Slowly-Weathering Section of Fence Reminding Area Man of Departed Colleague

A nondescript section of a slowly-weathering wooden fence on the north side of Highway 5 in Eden Prairie, Minn., is more than just a nondescript section of a slowly-weathering wooden fence to one former University of Minnesota Athletic Communications staffer. To Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.), that section of fence is a twice-daily reminder of the absence of erstwhile coworker, now Big Ten Network Assignment Editor Kyle Coughlin (Golden Valley, Minn.).

"I drive that stretch of road twice every day, and I'm instantly reminded of Kyle every time I pass between Dell Road and Eden Prairie Road," Kurtt said. "I see the section of fence that Kyle was responsible for originally destroying and I can't help but think of him. My heart breaks a little more each day I see that fence and am reminded that Kyle is so far away now."

According to Eden Prairie Police documents obtained by Mr. Heavyfoot, Coughlin was involved in a car vs. fence accident on Highway 5 on February 23, 2007, resulting in the destruction of a section of fence along with some roadside shrubbery. The former U of M Interim Director of Athletic Communications was cited and later acquitted on charges of leaving the scene of an accident (MN Statute 169.09), reckless driving (MN Statute 169.13) and criminal stupidity (MN Statute 169.28) - for leaving the scene of an accident but also leaving his bumper with attached license plate at said accident scene.

A short time later, the fence was repaired with new, non-weathered wood, thanks to a settlement between Coughlin, the City of Eden Prairie and the Friedman family whose property lies adjacent to the damaged fence. Coughlin left the Twin Cities a few months later for Chicago to pursue a career in the television industry.

"It's amazing the memories that a slowly-weathering fence conjures up," Kurtt added. "I remember Kyle's amazing potato-sack racing ability (photo at left). I remember his softball performance as the wily veteran that he is (link). I remember him soaking his bloody leg in a kiddie pool after sliding into a wooden home plate (link). It's really sad to think that, in time, the weather will render that section of fence indistinguishable from the rest of the fence. So, too, will fade the memories if something is not done."

In an effort to permanently and officially establish the section of fence as a memorial to Coughlin, Kurtt has submitted a proposal to the Eden Prairie City Council to rename the fence the "Kyle Coughlin Fence of Remembrance."

"I know Kyle's not dead, but I just feel that something needs to be done to recognize Kyle for all that he brought to the Twin Cities area, namely a bad back, a weak heart, and an uncanny ability to spurn his job duties in favor of going golfing (link)," Kurtt said. "The Kyle Coughlin Fence of Remembrance is modeled after the Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP (link) or the Tory Kukowski Memorial Internship (link). It's a great honor. Just ask the still-living Shane and Tory. What else do we have to remember Kyle by? Well, aside from that awesome t-shirt, of course (photo at right)."

Kurtt's intentions to honor Coughlin with the Fence of Remembrance have brought mixed reactions from former coworkers. Shane Sandersfeld (Williamsburg, Iowa), a one-time neighbor of Coughlin's, has been a staunch opponent of Kurtt's proposal.

"I, too, drive Highway 5 twice a day, but due to my medical condition, I'm thankfully not able to turn my head to see that section of fence. But that's irrelevant. Kyle's gone. Let's move on and forget the guy. Once he sells his townhouse, I want nothing around to remind me of Kyle. I swear his realtor brother is just keeping that place on the market to taunt me."

Former coworker and golfing buddy Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.) stood firmly in favor of the memorial fence proposal.

"When Kyle left, my world crashed," Keiser said while choking back tears. "Establishing the Kyle Coughlin Fence of Rememberance won't bring him back, but it will give me a place to go and reflect on just what Kyle meant to me."

When asked why Kurtt and Keiser don't just make a road trip to Chicago to visit Coughlin, they cited rising gas prices and disapproving wives who never really took a liking to Coughlin.

Coughlin was unavailable for comment as he took a day off from work to go golfing.

Lagasse, 23, Continues to Bring His Glove to Baseball Games Despite the Fact that He's 23

Reports out of the University of Minnesota Athletic Communications office indicate that second-year Assistant Creative Director Chris Lagasse (Crookston, Minn.), 23, continues to bring his glove to Twin Cities area baseball games despite the fact that he's 23 years old. Lagasse (wearing hat in above photo) has been seen toting his Tom Brunansky Signature Series Spalding glove to Minnesota Twins, St. Paul Saints, and various townball and youth baseball games since the 2008 season began.

Lagasse has had to endure entirely-justifiable criticism, harassment and merciless taunting from Athletic Communications staffers since longtime U of M baseball SID Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.) spotted Lagasse in the stands at a St. Louis Park 11AA youth baseball game in late May.

"I was just going for a walk at Rotary Northside Park when I saw Lagasse watching a kids' baseball game," Geller said. "Any ball that was hit over the backstop he went after. He was battling preschoolers for foul balls. I've never seen anything like it. "

Just days later, photographs surfaced on Lagasse's Facebook page of the Bemidji State graduate at a Minnesota Twins game, sporting his Spalding in hopes of catching a foul ball. Upon investigation of the photos, Mr. Heavyfoot experts determined that Lagasse was sitting in section 236 or 237 (seating chart at left), an area no foul ball has ever, or will ever, reach. Those photos have since been removed.

"Once I heard about Lagasse bringing his glove to baseball games, I lit into him," Lagasse's supervisor Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.) said. "I mean, what guy over the age of 12 brings his glove to a baseball game? Listen, I know Lagasse is our office dork (link), but really, this is taking it too far. I've tolerated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures, the Star Wars dolls and all the other nerd-related paraphenalia, but I just cannot let him get by without me ridiculing him for being a grown man with a glove at a baseball game."

Apparently, Keiser's incessant taunting has not led to any significant change in Lagasse's glove-wearing behavior. In fact, it appears Lagasse has stepped up his efforts to catch foul balls at as many baseball games as possible. According to a document found in the garbage by Bierman Field Athletic Building janitorial engineer Mahdi Ali (Mogadishu, Somalia), Lagasse has compiled a schedule of youth, semi-pro and professional baseball games at which he plans to attend with his Spalding. The schedule unearthed by the one-time U of M Athletics Teammate of the Month also spells out plans to enlist his fiancee Megan Carlson and unemployed former Athletic Communications intern Ryan Maus (Northfield, Minn.) in Lagasse's quest for foul balls.

"I find paper with baseball games on it," Ali said. "It look like Mr. Chris really want to catch ball bad. I don't know what his problem is. He really big dork, huh? Hello, prospect!"

In addition to bringing his glove to every baseball game he attends, Lagasse allegedly brings his own scorebook, foam "We're #1" finger and "Circle Me Bert" sign.

(The below video IS NOT of Chris Lagasse at a baseball game. It is a video of a fan who DID NOT bring his glove to a baseball game.)

The Boom Box Score - Boom Goes the Dynamite 14, The Chiefs 10

Boom Goes the Dynamite got back in the win column in St. Louis Park Mixed C League action with a 14-10 win over The Chiefs on Tuesday. Tied 9-9 entering the fourth inning, Boom proceeded to out-score the Amanda Hoehn-led squad of heavy drinkers and former semi-pro hockey players 5-1 to cruise to the win. Eight of Boom's 12 players registered multi-hit nights, led by three-hit games by the middle of the lineup (Meghan Potter, Jim Strick, Cathy Behr, Ryan Maus and Alyssa Downing). Boom moved to 3-2 in the league despite another atrocious showing by umpire Susan H. Keller. For the second consecutive game, Keller blew a pair of obvious call, leading Boom general manager Jeff Keiser to consider filing an official protest with league commissioner Sam Lombardo.

Boom looks to start a winning streak against Jobdig on June 10 at 6:15 p.m., at Dakota Park West.

Game notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com):
* Duffy's Pizza Three Stars of the Game: 1. Meghan Potter, 2. Kevin Kurtt, 3. Cathy Behr.
* Jeff Keiser made his first career start at pitcher, picking up the win, walking a Boom season-high four batters.
* Cathy Behr was named a star of the game for a team-leading fourth time in five games.
* Alyssa Downing was 3-for-3. She is 13-for-15 on the season and has posted a perfect 1.000 batting average in four of the five games this season.
* Meghan Potter is the only Boom player to have at least two RBI in every game this season. With 14 RBI, she has more runs batted in than Steve Geller, Kevin Kurtt and Kevin Noth combined.
* Boom improved to 3-0 with Kieran Kurtt, Beth Kurtt and Laura Kurtt in attendance. Boom is also 1-0 with Cathy's guy, Greg, in the stands.
* Ryan Maus had a career-high three hits.
* Geller ended an 0-5 skid with a double.
* Kevin Kurtt recorded his first multi-double game of the season.
* Boom did not record an error for the first time in team history.
* Noth took a ball to the back of his leg while legging out an infield single.
* Matt Slieter and Keiser recorded their first doubles of the season.
* Potter notched her fifth consecutive multi-RBI and multi-hit game.
* The DiNardo/Glen Mason Comeback Player of the Year frontrunner, Potter leads the team in at bats (20), hits (15), doubles (6) and RBI (14).
* In the last three games, Behr has gone 10-for-11 with nine RBI and seven runs scored.
* Maus failed to score for the first time this season.
* Noth shaved his goatee and went 1-for-2 with zero RBI.
* Matt Slieter led the team with a 1.500 slugging percentage.
* Casey Kurtt and Emily Wood went hitless on the night in seven combined at bats. It marked the first time this season that Kurtt and Wood failed to reach base safely.
* Boom failed to record a strikeout for the third consecutive game.
* Boom has drawn two walks this season, while Boom's opponents have reached base on balls 16 times.
* Keiser's strikeout-to-walk ratio stands at 0:4, while Geller's is at 1:3.
* Keiser is Boom's male leader in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (batting), ranking first in home runs (2) and RBI (8), and fourth in batting average (.667).
* Potter and Behr are Boom's female leaders in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (batting). Potter ranks first in RBI (14) and home runs (0), and third in batting average (.750). Behr ranks first in home runs (0), second in RBI (12) and batting average (.765).
* Geller is Boom's leader in the John Miller Enterprises Race for the Triple Crown (pitching), ranking first in wins (2), ERA (7.86) and strikeouts (4). Keiser is second, ranking second in wins (1), ERA (10.00) and strikeouts (0).

We Dream of Someday Building Our Very Own Wiffle Ball Park

What is it about Wiffle Ball that just seems to conjure up pleasant memories of childhood days gone by? Days when organized sports didn't dominate the summer schedule. Days when the most fun was had by making up games with your friends in the backyard. There's something magical about Wiffle Ball that we can't quite put our finger on.

Whatever it is, the above video and this photo gallery from a story that appeared in the Star Tribune (and video and corresponding web page) has made us put one more thing on our list of things to do before we die. We now pledge to build a Wiffle Ball field in our yard at some point in the not-too-distant future (we live in a townhouse now, so we don't technically own our yard...otherwise we'd be designing the field dimensions as we speak). And we'll start a Wiffle Ball league. As long as you can walk, you can play. Start forming your four-player teams now.

We don't, however, have any aspirations (nor chance) of being able to throw a Wiffle Ball like these guys:

The Boom Box Score - Skeet Skeet 18, Boom Goes the Dynamite 13

Boom Goes the Dynamite moved its St. Louis Park Mixed C League record to 2-2 with an embarrassing 18-13 loss to Skeet Skeet on Tuesday. win over Absolute Bail Bonds on last night. Leading 13-10 entering the top of the fifth, Boom apparently decided as a team to forget how to catch and throw a softball, allowing Skeet Skeet to plate eight runs. The scoring rally was augmented by a flat-out godawful call by USSSA umpire Susan H. Keller. Mentally fried from the beatdown suffered in the top half of the inning, Boom failed to mount any sort of rally in the bottom of the fifth to hand Skeet its first win.

Boom looks to get back in the win column against The Chiefs on June 3 at 6:15 p.m., at Dakota Park West.

Game notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com):
* Duffy's Pizza Three Stars of the Game: 1. Cathy Behr, 2. Doug Vose, 3. Meghan Potter.
* The following Boom players committed one or more errors: Kevin Kurtt, Jeff Keiser, Meghan Potter, Kevin Noth, Steve Geller.
* Kevin Kurtt saw his hitting streak come to an end at seven at-bats.
* Cathy Behr posted a 2.000 slugging percentage with her single and triple. Kevin Kurtt followed at 1.333 with a double and a pair of singles.
* Kurtt and Behr recorded Boom's third and fourth sac flies of the year.
* Behr took a ball to the back of her neck while stretching a double into a triple.
* Behr and Keiser recorded their first triples of the season.
* Behr earned her team-leading third Duffy's Pizza Three Stars of the Game accolade.
* Meghan Potter made her first appearance in the infield this season.
* Potter notched her fourth consecutive multi-RBI game.
* Alyssa Downing and Kevin Kurtt failed to record an extra-base hit for the first time this season.
* Steve Geller was the lone Boom player without a hit on the night at 0-for-3.
* Doug Vose went 3-for-3 with 3 RBI in his Boom debut.
* For the first time this season, aging hurler Steve Geller did not allow a home run.
* Geller failed to record a strikeout for the second consecutive game.
* Though he allowed 22 hits and four walks, Geller was only charged with three earned runs.
* Boom has drawn two walks this season, while Boom's opponents have reached base on balls 12 times.
* Geller's strikeout-to-walk ratio stands at 1:3.
* Former Boom Goes the Dynamite "slugger" Tory Kukowski made an appearance as a fan.

The Race That Was Never Run

Approximately four years ago, one of this nation's most significant sporting events was conceived during lunch in Dinkytown on the campus of the University of Minnesota. Billed as a showdown between former college track athlete turned athletic communications staffer with little to no life skills Shane Sandersfeld and former very mediocre high school track athlete turned athletic communications staffer with grandiose opinions of his athletic abilities Kevin Kurtt, the event came to be known as the Race of the Decade. Then the Race of the Century. Then the Race of the Millenium. Then Just Run & Be Done.

That race was never run. Here's a brief history of The Race...

Race of the Decade
- Originally set for May 18, 2004
- Came about when Sandersfeld claimed he could beat anybody in the office in any race over any distance
- Kurtt called him out on his claim
- Race distance was set at 400 meters - a distance both Sandersfeld and Kurtt ran in high school
- John Miller Enterprises signs on as chief promoter of Race of the Decade
- Victory Sports agrees to broadcast Race of the Decade...tape-delayed
- Race of the Decade PR Director Jeff Keiser creates and distributes promotional materials to BFAB staff
- Hype reaches an apex a few days before the race
- A survey is conducted in the office to determine who will win, based on a number of factors (weather, cardiovascular strength, experience, girlfriend, etc.)
- Sandersfeld is installed as the pre-race favorite by a small margin
- Then-Gopher running back Laurence Maroney backs Sandersfeld as his favorite
- The day before the race, Kurtt decides to test his fitness by running a 400 around the Edina Community Center track
- Kurtt runs a decent time, but comes up lame the next morning with a pulled calf muscle
- Controversy ensues when the race is postponed due to injury
- Sandersfeld claims Kurtt is faking it
- Maroney calls Kurtt a quitter
- John Miller Enterprises pulls out of The Race of the Decade, never to return
- Victory Sports remains steadfast in their dedication to broadcast the event
- A year goes by

Race of the Century
- Originally set for May 18, 2005
- Keiser, in conjunction with Nick Joos Studios, revives the race, renaming it the Race of the Century
- Despite not in existence any more, Victory Sports stays committed to televising the event
- Keiser re-creates promotional materials for the race
- Marc Ryan signed as official timer for the race
- A new survey is conducted in the office to determine who will win - Kurtt is the runaway winner of the survey as voters cited Sandersfeld's poor eating habits and overall lack of quality life skills
- For some reason, May 18, 2005, comes and goes with no race
- Every so often during the summer, the race gets brought up, but fails to materialize into anything
- Idea of a race between Sandersfeld and Kurtt fades away
- Early 2006, Sandersfeld breaks neck

Race of the Millenium
- Despite broken neck, Sandersfeld wants to revive the race upon his return to the office
- More controversy ensues as staffers debate whether or not Sandersfeld running is a good thing given his condition
- Sandersfeld puts the race ahead of his well-being, saying he wants to run just to put the event in the past
- Kurtt wants no part of the race, telling Sandersfeld, "I will not be a part of your death"
- Risk of death, or at the very least paralysis, results in the presumably permanent cancellation of the race

Just Run & Be Done
- Keiser, in conjunction with Mahdi Marketing & Promotions, revives the race, renaming it Just Run & Be Done
- In favor of running, Sandersfeld continues to put the race ahead of his life
- Kurtt mulls it over, still not wanting to be a part of Sandersfeld's death
- Big Ten Network, in an effort to fill the massive holes in its broadcast schedule between actual present-day sporting events, signs on as the official television partner of the race
- Former U of M employee and current BTN staffer Kyle Coughlin named sole talent for broadcast
- Kurtt agrees to race, knowing full well it's never going to happen

Boom Goes the Dynamite Makes Pages of Tabloid Rag Again

For the second time this season, Boom Goes the Dynamite has appeared in an issue of Let's Play Softball/Let's Play Baseball. Boom, featuring photos of game 3 star Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.) and veteran utility player Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.), graces page 13 of the May 22 edition of "Minnesota's premier softball publication" (phrase used courtesy of Ryan Maus).

Boom originally appeared in the April 24 edition of the tabloid rag (link). Hmm, we wonder who the editor of that publication is...

The Boom Box Score - Boom Goes the Dynamite 21, Absolute Bail Bonds 20

Boom Goes the Dynamite moved its St. Louis Park Mixed C League record to 2-1 with a nailbiting 21-20 win over Absolute Bail Bonds on last night. Trailing by one run entering the bottom of the seventh, Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) led off the inning with a triple to complete a 4-for-4 night. Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) drove Kurtt in for the tying run and was followed on the basepaths with a single by Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.). Keiser’s single was his third hit of the night, following his first two career home runs. The stage was set for Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.) to cap a 5-for-5, four RBI night with a liner to left center to score Potter from second for the game-winning run.

Boom looks to start a winning streak against Skeet Skeet on May 27 at 6 p.m., at Dakota Park East.

Game notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com):
* Cathy Behr's five-hit game set a 2008 season record.
* Behr recorded her second career walk-off game-winning hit. She had one three years ago with the Gas On The Fire.
* Jeff Keiser's two home runs and five RBI set 2008 Boom season records.
* Jeff Keiser recorded the Boom family of franchises' first-ever two-home run game.
* Kevin Kurtt has six consecutive hits, tying Boom's season-high
(Alyssa Downing).
* Keiser posted a 2.250 slugging percentage with his two dingers and one single. Kevin Kurtt followed at 1.750 with a triple, double and pair of singles.
* Kevin Kurtt nearly injured Andrea Smith in the on-deck circle with a wayward, haphazard toss of his bat after hitting a double in the fourth innning, striking the star third baseman in the right shin. X-rays were negative on the shin after the game.
* Kevin Noth maimed the Absolute Bail Bonds pitcher with a screaming liner, forcing her from the mound. Showing no care or remorse, Noth proceeded to take second base on an errant throw after her teammates were clearly shaken.
* Andrea Smith recorded Boom's second sac fly of the year. Steve Geller has scored on both sac flys this season.
* Alyssa Downing's three-game, six at-bat hitting/on-base streak came to an end as the rookie utility player went 2-for-4.
* Downing hit her team-leading second triple of the season, only to get tagged out between third and home on a baserunning gaffe.
* In his first action as a Boom member, Matt Slieter went 2-for-3 with three RBI on a bases-clearing triple. Slieter was administered oxygen immediately.
* Boom recorded a team record four triples.
* Aging hurler Steve Geller allowed a grand slam home run for the third consecutive game.
* Geller has now allowed five home runs in his last three starts.
* Geller failed to record a strikeout for the first time this season.
* Boom has drawn one walk this season (Andrea Smith last night), while Booms opponents have reach base on balls eight times.
* Geller's strikeout-to-walk ratio stands at 1:2.
* Geller hit a home run in the bottom of the fifth, but the round-tripper was disallowed due to Boom exceeding its home run limit (2).
* Boom Goes the Dynamite enjoyed its largest fan base of the season as Katie Fornasiere, and Jim, Beth, Laura and Kieran Kurtt witnessed last night's win.
* Maggie made the first appearance by a mascot this season.
* With the win, Boom Goes the Dynamite earned an article in this week's Let's Play Softball. On page 13, Cathy Behr and Kevin Noth are featured with photographs in Minnesota's premier softball publication.

All Nude...Tastefully Done

Some of you may remember this classic ESPN the Magazine spot featuring former Minnesota Timberwolves teammates Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury. We're not NBA fans around here at all, but we remember how excited we were to have Garnett and Marbury together back in the late 90s. Sadly, nothing came of the partnership except this hilarious ad. Plus, ESPN the Magazine has done neither a swimsuit nor an all-nude (but tastefully done) issue.

That's important...very important...to be tasteful.

The Boom Box Score - Green Giants 19, Boom Goes the Dynamite 18

Boom Goes the Dynamite suffered its first loss of the season on May 13, falling 19-18 to the Green Giants in a five-inning game at Dakota Park East. Down 19-8 going into the bottom of the fourth, Boom rallied with nine runs to pull within two. Boom then went 1-2-3 in the top of the fifth, setting up the deciding at-bat in the bottom half of the inning. With one out, ailing first baseman Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) knocked in aging hurler Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.) with a single to cut the Giants' lead to one. With team sparkplug Emily Wood (Wausau, