Warning Track Power Era Begins with 25-6 Rout of Colgate

Behind the strength of an impressive .738 team batting average and a solid season-opening outing by savvy hurler Jim Strick (Combined Locks, Wis.), Warning Track Power cruised to a resounding 25-6 rout of Colgate in its inaugural game last night. Colgate, a team made up of a combination of furniture assemblymen, spa receptionists and toothpaste salespeople, was playing in its first game in the St. Louis Park Mixed C League.

Box score above. For Warning Track Power stats, go to slowpitchstats.com.

Game Notes
* Warning Track Power went 31-for-42 (.738) on the night.
* Four WTPers had perfect nights from the plate - Matt Slieter (4-4), Jim Strick (4-4), Kevin Noth (3-3) and Michelle Train (2-2).
* All but one batter (Casey Kurtt) recorded multi-hit games.
* Matt Slieter notched a career-best and franchise record-tying 5 RBI.
* With the fill-in performance of catcher/manager Michelle Traen, WTP management is considering cutting the absent Lisa Hardy or Amanda Hoehn in favor of locking up Traen for the season.
* Aging slugger Steve Geller was also absent.
* Train filled the shoes of Hardy quite nicely, drawing two walks.
* Shortstop/owner/president Kevin Kurtt opened the season with a triple, sliding head-first to narrowly beat the tag. Kurtt's slide was the team's only of the game.
* Eight players had multi-RBI games - Slieter (5), Strick (4), Alyssa Downing and Noth (3), Cathy Behr, Jeff Keiser, Katie Fornasiere and Train (2).
* Katie Fornasiere and Kevin Kurtt combined for the rare 4-6 fly ball putout in the first inning. Fornasiere camped under a shallow fly ball and did her best volleyball setter imitation as the ball bounced out of her glove and into the waiting hands of Kurtt. The moment will now be recognized as a contended for the Kodak Moment of the Year and/or the Steak Knife Blooper of the Year.
* Also up for Blooper of the Year was Noth's drastic misjudging of a long fly ball in the third inning.
* Slieter now is either tied or in the team lead in seven offensive categories - batting average (1.000), hits (4), doubles (2), RBI (5), slugging percentage (1.500), on-base percentage (1.000) and on-base plus slugging (2.500).
* 24 of WTP's 31 hits were singles.
* Kurtt and Keiser led the team with four runs scored.
* Kurtt and Keiser were the first two roster members present at Dakota Park for the 14th time in the last 16 contests.

* Train was named the misterheavyfoot.blogspot.com Player of the Game. Second star: Matt Slieter. Third star: Strick.
* Casey Kurtt was named the Nick Joos/CoSIDA Goat of the Game.
* Kevin Kurtt opening the game by turning a stand-up double into a head-first slide triple, thereby setting the tone for the game, was nominated for the Pontiac Game Changing Performance of the Year.
* Fans in attendance: Beth Kurtt, Jim Kurtt, Kieran Kurtt, Laura Kurtt, Cameron Noth, Lori Noth, Noth's Mom, Emily Slieter, Kelly Slieter.

Your 2009 Warning Track Power Preseason Roster

It's softball season and what better place than the new and improved Mister Heavyfoot for satirical game stories and fake press releases from everybody's favorite slowpitch softball team, Warning Track Power (nee Boom Goes the Dynamite). Things have mightily changed since we last heard from the storied franchise, namely the team's controversial decision to change its name from the iconic Boom Goes the Dynamite to the more aptly-titled Warning Track Power. WTP opens its 2009 campaign tomorrow in its second season in the St. Louis Park Mixed C Softball League. WTP's first opponent is Colgate. First pitch is at 6 p.m., at Dakota Park East.

So, without further ado, may we present to you the 2009 edition of Warning Track Power (subject to change):

