers (aka 2008 Michigan). What do those wins actually tell us? Absolutely nothing in The Professor's book. So, to gain some perspective on why I'm going to pick against Bielema's Boys this week, I spoke with my good friend Jud Heathcote. Coach Heathcote told me he loves the passion Mark Dantonio brings to the sideline and thinks Bielema is an arrogant a**hole. That's enough reason for me to pick Sparty. Thanks, coach. Final Score: Michigan State 24, Wisconsin 17 (MICHIGAN STATE -4 over Wisconsin).

On to Homecoming at the Metrodome. This has trap game written all over it. The Goof Troop is brimming with overconfidence; they've won three straight; they're at home for Homecoming; and they might be tempted to look ahead to the Little Brown Jug game next week. Northwestern, meanwhile, is reeling from an embarrassing Homecoming loss to Indiana; they'll be without the services of starters CJ Bacher and Tyrell Sutton; and they wear purple. To get a drug-influenced viewpoint, I turned to former Minnesota and Northwestern employee "Pablo" Morales. The Puerto Rican Dream told me the loss of Bacher just might do the Gophers some favors as his replacement, Mike Kafka, is a more athletic quarterback like Juice Williams, Kellen Lewis and Justin Siller. Imagine my surprise when I fact-checked Morales' analysis and found he's actually correct. Why does this matter? Well, the Goof Troop has shown a surprising ability to shut down athletic quarterbacks this season (Terrelle Pryor's performance notwithstanding). Throw on top of that a good crowd, another chance for revenge and a chance to take some real momentum into the rivalry portion of the schedule, and you'll see The Professor still firmly entrenched on the Minny bandwagon. Final Score: Minnesota 21, Northwestern 10 (MINNESOTA -6.5 over Northwestern).

It's time for another of this season's Big Ten stinker games as Purdue hosts Michigan. Anyone outside the Ann Arbor and West Lafayette city limits should be shot for watching this game. Absolutely no one wanted to talk to me about this game, so I'll go with the tried and true method of picking the complete opposite of what The Host picked. Go Tiller Time. Final Score: Purdue 6, Michigan 3 (PURDUE -2 over Michigan).

The oddsmakers are basically giving Illinois the nod over Iowa based solely on home field advantage. What they're apparently not taking into account are several factors that add up to an Iowa win. 1) Ron Zook has never beaten Kirk Ferentz since coming to Illinois, 2) The Fighting Wickstroms looked particularly awful last week at Wisconsin, 3) Illinois is a Zook-coached team, 4) Iowa is well-rested after a bye week which was after two convincing wins, and 5) Iowa beat Wisconsin 38-16 in their last game, while Illinois lost to Wisconsin 27-17 in their last game. Oh, and Illinois is coached by Ron Zook. I talked with Zook to learn more about this game, and he agreed with me. "Never bet with one of my teams. I'm just not a very good football coach." Enough said. Final Score: Iowa 35, Illinois 30 (Iowa +2.5 over ILLINOIS).

Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 5 Picks

The Professor just keeps on winning. Make that four weeks in a row with a winning record. After last week's 4-1 showing (Coolies had the Prof at 3-2, trying to cheat me out of a win), the Professor stands in second place in the Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner Standings behind the dumbfounding spectactular start by Wick.

On to The Professor's Smart Money Picks:

For this game, I didn't talk to anybody but myself. It was time for a little introspection. In two out of the past four weeks, I bucked the trend, went with the Hoosiers...and lost. Imagine my bankroll had I seen the light earlier on the Fightin' Randle-Els. Well, I'm done with IU now, and I'm sure that means they'll turn the ship around. Nevertheless, Northwestern will just be too much to handle for the broken down Hoosiers. There's just too much going against IU to think they'll keep this game close: their 2007 bowl season is looking like a mirage; the inspiration gained from the untimely death of Coach Hoeppner has apparently worn off; Kellen Lewis seems a little fragile when not on drugs; and it's that time of year when everyone in Bloomington starts looking ahead to bouncy ball season (even if that program is a shell of its former self). Final Score: Northwestern 27, Indiana 13 (Northwestern -8 over INDIANA).

Normally, The Professor's long-standing tradition of picking against the Badgers ends up coming back to haunt him. The Professor knows this, but it's too much of a feel-good pick to go against Bucky. This season, it seems I'm getting re-paid for making all those anti-Wisco picks as the Stinkin' Badgers just keep getting worse and worse. Talk about feel-good picks. This week, Bielema's Boys welcome the Fighting Wickstroms. My brain is telling me there's no way Wisconsin falls to 0-5 in the league, but my heart is saying otherwise. To get the inside dish on the Wisco program, I turned to UW AD Barry Alvarez. I was sure he'd stick up for his hand-picked coach and give the squad a vote of confidence as it faces Illinois' high-powered, turnover-prone offense. Barry never returned my calls, however. Apparently, I'm not the only member of the media/handicapping community that can't get Barry to talk (http://www.badgerbeat.com/news/article/id/310581). All the more reason to pick a big Wisconsin loss. Final Score: Illinois 35, Wisconsin 9 (Illinois -2.5 over WISCONSIN).

