Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 9 Picks

The Professor is done. Done gloating. Done ripping on his fellow Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner participants. Done trying to convince you, the bettor, that you should follow The Professor.

As a wise man once said, "The proof is in the picks." Well, like a mathematical theorem, The Professor has the proof and the proof is The Professor's Smart Money Picks:


In honor of the final week of the Big Ten regular season, The Professor is throwing a bit of a curveball to his followers. This week, I'm giving you actual quotes from the Big Ten community in defense of my picks. We start off with "The Game," except this year, it's just "A Game." A spread of 20.5 points is an awful lot in a rivalry that hasn't seen a victory margin of 20 or more since a 28-0 Michigan win in 1993, but 2008 is not like the past 14 meetings between these two schools. ESPN analyst and former Buckeye knows this:

"[The Wolverines] stink, they're not very good. They don't play offense ... they can't run it consistently, they can't throw it consistently, they can't stop the run, they're not very good defending the pass, they're not very good covering kicks, they're not very good returning kicks."

Even Wolverine great Desmond Howard admits his team sucks.

"...the way they've lost some of those games...it's not like they were trying to learn a spread offense (as much as) like they were trying to learn how to play football in some of those games, they looked so bad. This isn't Michigan, this is like Michigan Tech. Now, there's a way to lose, and there's a way to look embarrassing....As a player, you have to have some pride to go out on the field and do certain things that show you're a football player."

I don't know about you, but if Spielman and Howard both are saying essentially the same thing, that means the Winged Helmets are primed for a bloodbath. Take the Bucks and the points. Final Score: Ohio State 42, Michigan 13 (OHIO STATE -20.5 vs. Michigan).

In the Old Oaken Bucket game, it's Tiller Time's farewell vs. the merciful end of Indiana's season. I'll be the first to say that I just don't understand this spread. Eleven points?!? The Boilers hav won three games this season and only one was by more than a touchdown. Now, granted, Indiana is dreadful, but their losses by 10 points or more have come to decent teams (Ball State, MSU, Iowa, Illinois, UW, PSU). Purdue is not a decent team. To verify my suspicion with this spread, we turn to Tiller Time. He's sure to have put a lot of thought into his game plan, especially in regards to his quarterback situation.

"We'll probably start Curtis just out of courtesy to Curtis, as a senior."

Okayyyy. So, what Joe's telling us here is that he's pretty much mailed it in. On the other sideline, Bill Lynch certainly will have an insightful thing to say about this passionate rivalry.

"Having this game at the end is better than having this in the middle of the season."

Okayyyy. So, what Bill's telling us here is it's nice the end of the season is near and it's nice they actually have a chance to win against a bad Purdue team. You won't win, Bill, but you will cover. Final Score: Purdue 22, Indiana 20 (Indiana +11 vs. PURDUE).


Now it's time for the real "The Game" of the weekend. Penn State is going for its second league crown in four years, while Michigan State silently cheering for Michigan to pull off the upset in the 'Shoe, setting the table for a Sparty win over the Nits to vault into the Rose Bowl. You'd think with all that on the line, the talk in Happy Valley would be on the big tilt. Instead, the Penn Staters are talking about JoePa's arthritic hip. Numerous column inches in Pennsylvania newspapers have been devoted, not to Nits vs. Spartans, but to a near-82-year-old man's right leg.

"The hip is not a difficult thing for an 80-year-old man to return from," said Easwaran Balasubramanian (I'm not making up that name), chief of orthopedic surgery at Northeastern Hospital. "Complications are always there. Among them are infection and blood clots. But an infection occurs only 0.5 percent of the time. Blood clots are more common, but the significance isn't major. He'll be on a walker for about three weeks and then a cane for a couple of weeks."

When Happy Valley isn't worrying about JoePa's hip, they're worrying about QB Daryll Clark's sudden loss of ability to play football. David Jones of The (Harrisburg) Patriot-News:

"He's rushing every movement, all jerks and abrupt stops. Nothing is smooth or relaxed. Worse, he's begun throwing either off his back foot or with no stride at all, feet flat as if entombed in set cement.