Cathy Behr (UT) - A last minute signing to start the 2008 season who performed excellently all season; displays a courage and love of the game unrivaled in franchise history; able to play several positions, though she'd prefer to avoid shortstop so she can keep her manicured fingernails; one of the team's true powerhitters; winner of the following 2008 awards: Fox 9 Courage and Love of the Game (co-winner), Emily Wickstrom Grit/Determination Award, Tony's Diner Comeback Player of the Year, Gold Glove
Alyssa Downing (UT) - WTP's tannest player and a co-winner of the 2008 Duffy's Pizza Unsung Hero Award; quietly one of the team's most consistent on-base threats; sneaky fast baserunner who is always looking for extra bases
Steve Geller (P/OF/SS/3B) - will undoubtedly be swinging for the fences at every at-bat, especially with the addition of new Combat bats; looking to boucne back from a subpar 2008 season at the plate; winner of the following 2008 awards: Unsung Hero (co-winner), Fox 9 Courage and Love of the Game (co-winner), PPI Sports Most Aggressive Baserunner/Hustler Award, Gold Glove, Marvin Geller Lifetime Achievement Award (co-winner)
Lisa Hardy (1B) - opened the Lisa Hardy Speed Camp over the offseason; still one of WTP's slowest players, though she looks like she can run; will be splitting time between WTP and the Wayzata HS fastpitch team as an assistant coach; loss of Andrea Smith may be hardest on Hardy; is anticipating a poor hitting season as "the new bats are too heavy"
Amanda Hoehn (UT) - Lone offseason acquisition; a longtime slowpitch veteran who will bring some needed moxie to the WTP roster; has a great relationship with St. Louis Park Softball League umpires; is looking to exact a measure of revenge on her 2008 squad; appears on the preseason watch list for the Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Award
Jeff Keiser (P/OF/3B) - team general manager responsible for some of the best (Tyler Thomson) and worst (Chris Cords) signings in franchise history; winner of the following 2008 awards: Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP (co-winner), Gold Glove, Gregg Shimanski Executive of the Year (co-winner), Marvin Geller Lifetime Achievement Award (co-winner); contemplated sitting out the year with continued elbow soreness; enters season as one of WTP's few power threats; manager Michelle Train still can't figure out where he fits best in the field
Casey Kurtt (C/2B/OF) - co-owner of WTP with husband Kevin Kurtt; team's shortest player who looks to rebound from a subpar 2008 campaign at the plate; will run out any and all batted balls; tends to stop ground balls with her shins; also plays kickball during the season with the Kit Shickers; 2008 co-winner of the Duffy's Pizza Unsung Hero Award
Kevin Kurtt (SS/UT) - team president; co-owner of WTP with wife Casey Kurtt; packed on some ample winter weight in the offseason to bolster his inconsistent power hitting; will battle to keep his starting position at SS; enters season with continued pain in his throwing shoulder due to a torn labrum; had a solid 2008 season at the plate, but saw a significant dip in power hitting; winner of the following 2008 awards: Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP (co-winner), Victory Sports Silver Stick Award; Garry Bowman Leadership Award (co-winner), Gold Glove
Ryan Maus (OF) - deceptively slow outfielder who improved as the 2008 season wore on; now gainfully employed, he has no excuse for not producing this season; one of two lefthanded bats in the WTP lineup; smiles a lot; is way too into Twitter; veteran bullpen catcher; boasts an impressive fan club in Northfield, Minn; winner of the 2008 Potbelly Sandwich Works Most Improved Player Award and co-winner of the Duffy's Pizza Unsung Hero Award
Kevin Noth (OF/1B) - aging veteran who suffered through a dreadful 2008 season; didn't get the opportunity to show off his patented playoff surge as every tournament that Boom entered was cancelled; has vowed never to strikeout looking again; is primed for a strong 2009 season with renewed vigor after a rigorous offseason workout regimen; runaway "winner" of the Nick Joss/Mike Lochrem Biggest Disappointment "Award
Meghan Potter (OF) - bounced back after a lackadaisacal 2007 season to finish second in the Tony's Diner Comeback Player of the Year voting; hosted the season's only pre-game party in 2008; was outstanding with runners in scoring position; may be the team's lest aggressive baserunner; can be distracted by arrogant hockey/baseball players
Matt Slieter (UT) - a wily journeyman who is looking to build on a breakout 2008 season; didn't show the proneness to injury that is expected out of men's basketball SIDs; one of the team's least aggressive baserunners; despite average speed, won a Gold Glove from the outfield in 2008; one of few players who can hit to all fields
Jim Strick (UT) - tall; entered the season as an infielder/outfielder, but moved into the pitching spot after ineffectiveness from Steve Geller and Jeff Keiser; pitched a two-hitter in slowpitch softball, leading Boom to a pathetic 3-2 win; has total command of the strike zone to go along with an array of different pitches; changes speeds with ease; one of two lefthanded bats in the WTP lineup; led the team in on-base percenteage in 2008; winner of the 2008 Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Award and the Cy Young Award
Emily Wood (UT) - enters season on disabled list; perennial team sparkplug will supprt WTP from the stands if she is unable to play

Key Additions: Amanda Hoehn
Key Losses: Andrea Smith
Possible Subs: AVP, Garry Bowman, Carmelina Carabajal, Chris Cords, Phil Esten, Ben Flattum, Katie Fornasiere, Amy Hamilton, Emily Hennen, Kristin Hill, Nate Selvig, Anne Strong, Tyler Thomson, Michelle Train, Kristine Yorde
Season Opener: April 28

Area Woman Discloses Her Debilitating Fear of Deer

In an attempt to overcome a deep-seated and long-held fear, area woman Molly Casey (Brooklyn Park, Minn.) has announced that she has a debilitating phobia of deer and all things deer-related. Molly made her announcement during a large family gathering last weekend in Lakeland, Minn.