Much like the Indiana game, it's time for The Professor to reverse his thinking on the Goof Troop this season. I've gone against the Brew Crew in two of their three games and the time I did pick them, they lost at Ohio State. It's time for The Professor as handicapper to hop on the bandwagon with The Professor as fan. Call me naive, but how is this game a pick 'em? Minnesota is 6-1 overall, Purdue is 2-5. Minnesota is 2-1 in the league, Purdue is 0-3. Minnesota is third in scoring offense, Purdue is ninth. Minnesota is fifth in scoring defense, Purdue is ninth. Oh and Minnesota is ranked, Purdue not even close. Does home field advantage make up for all of this? Maybe that's good for a Boiler FG. Or is it the Homecoming factor? Nope - look what happened at the Illinois Homecoming. The bye week? I don't buy that. Goldy's poor past showings in God-forsaken West Lafayette? This is college football - the past means so much less as it's a whole new set of players every year. I know I'll regret it, but The Professor as handicapper is now firmly on the Goof Troop bandwagon...until next week. Final Score: Minnesota 24, Purdue 17 (Minnesota 0 over PURDUE).

Off to the state of Meeeeeeechigan for the battle between Michigan (masquerading as the 2007 Golden Gophers) and Michigan State (freshly embarrassed off their big loss to OSU). I talked to Wolverine DE Brandon Graham and he gave me this little gem: "We're not going to lose to State." Thanks, Brandon. That's all I need to hear. You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeerrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Lead Pipe Lock of the Week. Michigan will get a little bump in their misplaced arrogance this week as they cite their six straight wins over State, but Mark Dantonio has had this one circled on his calendar for a long time now. It seems silly, but I'm thinking Sparty was looking past Ohio State last week to this week's tilt vs. Rich Rod. MSU comes out fired up and jumps all over Graham and his Winged Helmet bretheren en route to a rout. Final Score: Michigan State 42, Michigan 13. (Michigan State -3.5 over MICHIGAN).

Time for the week's marquee game in Penn State at Ohio State. As a member of the Big Ten, the Nits have never won at the Horseshoe. Ohio State is also 6-4 against the spread over this same period of time. But I talked to ESPN Gameday analyst Lee Corso this week and he told me, "Uh-uh. Not so fast, my friends. The Buckeyes are 1-7 against the spread in their last eight games following a win of more than 20 points and 0-5 against the spread in their last five home games vs. a team with a winning road record. Gimme that Nittany Lion head!" I've got a soft spot for anybody who loves mascots as much as I do, so I'm taking Corso's word and running to the bank with it. Penn State is just too balanced a team to lose this game. They may have been caught looking ahead to this game in the first half of last week's tilt against Michigan, but they won't be caught sleepwalking this week. This contest pretty much decides the Big Ten title. Ohio State will put up a heck of a fight and this will be a close one, but in the end Terrelle Pryor is a freshman and Beanie Wells won't be able to make up for the young QB's mental mistakes. The road teams are going to go a perfect 5-0 this week in the Big Ten. Final Score: Penn State 24, Ohio State 21 (Penn State -2.5 over OHIO STATE).

Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 4 Picks

In true The Professor form, it's time for a little breakdown of the performances on Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner through three weeks:

- Wickstrom is off to a great start, but The Professor chalks that up to sheer luck and a handy dartboard.

- The Host talks a good game and provides you with a fake call-in number, but only once has he finished above .500 with his picks.

- KCKCKCK has put forth a noble effort thus far, but does he really have you, the bettor, in mind when he makes his picks? Methinks not. He's still trying to make money to pay for the Kyle Coughlin Fence of Rememberance.

- Coolies, Cornerman, The Intern and Mighty each have one-win weeks under their belts. Enough said.

- The Veteran is 4-7. Jimbo is 7-10. Looks like someone has been picking Bucky too much.

- Only one Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner participant has posted an above .500 record in all three weeks this season. This same handicapper has the most wins and fewest losses of those who have picked all three weeks. That's right...it's THE PROFESSOR.

On to The Professor's Smart Money Picks.

We start out with a tough game to handicap in Tiller Time vs. the Mildcats. Was Northwestern exposed as a fraud last week vs. Sparty? Is Purdue's defense as good as it seemed in keeping Ohio State's offense out of the end zone? Will KCKCKCK's love affair with the 'Cats continue? To answer these questions, I turned to former Wildcat and current awful Fox 9 football analyst Irv Cross. He told me last week was an aberration for Northwestern and Purdue's offense is so godawful, the 'Cats can't help but pull out a Homecoming victory. Who am I to argue with Irv Cross? Final Score: Northwestern 28, Purdue 23 (NORTHWESTERN -4 over Purdue)

Off to a game where The Professor is having a hard time choosing who he will cheer against. It's Bucky vs. Herky. Wisconsin is off to a horrible start, while Iowa looked to regain a bit of its swagger last week against Indiana. Easy pickings, right? I mean, Bucky is in a tailspin and Herky is rising. To get a different perspective, I turned to college football expert Flavor Flav. That's right, Flavorrrrrrr Flaaaaavvvvvv! Yeaahhhh, boyyyyy! He had this to say, "Dont...don't....don't...don't...don't....don't believe the hype....Don't...don't....don't believe the hype." I took that to mean that Wisco isn't nearly as bad as their 0-3 Big Ten record and Idiots Out Walking Around isn't nearly as good as their 45-9 win over Indiana. I believe Flavor Flav and really want to pick Bielema's Boys, but The Professor wouldn't be holding true to his self if he took Bucky. This one will probably come back to bite me, but picking against the Stinkin' Badgers is always the right thing to do. Final Score: Iowa 24, Wisconsin 17 (IOWA -3.5 over Wisconsin)

It's Beanie Wells vs. Javon Ringer. Terrelle Pryor vs. Brian Hoyer (I have 'em both. Who do I start?). The Dead Schembechlers vs. Hondo's House. Because The Host took a page out of my book, I'll return the favor and give you this little nugget: Ohio State is 8-2 against the spread in its last 10 road games as a road favorite, while Michigan State has won only three of its last 13 games as an underdog. Take the Sweater Vests and the points. Final Score: Ohio State 23, Michigan State 19 (Ohio State -3 over MICHIGAN STATE)

You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeerrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Lead Pipe Lock of the Week. Penn State feels pretty good about themselves after the beatdown in Madison, while Michigan seems as soft as Rich Rod says they are after losing at home to Toledo. All signs point to more of the same this week, but to make sure, I talked to misguided Badger devotee Kevin Noth. Why him, you ask? Well, he knows the Nits and the Winged Helmets all to well after his squad laid an egg in contests against both of these programs. He told me that the Michigan loss was inexcusable as the Wolverines are flat-out terrible, but the Fighting Keisers are the real deal. He doesn't buy the line that Michigan will bounce back from its Toledo loss, nor the look-ahead factor for PSU with the Buckeyes a week away. Neither does The Professor. Take the Nits and the points. Final Score: Penn State 48, Michigan 10 (PENN STATE -23 over Michigan)

I know what you're saying. "C'mon Professor, you're all talk and all chalk." You may be right, but you can't argue with an 11-6 record, now can you? In an effort to prove that The Professor isn't all about picking the favorites, I give you the Lynch Mob vs. the Fighting Wickstroms. I didn't talk to anybody for this game because I'll forget about it the second I make this pick. Sorry, The Professor is mailing it in and heading off to vacation this MEA weekend. Illinois wins, but not by enough to cover. Final Score: Illinois 28, Indiana 14. (Indiana +15 vs. ILLINOIS)

Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 3 Picks

You could call 1-800-SUG-WINS for The Host's Big Ten picks and throw away your hard-earned money. Keep in mind The Host owns a dreadful 5-6 pick record this fall.

You could go with The Intern's picks, but you need to remember he's a devotee of Minny wideout Ralph Spry.

You could go with KCKCKCK' picks, brought to you by Jimmy John's, but any picks sponsored by a second-rate sandwich shop are doomed to lose you money.

Or you could go with The Professor, a great Big Ten football mind who uses both a multi-factored analytic scientific process to break down the match-ups, as well as coversations with countless plugged-in individuals around the conference. Any rational person will tell you to go with...The Professor's Smart Money Picks.

We start off with this week's Toilet Bowl game with Iowa at Indiana. Anyone who has followed The Professor's picks knows he's got a few go-to guys at both Iowa and Indiana. To get a little insight into the Hawkeyes, I called the doctor, Dr. Tom Davis. To learn a little more about the Hoosiers, I called Bill Mallory. The Good Doctor told me to f*** off, so I went with Mallory and his sub-.500 record as IU's winningest football coach. He told me that his former club absolutely sucks and who am I to argue with that analysis. Iowa, on the other hand, sucks too. But they suck less as evidenced by their losing the last three games by a combined nine points. Kirk Ferentz is sick and tired of his thugs and rapists not performing as well on the field as they have off of it. Take Iowa. Hawkeyes 24, Hoosiers 17.

I'm smelling a pattern with Dick Rod's Wolverines this season. First, they look awful against Utah. Then mediocre against Miami of Ohio. They follow that up by looking awful against Notre Dame. Then look awesome against Wisconsin. Next they're awful against Illinois. So, this week the Wolverines are on the "up" part of their rollercoaster season and they get to waste it by hosting a 1-4 Toledo team. Toledo may be just as confusing as Michigan though. They lose big at Arizona, then win big at Eastern Michigan. They follow that up with a one-point 2OT loss to Fresno State. Then they go in the tank with big losses to Florida Int'l and Ball State. So, will which Rockets team will we see? To find out, I talked to U of M men's hockey stats coordinator Scott O'Neil. Why him, you ask? Well, he bears a striking resemblance to Toledo head coach Tom Amstutz, that's why. He told me not to sleep on the Rockets, but nobody has a higher opinion of his own opinion that Scott O'Neil. For that reason, I'm picking Michigan to romp on the nation's 110th-ranked scoring defense. Michigan 37, Toledo 10.

It's Tim Brewster homecoming week in Illinois and he wants nothing more than a win over his alma mater. Expect phrases like "we're going to choke their asses out" and "we're going to play a pretty darn good impressive game" as Timmy tries to rally the Goof Troop to pull off the upset. Oh, and lots of "very, very" phrases, too. Problem is, none of that will help. To confirm my suspiscions, I talked to Ron Zook. That's right; no obscure Illini reference here; just Ron Zook. Instead of giving me breakdown on this game, he sent me a photo of how he's been spending his time preparing for this game (above). I'll give you a second to check it out...........That's right!!! The Zooker is so confident in his Illini this week vs. the Goof Troop, he's gone waterskiiing. Enough said. Illinois 44, Minnesota 17.

Ok, let's face it. Purdue is not a good football team and Ohio State is a good football team, but 19 points better? Purdue's pedestrian defense stayed within 14 of a Penn State team that features a better attack than the Sweater Vests. I talked to Ohio State insider Courtney Walerius this week to get some juicy details on some of her favorite Buckeyes. Her insight told me 19 points are too much. For example, she's been hanging out in the football training room lately and has noticed that Beanie Wells is still hampered by that foot injury. She also mentioned that Dane Sanzenbacher looks great in football pants, but I'm not sure that helps me make my pick. To make a long story short, Purdue loses big, but not 19 points big. Ohio State 31, Purdue 17.

You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeerrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Lead Pipe Lock of the Week. Northwestern has been a feel-good, surprising story in the Big Ten this year with their 5-0 record, but they've had more cupcakes this season than Tom Amstutz. Michigan State a one-point favorite to the Mildcats? Who's setting this line? KCKCKCK, is that you? To make sure I'm not going crazy, I talked to wacky former MSU coach John L. Smith. He had this to say, "Yeah, I'm very upset with that line! That's a damn mistake! The kids are playing their tails off and the sports books are screwin' it up!" John L. then slapped himself in the face. Love the passion there, John L. Take Sparty and the points. Michigan State 21, Northwestern 14.

Finally, it's Popcorn Paterno vs. Bulimia. It's Nittany Lion vs. Bucky. It's Keiser vs. Noth. In a fight, I'd take Bielema, Bucky and Noth. But this is Big Ten football where drunk, horny band members and old men who can't admit that the game has passed them by rules. The marquee matchup of the week, you've got a desperate 0-2 Wisconsin team playing without a band at home and an undefeated Penn State squad looking to make a statement to the nation that they're a team to be reckoned with. I talked to a couple of fans who are making the trip to Madison for the game for a little analysis. On the PSU side, I spoke to Mrs. The Cornerman. She was frothing at the mouth in excited anticipation for the game, but she did manage to point out the Nits' two-game win streak over Bucky and the thorough thrashing Happy Valley put down on Wisky last year. For the flip side, I spoke with Cam Noth. After picking his nose, he told me he's scared of lions. Great analysis, you two. Although I'm tempted to say Wisconsin is desperate enough stay within 5.5 points in this one, anyone who as followed The Professor's picks knows I never pick the Stinkin' Badgers and I also always pick service academies. (Go Army! Beat Navy!). That's not going to change here. Take Penn State and the points even though I've never like The Cornerman as a Penn Stater. Penn State 27, Wisconsin 20.

Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 1 Picks

After some high-level research and conversations with the who's whos of Big Ten football, may I present to you The Professor's Picks of the Week:

I talked to former Gopher coach/current Big Ten Network Analyst Glen Mason this week in preparation for my pick of the Ohio State vs. Minnesota game. He wouldn't give me a pick for the game (said something like, "I'm a professional. I have to be objective."), but he did refer me to a dentist with great veneers and a newer, bigger rack, and to some hot stock tips coutesy of Marquette Assets. Getting no help from Mase, I turned to my good friend Ken-Yon Rambo. He gave me plenty of nuggets, including the scoop on Beanie Wells' toe (it's been stapled together a la Curt Schilling's ankle), Tressel's sweater vest (he gets cold easily) and the complete and total ineffectiveness of Brian Robiskie (apparently he was seeing a woman who works in the OSU sports info office in the offseason, but she dumped him when she got engaged, so he's been down in the dumps). None of this adds up to a Minnesota win, but it does give the Goof Troop a chance of staying within 19 points. Final Score: Ohio State 34, Minnesota 24.

Next we have Wisconsin vs. Michigan. Otherwise known as Bret Bulimia vs. Dick Rod. If anyone has been following The Professor's picks in the past few years, you know I never pick the Stinkin' Badgers (I also always pick service academies. Go Army! Beat Navy!). That's not going to change here and the bye week does wonders for Dick Rod's spread offense. I talked to Lloyd Carr this week, but he didn't say anything. So I talked to Kevin Noth instead. Although he's probably going to pick a convincing Badger win, he seemed concerned about the health of his squad. Noth told me that Beckum, Clay, Casillas and several guys with Polish last names are still a little banged up. That's enough for me to go with the Wolverines. Badgers still win, but it's a field goal in the waning moments that does it. Final Score: Wisky 17, Meeeechigan 14.

15.5 points is an awful lot for Penn State to cover against the Fighting Wickstroms, but one look at Illinois' defense so far says JoePa just might have enough thugs (Scirotto, Hayes, King) and potheads (Wallace, Quarless, Evans, Koroma) to score a lot and stop the Illini. I talked to former PSU running back/alleged rapist Austin Scott this week and he talked about the Nits' new culture of "do whatever the f*** you want as long as you win." That's enough for me to take the Fighting Keisers over the Fighting Wickstroms. Final Score: Penn State 42, Illinois 21.

I talked to Antwann Randle El this week. He also saw the Ball State-Indiana game. He likes Michigan State. Final Score: Michigan State 28, Indiana, 17.

Here that sound? Eeeeeeeerrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's The Professor's Lead Pipe Lock of the Week. This is also the Snuggle Feel-Good Pick of the Week. One and a half points for the Irish? Who set this line. The Pope? Although Purdue's defense has looked pedestiran so far this season, Tiller Time's offense is plenty explosive enough to pile on the points against the Hobblin' Charlie Weises. I talked to former Purdue defensive coach Moe Ankney this week and all he wanted to know was if they were in "Cobra" or not. He also couldn't find Losli. That was enough for me to pick Purdue to win big on the road. Final Score: Purdue 36, Notre Dame 23.

I'm not sure what KCKCKCK is talking about with the Northwestern-Iowa game. I talked to nobody about this game because I, like a large portion of our viewing audience, don't care about the Wildcat-Hawkeye tilt. But I guess The Professor still has to make a pick. And what professor would I be if I didn't pick the smart kids to cover (and win!) against the Fighting S'felds. Final Score: Northwestern 24, Iowa 23.

Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Report: Mr. Heavyfoot a Blog of Satire, Not an Actual Source of Facts

Google-owned blog company Blogger of San Francisco issued a report today stating that the blog Mr. Heavyfoot (http://mrheavyfoot.blogspot.com/) is a site consisting primarily of satire, not a site that bothers itself with facts, accurate quotes or any other pillars of good journalism. Blogger released the report after several confused organizations used Mr. Heavyfoot as a source for background checks for various members of the Heavyfoot community.

"Apparently, there's some misconceptions about the definition of satire," Mr. Heavyfoot said. "This blog is all about irony, sarcasm, ridicule and caustic wit, not facts. I'm guessing the same people who use us as a source for legitimate information think The Onion is actually a newspaper filled with factual reporting."

As a disclaimer to visitors to Mr. Heavyfoot, the blog uses the sub-headline "All the fake news that really isn't all that fit to print," informing the misinformed web-surfer that Mr. Heavyfoot is nothing but a forum for the ramblings of a blogger with way too much time on his hands and a good imagination.

"From time to time, we'll post actual facts, but by no means is that a common occurrence," Mr. Heavyfoot said. "About the only time you'll read the truth on this site is when we post the score of Boom Goes the Dynamite softball games. By the way, if anybody reading this blog wants to hire me to write fake press releases, fake news stories or other pieces of satire, let me know. Please realize, however, that we here at Mr. Heavyfoot don't let the facts get in the way of a good story."