Worse yet, it seems Clark's teammates are a tad worried about their quarterback's confidence level. I give you Deon Butler:

"Guys just need to relax and calm down and we need to get back to our old ways when we played with a lot more confidence, a lot more swagger. Now it's like, 'I hope we get the first down.'"

All of this is adding up to at best, a narrow Penn State win, or at worst a Michigan State upset. But does Sparty have what it takes to pull off the huge win in State College? The stats show that MSU has four victories against teams with winning records, but none against ranked opponents. In their last chance to make a statement, the Fighting Dantonios fell flat on their face in Columbus. Predictably, Dantonio is playing the respect card this week.

"That's a continuous thing that you fight, that respect factor. This is a world of instant gratification. People want it and want it now. We are truly a work in progress, but we come to play. And as long as you come to play and we play with confidence and we know what we're doing on that end, we'll always have a chance."

I know all the talking heads say when they hear Brewster's pre-game braggadocio, they want to strap on the pads and get out there, but for The Professor's smart money, no one says it as well as Mark Dantonio. It is for that reason, and the fact that JoePa's hip is a major news story, that The Professor is predicting a Michigan State upset this weekend. Sorry, Keisers. Final Score: Michigan State 31, Penn State 28 (Michigan State +14 vs. PENN STATE).


Now it's time for Wickstrom vs. Coughlin. Let's go right to the quotes. Illinois defensive end Will Davis doesn't sound too confident in his schizophrenic team's ability to take home the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk:

"We're all competitors and we lost some games we shouldn't have lost. We lost to teams we felt we could beat, so that hurt. The hardest part is getting it out of your head and getting ready for the next team."

For Northwestern's part, I turned to former 'Cat head coach Denny Green for one of his pearls of football wisdom:

"Northwestern has a place in the Big Ten. Northwestern has a place in major college athletics."

Sounds good on paper, right? Well, not exactly. Denny said that with a look that says he's not entirely convinced by his own statement. Not to be outdone, Illinois assistant coach had this to say, channeling his inner Denny:

"We have to find a way to come out every week and play (hard) because when we play we can play with anybody. And when we don't, we can lose to anybody.''

Clearly, these quotes aren't helping me pick this game, so we'll go with a very telling stat: since 1993, the team with the better record has won 14 out of 15 times. That's enough for me. Take the Cats. Final Score: Northwestern 24, Illinois 20 (NORTHWESTERN +3 vs. Illinois).


Time for the game to determine who takes home a bronze pig. Joel Maturi sounds as if he's predicting a loss this week:

"Going into this season, most people would have been ecstatic with a 7-5 record going into a bowl game. The bigger picture is that we've made great strides here no matter what happens. You either win two more or you win one more or you lose two. We will deal with whatever happens."

Looks like the Athletic Communications office still can't stop Joel from saying stupid things. It also looks like the long-standing head-butting between the AD and football coach is still going strong. The Brew Crew says:

"To me, it's such a bad way to end the year if you lose. You have a double deal, if you lose to Iowa and lose the bowl game. What type of momentum do you have then off of a season when you had a lot of momentum?"

For Iowa blogger "Nefarious," the result of this game has already been decided:

"Go back and look at last year's Iowa schedule. Now look at this year's schedule. Notice anything bizarre? That's right. This year, we've beaten every team we lost to last year, and lost to every team we beat last year. Now, at first I was willing to chalk this up to coincidence. Then, after the Illinois game, it was a legitimate theory, but after the Penn State game. This is clear demonstrable evidence of a very real curse."