"I know several of you are aware of this, but my therapist thinks it would be a good idea if I said it out loud to everybody," a nervous and tearful Molly said. "Ok, here goes...I'm deathly afraid of deer. Yes, deer. I know you say they're one of nature's cutest animals and they're harmless herbivores, but those things scare the **** out of me. I would appreciate your support in helping me overcome my phobia. Please stop laughing."

According to phobialist.com, the medical term for fear of deer is Adnuolisphobia. Adnuolis is the scientfic name for white tailed deer. Adnuolisphobia is considered extremely rare.

Molly's announcement came as no surprise to her immediate family in attendance. According to a journal kept by Molly's mother, Mary Miller (Lakeland, Minn.), it appears Molly's fear of deer began after a 1986 viewing of the Disney classic "Bambi."

Miller wrote, "I think Molly's naiveté and gullibility got the best of her again today. We just got finished watching Bambi. Apparently, Molly (6) thought it was a documentary. She somehow got it into her head that Bambi and the other deer were the 'bad guys' in the movie. Most kids love Bambi. Not Molly. She cheered when Bambi's mother got shot by the hunters. For the rest of the movie, she was cheering for the hunters to get Bambi, Faline and the Great Prince. When the movie ended and all the deer were still alive, Molly shut all the curtains and started crying, saying 'The deer are still out there, Mommy.' Uh oh, it looks like I'm going to have to talk down Molly from another one of her fears. I just hope it doesn't take as long as calming her fear of poisoned apples (a la Snow White)."

Unable to overcome her fear, Molly has lived to this day with an intense phobia of deer and their relatives. Oldest sister Maggie Miller (St. Paul, Minn.) was quick to relay one of her favorite Molly/deer phobia stories.

"As the great big sister that I am, I always try to support my little sisters at their sporting events, dance recitals and such. I was a freshman at St. Ben's and I heard that Molly and her Stillwater track team had a meet in Elk River. Again, being the nice sister that I am, I hopped in my car and made the trek to the high school. Well, the Stillwater team bus shows up, but not with Molly. I called home and asked my Dad why Molly wasn't in Elk River. He told me that Molly tweaked an ankle while hurdling the day before. I got the feeling that Dad was hiding something from me, so I called my youngest sister (Jesse Brine). She told me that Molly faked her injury just so she didn't have to go to Elk River. Apparently, Molly's fear of deer also extends to elk. I guess she thought the town was swarming with the deer relatives. Makes my fear of Republicans look downright normal, doesn't it?"

Molly's phobia dogged the standout track athlete well after the meets in Elk River. In fact, Molly's deer-fear apparently cost her an athletic scholarship. According to documents obtained from current Stillwater Area girls' track & field coach Dawn Podolske, Molly turned down a sizable scholarship to NCAA Division II institution Nebraska-Kearney, apparently because of the school's Antelope mascot (photo of mascot Louie the Loper at right).

"We tried to get Molly to consider the scholarship offer to Kearney, but she was adamant," Casey's father, Mike Miller (Lakeland, Minn.), said. "She was not going to go to a school with a deer-like mascot. She had also elminated Maine-Augusta (Moose) from consideration. She was on the fence about schools with a ram as a mascot. I had no idea how deep her fear of deer ran until then."

Molly decided to attend the College of St. Benedict in St. Joseph, Minn., and became a member of the Blazer track & field team. But Molly's deer phobia would strike again during her college career, this time by the hooves of a seemingly suicidal white tailed deer.

According to an accident report filed with police, Molly was traveling along Collegeville Road on her way to visit her then-boyfriend, now-husband Kyle Casey (Brooklyn Park, Minn.) at St. John's University in Collegeville, Minn. Approximately one mile from the entrance to campus, a juvenile white tailed deer jumped out of the neighboring woods and slammed into the side of Molly's car, denting the driver's side door panels and cracking a window.

"When Molly got to my dorm room, she was an absolute wreck," Casey said. "Tears streaming down her face, shaking like a leaf, something had put the fear of God into her. I thought for sure she was mugged by a renegade St. Thomas student or something, but no, it was a deer. A ****ing deer. My girlfriend's irrational fear of deer had reared its ugly head yet again. Do you have any idea how long it took me to convince her that the deer aren't out to get her? I'll tell you this much, our relationship was nearly ruined...over a deer. A ****ing deer."