The Boom Box Score - Green Giants 8, Boom Goes the Dynamite 7

Boom Goes the Dynamite (7-4) failed to put a dent in the Green Giants' bid for a perfect season, falling 8-7 to the league leaders last night in St. Louis Park Mixed C action at Aquila Park.

Trailing 8-4 in the bottom of the sixth inning, Boom rallied with three runs on a bases clearing double by Meghan Potter to cut the Green Giants' lead to one. After holding the Giants (11-0) scoreless in the top of the seventh, Boom loaded the bases with two outs in the bottom half of the inning on a single by Casey Kurtt and walks by Jim Strick and Alyssa Downing. Boom's then-leading hitter Matt Slieter had a chance to play the hero, but he hit a bad pitch that went to the Giants' second baseman who fired to first for the final out.

The loss, coupled with HGH's 15-3 win over The Chiefs last night, pushes Boom into a tie for third place with Skeet Skeet, entering the final week of the season. Boom faces HGH (8-3) next week, while Skeet Skeet takes on the Green Giants.

Game notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com; standings are available here):
* Duffy's Pizza Three Stars of the Game: 1. Ryan Maus, 2. Jeff Keiser, 3. Jim Strick.
* Nick Joos/CoSIDA Goat of the Game: Matt Slieter.
* As a team, Boom hit a very pedestrian .400.
* Boom's seven guys went a combined 10-for-17 (.588) with three RBI, one walk, two doubles and a triple while Boom's six ladies went 4-for-16 (.250) with four RBI, one walk and one double.
* Boom's top of the order (spots 1-5) hit 8-for-14 (.571) with six RBI, three doubles and a triple, while the bottom of the order (spots 6-13) hit 6-for-19 (.316) with one RBI.
* Out of Boom's 14 hits, 10 were singles.
* Matt Slieter suffered his first loss as an active player. Boom is now 6-1 with Matt Slieter in the lineup (1-3 without).
* Production: Meghan Potter is averaging .714 RBI per at bat. The next best ratio is Cathy Behr at .621. No male player has better than a .481 ratio (Strick).
* Boom is 7-1 with Kieran Kurtt in attendance and 0-3 without the 8-month year old in the stands.
* Kevin Kurtt became the first Boom player with 10 doubles on the season. He had his fourth straight game with a double.
* Only Kevin Kurtt, Jeff Keiser, Kevin Noth and Steve Geller have played in all 11 games this season.
* RBI Totals (Female - 70, Male - 82)
* Run Totals (Female - 49, Male - 103)
* Kevin Kurtt has scored in all 11 games this season. He leads the team with 21 runs scored.
* Kurtt is the lone Boom player with multi-hit games in all 11 contests this season.
* With his 1-for-3 outing, Matt Slieter had his first game without multiple hits. He also failed to score a run for the first time this season.
* Jim Strick has two or more hits in all nine of his games played this season.
* Ryan Maus had his third straight two-hit, one-run game.
* Jeff Keiser had his first multi-RBI game since notching five on May 20 vs. Absolute Bail Bonds.
* Keiser hit his second triple of the season.
* Keiser now has recorded multiple hits in all but one game (June 24 vs. Myslajek Ltd, 1-for-2).
* Keiser had fans in the stands for the first time in his career as wife Leah and sister-in-law Sara made the game's attendance stand at two.
* Cathy Behr suffered her first hitless game of the season. She did, however, notched her ninth consecutive game with an RBI.
* Meghan Potter struck out twice last night, tying Casey Kurtt for the team lead (2).
* Potter has had multi-RBI games eight times this season, including last night's three RBI effort. She has had three or more RBI in five games this year.
* Potter failed to score a run for only the second time this season.
* Kevin Noth had his second hitless game of the season.
* Alyssa Downing drew her fourth walk of the season, tying her for the team lead with Casey Kurtt.
* Steve Geller failed to record a multi-base hit for the first time since May 27 vs. Skeet Skeet.
* Geller has scored in three consecutive games.
* Boom has drawn 16 walks this season, while Boom's opponents have reached base on balls 28 times.
* Kevin Kurtt now leads the team in runs, hits, singles, doubles and sacrifice flies.
* Keiser's strikeout-to-walk ratio stands at 1:1.714, while Steve Geller's is at 1:4.
* Jim Strick and Jeff Keiser are Boom's male leaders in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (batting, minimum 33.3 percent of games played). Strick ranks first in RBI (13), and third in home runs (0) and batting average (.741), while Keiser ranks first in home runs (2) and RBI (13), and fourth in batting average (.667)
* Meghan Potter and Cathy Behr are Boom's female leaders in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (batting, minimum 33.3 percent of games played). Potter ranks first in RBI (25) and home runs (0), and second in batting average (.629). Behr ranks first in home runs (0) and batting average (.655), and second in RBI (18).
* Jeff Keiser is Boom's leader in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (pitching), Keiser first in wins (5), ERA (6.25) and strikeouts (7). In second place, Steve Geller ranks second in wins (2), ERA (8.76) and strikeouts (4),
* Boom has not hit a home run since Jeff Keiser had two round-trippers in the 21-20 win over Absolute Bail Bonds on May 20.
* Boom's average margin of victory is 4.86 runs this season.
* Boom's average margin of loss is 2.25 runs this season.
* Boom averages 14 runs per game and allows an average of 11.7 runs per game.
* Boom is now 2-2 in one-run games this season.

The Boom Box Score - Boom Goes the Dynamite 17, Jobdig 5

Boom Goes the Dynamite (7-3) got back in the winning column with a convincing 17-5 win over Jobdig (0-10) on Tuesday night to hang on to second place in the St. Louis Park Mixed C standings. Boom out-hit winless Jobdig 24-11, and had a team batting average of .706 (24-for-34). Tied with HGH for second place, Boom remains three games back of the 10-0 Green Giants in the standings.

Against Jobdig, Boom Goes the Dynamite built a 10-0 lead after two innings to cruise to the five-inning victory. Pitcher/General Manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.) returned to the mound with three scoreless innings to improve to 5-0 on the season. Keiser walked two, struck out two and allowed one home run.

Boom's offense was led by outfielder Meghan Potter's season-high five RBI. The Hibbing, Minn., native went 2-for-2 with two doubles and a sacrifice fly. Ten Boom players recorded multi-hit games, while only two went hitless (Casey Kurtt, Andrea Smith).

Boom Goes the Dynamite takes on the league-leading Green Giants on Tuesday, July 15 at 9:15 p.m., at Aquila Park Field #2. Boom then will take part in the St. Louis Park Softball Playoffs on Friday-Sunday, July 18-20. Details on Boom's postseason have not yet been made available by League Commissioner Sam Lombardo.

Game notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com; standings are available here):
* Duffy's Pizza Three Stars of the Game: 1. Meghan Potter, 2. Ryan Maus, 3. Andrea Smith.
* Nick Joos/CoSIDA Goat of the Game: None.
* Boom's six guys went a combined 16-for-18 (.889) with nine RBI, three doubles and a triple while Boom's six ladies went 8-for-16 (.500) with eight RBI, two walks and three doubles.
* Out of Boom's 24 hits, seven went for extra bases.
* Steve Geller has eight consecutive hits. Geller is hitting .818 over his last four games.
* Boom is 6-0 with Matt Slieter as an active player (1-3 without).
* Production: Meghan Potter is averaging .688 RBI per at bat. The next best ratio is Cathy Behr at .653. No male player has better than a .529 ratio (Slieter).
* Boom is 7-1 with Kieran Kurtt in attendance and 0-2 without the 8-month year old in the stands.
* Kevin Kurtt recorded his first game-winning RBI of the season with a sacrifice fly in the second.
* Potter tied Boom's season-high with five RBI, tying Jeff Keiser's five on May 20.
* Kevin Kurtt became the first Boom player with 10 extra base hits on the season. He had his third straight game with a double.
* Only Kevin Kurtt, Jeff Keiser, Kevin Noth and Steve Geller have played in all 10 games this season.
* RBI Totals (Female - 66, Male - 79)
* Run Totals (Female - 47, Male - 98)
* Kevin Kurtt has scored in all 10 games this season. He leads the team with 19 runs scored.
* Kurtt is the lone Boom player with multi-hit games in all 10 contests this season.
* Kurtt has recorded an RBI in five straight games.
* Casey Kurtt went hitless for the first time since June 17, but walked twice and scored twice.
* Jeff Keiser failed to record an RBI for the second consecutive game.
* Keiser notched his first three-hit game since May 27.
* Keiser hit a season-high two doubles.
* Meghan Potter had her first two-double game since May 27.
* Potter had had multi-RBI games seven times this season. She recorded her first sacrifice fly of the year on Tuesday.
* Jim Strick has two or more hits in all eight of his games played this season. However, he failed to record an RBI for the second straight game.
* Cathy Behr notched her eighth consecutive game with an RBI. She now has six multi-RBI games this season.
* Behr recorded her third game with three or more hits.
* Steve Geller has now notched five straight multi-hit games.
* Geller had his second straight game with a triple.
* Boom has drawn 14 walks this season, while Boom's opponents have reached base on balls 28 times.
* Matt Slieter has two or more hits in all six of his games played this season.
* Kevin Noth had his first three-hit game of the season with three singles. It was his first multi-RBI game since May 27.
* Ryan Maus had his second straight two-hit, two-RBI game.
* Kevin Kurtt now leads the team in runs, hits, singles, doubles and sacrifice flies.
* Keiser's strikeout-to-walk ratio stands at 1:2, while Steve Geller's is at 1:4.
* Jim Strick and Jeff Keiser are Boom's male leaders in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (batting, minimum 33.3 percent of games played). Strick ranks second in RBI (13), and third in home runs (0) and batting average (.720), while Keiser ranks first in home runs (2), third in RBI (11), and fourth in batting average (.667)
* Meghan Potter and Cathy Behr are Boom's female leaders in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (batting, minimum 33.3 percent of games played). Potter ranks first in RBI (22) and home runs (0), and second in batting average (.656). Behr ranks first in home runs (0) and batting average (.731), and second in RBI (17).
* Jeff Keiser is Boom's leader in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (pitching), Keiser first in wins (5), ERA (6.40) and strikeouts (6). In second place, Steve Geller ranks second in wins (2), ERA (8.76) and strikeouts (4),
* Boom has not hit a home run since Jeff Keiser had two round-trippers in the 21-20 win over Absolute Bail Bonds on May 20.
* Boom's average margin of victory is 4.86 runs this season.
* Boom averages 14.7 runs per game and allows an average of 12.1 runs per game.

The Boom Box Score - The Chiefs 16, Boom Goes the Dynamite 14

Boom Goes the Dynamite (6-3) lost 16-14 to the 3-6 Chiefs, and that's all we're going to say.

Game notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com; standings are available here):
* Duffy's Pizza Three Stars of the Game: 1. Alyssa Downing, 2. Steve Geller, 3. [redacted].
* Nick Joos/CoSIDA Goat of the Game: Emily Wood.
* Geller made his first start at pitcher since May 27, picking up the loss to move to fall to 2-3. He walked four and did not record a strikeout.
* Boom's six guys went a combined 13-for-18 (.722) with seven RBI, three doubles and a triple while Boom's six ladies went 8-for-17 (.471) with seven RBI, one walk, one double and one triple.
* Out of Boom's 21 hits, 15 were singles.
* Alyssa Downing had her fourth 3-for-3 game of the season, hitting a single, double and a triple with 2 RBI.
* Downing reached base for the ninth consecutive game.
* Boom lost its first game with Kieran Kurtt in attendance. Boom is now 6-1 with Little KK present and 0-2 without the 8-month year old in the stands.
* Kevin Kurtt has scored in all nine games this season. He leads the team with 18 runs scored.
* Kurtt is the lone Boom player with multi-hit games in all nine contests this season.
* Alyssa Downing became first Boom player to be named first star of the game twice this season.
* Lisa Hardy had her second hitless game of the season.
* Jeff Keiser failed to record an RBI for the first time since the fourth game of the season.
* Cathy Behr notched her seventh consecutive game with an RBI. She now has five multi-RBI games this season.
* Jim Strick has two or more hits in all seven of his games played this season. However, he failed to record an RBI for the first time this season.
* Andrea Smith had her second consecutive multi-RBI game.
* Fleet-of-foot Kevin Noth hit only his third double of the season.
* Steve Geller had his second three-hit game of the season. He has now notched four straight multi-hit games.
* Geller had a season-high 3 RBI and hit his first triple of the season.
* Boom has drawn 12 walks this season, while Boom's opponents have reached base on balls 26 times.
* Keiser's strikeout-to-walk ratio stands at 1:2.5, while Steve Geller's is at 1:4.
* Jim Strick and Jeff Keiser are Boom's male leaders in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (batting, minimum 33.3 percent of games played). Strick ranks first in RBI (12), and third in home runs (0) and batting average (.727), while Keiser ranks first in home runs (2), second in RBI (11), and fourth in batting average (.633)
* Meghan Potter and Cathy Behr are Boom's female leaders in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (batting, minimum 33.3 percent of games played). Potter ranks first in RBI (17) and home runs (0), and third in batting average (.633). Behr ranks first in home runs (0) and batting average (.696), and second in RBI (15).
* Jeff Keiser is Boom's leader in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (pitching), Keiser first in wins (4), ERA (7.00) and strikeouts (4). In second place, Steve Geller ranks first in strikeouts (4), and second in wins (2) and ERA (8.76).
* Boom has not hit a home run since Jeff Keiser had two round-trippers in the 21-20 win over Absolute Bail Bonds on May 20.
* Boom's average margin of victory is 3.67 runs this season.
* Boom averages 14.4 runs per game and allows an average of 12.8 runs per game.