Thanks for that analysis, Nefarious, but The Professor doesn't go with trends. I'm not trendy. Instead, I'll go with a true curse - that of Gopher Football and the Metrodome. We all know what's going to happen on Saturday in the Dome, don't we. First quarter: close game, Minnesota ahead by a field goal. Second quarter: Gophers get hot and build a 17-point lead. Third quarter: Goof Troop goes completely off their game plan from the first half and just goes into a shell, hoping to hold the lead. Iowa closes the gap to six. Fourth quarter: Hawks build momentum and make a field goal to trail by three. Gophers respond with about two and a half minutes to go with a field goal of their own to lead by six. Thirteen seconds to go and Iowa is on the Minnesota 25. Everyone is covered deep, so Stanzi tries a mid-zone pass to Johnson-Koulianos. In a fitting end to the Dome era, Stanzi's poorly-thrown pass deflects off the umpire's head and falls into the hands of Andy Brodell who scampers into the end zone. Iowa makes the extra point and wins by one. Minnesota still covers. Mark it down. This will happen. Final Score: Iowa 27, Minnesota 26 (MINNESOTA +6 vs. Iowa).


Finally, we get to the game everyone is talking about: Cal Poly at Wisconsin. Wait, everyone isn't talking about it? And it's deer opener in Wisconsin?

"I don't know what to anticipate; it is kind of an unusual situation," said Vince Sweeney, senior associate athletic director. "The thing we could compare it to is when we played Buffalo two years ago and we had a pretty good turnout that day."

Seeing that the spread was set by Gellersfeld, there's no way it's an accurate representation of the matchup. Nevertheless, Wisconsin will take Cal Poly lightly and the deer hunter-sparse crowd will take some juice out of the Camp Randall vibe. Bucky wins, but closer than the "experts" think. Take the Mustangs. Final Score: Wisconsin 37, Cal Poly 30 (Cal Poly +25 vs. WISCONSIN).


Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner Current Standings (week 8)
The Professor – 29-14 (4-1)
KCKCKCK – 26-17 (3-2)
Wick – 20-17 (2-3)
The Intern – 20-17 (4-1)
Slietes – 23-20 (2-3)
Mighty – 22-21(4-1)
Coolies – 22-21(1-4)
Jimbo – 22-21(2-3)
Cornerman – 21-22 (4-1)
Traeny – 18-20 (2-3)
The Host – 17-26 (3-2)
The Veteran – 12-20 (0-0)

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 8 Picks

Some have said The Host's lenghthy gambling history makes him the strongest handicapper in Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner. A 14-24 season record says otherwise. Would he lead you astray? Yes. Yes he would.

Others say The Cornerman's experience working for two Big Ten universities on opposite ends of the "strength of football program" spectrum gives him invaluable insight into the conference. A 17-21 record says he has learned nothing in his travels around the league. If you've gone with his picks, he's put you in the corner.

Still others say with a name like The Veteran, he must know what he's doing. A 12-20 record says he does not.

Only a fool would follow the picks of someone we refer to as The Intern. A .500 record confirms this.

Coolies gets a little credit for resurrecting Pick 'Em Corner, but he's really only good at picking Purdue games.

Then there are the upstarts. Wick, Slietes, Jimbo, Traeny and Mighty are all over the map on their picks, but they don't back up their predictions with solid analysis in the form of a time-wasting e-mail. They cannot be trusted.

Finally, that brings us to the cream of the crop, KCKCKCK and yours truly, The Professor. KCKCKCK and his second-place record is only out to make money for his sponsor, Erberts & Gerberts, so why not turn to the first-place handicapper who has you, the bettor, in mind? I'm just here to educate, so students, sit down, be quiet and prepare to learn. These are The Professor's Smart Money Picks:

In a battle between the last two Goof Troop opponents, we have the Mildcats visiting Meeeeeeeeeeechigan. You'd think seeing these two teams play the Gophs would help in picking this game, but the Brew Crew was dreadful in both contests, so they're of no help. To figure this game out, I talked to all-time great UM basketball coach Tommy Amaker. Given his history with smart-guy schools Duke, Seton Hall and Harvard, Amaker was enamored with Northwestern and begged me to pick the 'Cats. I would, Tommy, but you're just not a reliable Big Ten mind. I mean, you never made it to the NCAA Tournament and you have a reputation of underacheiving and falling apart in pressure situations. Your word just cannot be trusted. Instead, we look to the history books. Michigan has won 33 of the 40 contests in Ann Arbor in this series and is on a five-game win streak vs. NU. True, this ain't your typical Wolverine squad, but they're still Michigan and Northwestern is still Northwestern. Take the Winged Helmets at the points. Final Score: Michigan 29, Northwestern 21 (MICHIGAN -3.5 over Northwestern).