Unfortunately, that wasn't the last time that Molly's dear phobia impacted her husband. Married in November of 2006, Molly and Kyle moved into a new house in a new Brooklyn Park development in 2007. The backyard of the Casey house borders a small forest and open field, prime areas for encounters with various animals, including deer. Nearly every day since moving in, deer have wandered through their backyard, resulting in Molly burying herself under blankets in the basement.

"It's getting out of hand, really," Kyle said. "She sees a deer outside and immediately the crying, screaming and running to the basement begins. It's almost routine now. Our 16-month-old son (Carter) thinks it's normal to see mommy freak out the second a deer shows up outside our house. She better get over this fear, because much to her dismay, I'm not frosting over the windows and we're not moving."

Molly is reportedly contemplating agressive phobia therapy in an effort to overcome her fear of deer. The therapy includes visits to petting zoos, wearing vintage Minnesota Moose hockey jerseys, watching Discovery Channel nature shows and Versus hunting programs, hanging a set of deer antlers in the house, repeated singing of Do-Re-Mi, and ultimately, a nature hike/bowhunting trip to come face-to-face with a wild deer.

Area Softball Franchise Ditches Iconic Team Name in Favor of a More Apt Description

One of the Twin Cities' iconic recreational sports franchises is changing its name. Boom Goes the Dynamite, a slowpitch softball organization with ties to the now-defunct teams of Low Expectations, Gas on the Fire and I'm With Stupid will heretofore be known as Warning Track Power. The name change was completed several months ago in consultations between team president Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.), general manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Conn.) and third base coach Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.).

"Jeff, Steve and I just felt it was time to move this franchise in a new direction," Kurtt said from a press conference at Tony's Diner. "It's time to put the Boom Goes the Dynamite era to bed. The last two seasons have been dreadful and we really didn't want to sully the Boom name that garnered such acclaim after back-to-back CSC Championship seasons in 2005 and 2006.

"And really, anybody that watched the team's performance last season knows that we just weren't living up to our name. I mean, Boom? Dynamite? That squad resembled neither of those things. We decided to give this team a name that more aptly describes its play on the field. We are now Warning Track Power."

Looking at Boom's 2008 campaign, it seems the new moniker really does match the team's play on the field. According to the 2008 statistics provided by pitching coach Jim Strick (Combined Locks, Wis.), Boom hit a measly four home runs (three officially) and 18 triples in 18 games last season. Those four round-trippers came from three players - Keiser (2), Kevin Noth (1) and Geller (1, unofficially). Meanwhile, according to the Society for American Baseball Research (SABR), Boom players hit balls to the warning track an astounding 4.35 times per game last season.

"We're a team chock full of aging veterans with diminished ability to hit for power," Keiser said. "Nearly all of us are guilty of it, but there is no better example of this team's sudden lack of power than Kurtt. That guy used to hit balls for miles when we played in CSC. Now, he's like Ichiro out there. Single here. Double there. And once in a while he'll hit to the warning track. He blames the loss of 'pop' in our bats, but he, like many on this team, is getting old, slow and weak."

While Keiser is quick to point out Kurtt's sagging power numbers, it should be noted that Boom's female contingent of players displayed outstanding power last season and shouldn't be grouped in with such aging veterans like Kurtt, Noth, Geller and Strick. Standouts Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.), Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) and Alyssa Downing (Taunton, Minn.) all displayed outstanding power in 2008, belting several balls to the fence and proving that Warning Track Power really is an apt name for this team.

Warning Track Power will likely begin its season on Tuesday, April 28. Stay tuned for details.

Franchise History
2002: Low Expectations

(President: Aron "Rusty" Potter, General Manager Heather Potter)

2003: Gas on the Fire

(President: Chris Bergren, General Manager: Kevin Kurtt)

2004: I'm With Stupid

(President: Chris Bergren, General Manager: Kevin Kurtt)

2005: Boom Goes the Dynamite

(President: Steve Geller, General Manager: Steve Geller)

CSC CHAMPIONS

2006: Boom Goes the Dynamite

(President: Steve Geller, General Manager: Steve Geller)

CSC CHAMPIONS

2007: Boom Goes the Dynamite

(President: Jeff Keiser, General Manager: Jeff Keiser)

2008: Boom Goes the Dynamite

(President: Kevin Kurtt, General Manager: Jeff Keiser, Manager: Michelle Train)

2009: Warning Track Power

(President: Kevin Kurtt, General Manager: Jeff Keiser, Manager: Michelle Train)