You hear that sound? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr-plunk! It's the MasterLock Triple Strong Lock of the Week! It's been awhile since I've given you a lock, but that's because it should be assumed that all my picks are locks. Anyway, in Happy Valley, the Nits are favored by an astounding 35.5 points over the woeful Hoosiers. The Fighting Keisers are fuming over their loss last week to the Fighting S'felds and ready to take out their frustrations on IU. If we were picking straight up, this would be the easiest game to pick all season, but instead we have 35.5 points staring us in the face. To find out if Indiana is really 35.5 points worse than Popcorn Paterno, I spoke with the Indiana student who held up the bedsheet with the words "Fire Bill Lynch" written on it at the last Hoosier home game. He told me the Hoosier players didn't take his editorial on the IU head coach too well and he's now in Steve Bartman-like hiding somewhere on the Bloomington campus. That says a lot, because if there's one thing I know about Indiana Football, it's that that team can get fired up for their coach...whether he's living or not. Penn State runs away with this game, but Indiana plays hard for Lynch. That's good enough for a 35-point deficit, enough to cover. Final Score: Penn State 38, Indiana 3 (Indiana +35.5 vs. PENN STATE).

Remember last week when I told you about Ohio State watching video of Northwestern's 2004 win, inspiring them to a convincing win over the 'Cats to cover the 10.5 points last weekend? Well, the Fighting Waleriuses just might be inspired to the tune of 10 points or more this week after Head Sweater Vest showed his squad video of last season's loss to the Fighting Wickstroms. On the other hand, remember last week when I enlightened you on the Illini's trend of alternating wins and losses? Well, schizophrenia reigned again last week as the Zooksters dropped a 23-17 Motor City Bowl preview to Western Michigan. So, what trend do I go with? This one is easy. When in doubt, never side with a Ron Zook-coached team and never count on a mentally ill team to stick with a trend. Instead, go with a Buckeye squad hitting their stride on both sides of the ball. Final Score: Ohio State 35, Illinois 23 (Ohio State -9.5 over ILLINOIS).

Our next game has trap written all over it. For the underdog Boilers, the quarterback situation is still a mess in the 12th week of the season; the squad is playing for little more than pride and the Tiller Time Farewell Tour; and Purdue is mired in last place with one league win. For the favored Hawkeyes, confidence is high after the big win over the Fighting Keisers; they're on the verge of a top four bowl with two more wins; and it's Senior Day in Iowa City. Here's the problem, 1) Although Purdue has seven losses, only one has been by more than 17 points, 2) Ricky Stanzi is still Ricky Stanzi, 3) an emotional letdown can be expected by the S'felds after last week's big win, and 4) Purdue's defense has been good against traditional offenses. I'm really debating this pick after seeing The Host agreeing with me, but 17.5 points are just too much for Purdue to lose by. Tiller Time loses, but only by 14. Final Score: Iowa 21, Purdue 14 (Purdue +17.5 vs. IOWA).

I think it's time for me to renegotiate my contract with Pick 'Em Corner. The contract I signed a few years back precludes me from ever picking Bucky, even if every fiber of my being is saying, "Pick Bucky." That was the case last week with Wisco vs. IU, but I am contractually obligated to go against the Evil Red Empire. As much as I don't want to this week, I'll stick with this practice even though I'm convinced the Goof Troop is going to get thoroughly embarrassed in Madison. Remember last week when I told you Minnesota was a fraud? Was I right or was I right? Don't get me wrong, I love picking against Bielema's Boys and rooting for their opponent week in and week out is one of the few pure joys in life, but there is no way the Brew Crew stays close in this game. In fact, I'm making this my first-ever Bizarro World Reverse Lock of the Week. Click-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr! Click-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr! Click-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr! I'm going to pick Minnesota to cover the 13.5, but you should not. Final Bizarro Score: Wisconsin 33, Minnesota 20 (Minnesota -13.5 vs. WISCONSIN). Remember, this is my Bizarro pick. If you want to win, do the complete opposite.

Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner Current Standings (week 7)
The Professor – 25-13 (5-1)
KCKCKCK – 23-15 (4-2)
Wick – 18-14 (3-3)
Slietes – 21-17 (4-2)
Coolies – 21-17 (4-2)
Jimbo – 20-18 (4-2)
The Intern – 16-16 (0-0)
Traeny – 16-17 (3-3)
Cornerman – 17-21 (2-4)
Mighty – 18-20 (3-3)
The Host – 14-24 (2-4)
The Veteran – 12-20 (4-2)

Big Ten Pick 'Em Corner - The Professor's Week 7 Picks

A tough week for everyone but Slietes and Jimbo last week. Even The Professor suffered his first sub-.500 week. I guess that's what I get for jumping on the Brew Crew bandwagon.

Another tough week of picks in the Big Ten this week as no spread is set at less than a touchdown. Better have some conviction in your handicapping this week.

The Professor stands at 20-12 on the season. Now students, sit down, be quiet and prepare to learn. It's time for The Professor's Smart Money Picks.

A rejuvenated, albeit still banged-up Northwestern squad gets the pleasure of welcoming the surly and well-rested Sweater Vests this week. Bye weeks have meant trouble in the Big Ten this season - the Goof Troop being the exception. Under Coach Sweater Vest, the Bucks are 1-4 after bye weeks, but in those previous post-bye games, the Buckeyes had gone into their off week on the heels of a victory. So what's this mean for OSU and the 10.5 points they need to cover? Well, to find out, I talked with fellow handicapper Steve Geller. Take it away, Coolies. "Let me take you back to 2004 when Glen Mason was doing his best to get us back to Nashville. The 'Cats had just come off a 43-17 loss to the 19th-ranked Gophers, while OSU was 3-0 and coming off a bye. What happened? A 33-27 overtime win for Northwestern. Need I say more?" No, Steve, you don't. I'll take it from here. The Bucks won't be caught sleeping in 2008. They're pissed off, thanks to the Fighting Keisers, and they just got done watching a video clip of NU fans celebrating after that 2004 win. The 'Cats QB situation is still a mess - Kafka's performance was against a Gopher defense playing in its 2007-style - and OSU is looking for a big rebound from their last game. Take the Vests and the points. Final Score: Ohio State 34, Northwestern 17 (Ohio State -10.5 over NORTHWESTERN).

It truly is time for Tiller Time to end. The Boilers inexplicably score 48 points with Justin Siller at the helm and Tiller is still planning on running Curtis Painter out there to take on Sparty? What gives? Why the love affair with the vastly overrated Painter? I just don't get it. So, I asked Tiller himself. In reference to why he might start Painter over Siller, he actually said, "Well, you haven't been on the practice field with us, so you really don't know." Wow, just wow. Are we talking practice field here? (http://awfulannouncing.blogspot.com/2008/11/ai-revists-his-famous-practice-speech.html) Practice field? Tiller has gone off the deep end and it's time to bring in Mustache #2 now. Brian Hoyer is getting going, Javon Ringer is still a stud, it's Senior Day in East Lansing, Purdue only beat Michigan by six points last week (and allowed 42) and Tiller is starting Painter. That adds up to more than 10 points to me. Take Sparty and the points. Final Score: Michigan State 27, Purdue 13 (MICHIGAN STATE -10 over Purdue).

We wrap up the non-conference slate in the Big Ten with a real barn-burner - Illinois vs. Western Michigan in Ford Field...wait, Ford Field? Huh? Is this like a Motor City Bowl Preview or something? Why Ford Field? Color me confused. Anyway, Illinois is the definition of a schizophrenic team. To wit: the Fighting Wickstroms have alternated wins and losses for each of the last six games. In the business, that's called a trend. To take this game's pulse, I spoke with someone who knows schizophrenia quite well, my good friend Tyler Hirsch (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCgqLXc8ZUQ). All I got out of him was something about him being the Messiah or something, so I turned to the numbers. Here we go: Western Michigan beat Northern Illinois who lost to Minnesota who beat Illinois, while Illinois has Ron Zook as a head coach, players breaking each others' jaws and a nasty case of the aforementioned schizophrenia. I'm not sure Illinois will lose this game, but the Broncos' offense keeps this one close. Final Score: Illinois 42, Western Michigan 40 (WESTERN MICHIGAN +7 over Illinois).

Now it's time for my weekly justification of why I'm picking against Bucky. It's an easy one this week: Bret Bielema is (take your pick) immature/insane/arrogant/assholeish/a bad coach/just plain stupid/a perfect fit for the state of Wisconsin. Bielema blew Bucky's chance at a win over Michigan State by being a childish jerk to the sideline officials, resulting in a 15-yard penatly which led to a MSU comeback. He's apologized to everyone, but even his players sound a little miffed at their coach's immaturity. I give you Wisco safety Chris Maragos: "Obviously, he feels horrible about the penalty. But at the same time, we're out on the field. It should never come down to any penalties, whether it's pass interference, coaches or whatever it might be. We need to do our job." Great timing on Bielema's reverting back to 3rd grade, too. The BADgers were just starting to look somewhat respectable again. Wisconsin wins, but they don't cover. Final Score: Wisconsin 23, Indiana 17 (INDIANA +9.5 over Wisconsin).

Time for the Goof Troop in the Jug Game. I'm sorry to say it, but I'm off the bandwagon (until next week). Fans can argue all they want, but Brewster's Boys were exposed for the fraud that they are last week against Northwestern. The offense is anemic. Exhibit A: Weber to Decker can only take you so far. Exhibit B: The running game is as bad as we expected it would be without Duane Bennett. Exhibit C: This ain't a Mason-era offensive line. On the other side of the ball, we've just been plain lucky. Winning the turnover battle is important, but it's not exactly something you can count on being there game in and game out...especially with a sputtering offense. Lucky for the Goof Troop they have Michigan and their case of fumblitis coming into the Dome this week. That being said, as bad as Michigan has been this year, they've got some things going for them in this game. 1) They've never lost in the Dome. 2) Their offense has been decent in recent weeks. And 3) They're still Michigan (though they're masquerading as the 2007 Gophers). Make me regret this pick, Goof Troop. Final Score: Michigan 27, Minnesota 26 (Michigan +8 over MINNESOTA).

I'm getting bored with my own analysis at this point, so I'll go with the tried and true method of picking the opposite of what The Host picked. It's worked before and it'll work again. The Nits win, but don't cover. Final Score: Penn State 27, Iowa 20 (IOWA +7.5 over Penn State).

Thus concludes The Professor's Picks of the Week. Remember, "The 'Smart' Money is Always on THE PROFESSOR."

Big Ten Pick’em Corner Current Standings (week 6)
The Professor – 20-12 (2-3)
KCKCKCK – 19-13 (2-3)
Wick – 15-11 (1-4)
Slietes – 17-15 (3-2)
Coolies – 17-15 (1-4)
Jimbo – 16-16 (3-2)
The Intern – 16-16 (2-3)
Traeny – 13-14 (1-4)
Cornerman – 15-17 (2-3)
Mighty – 15-17 (1-4)
The Host – 12-20 (1-4)
The Veteran – 8-18 (2-3)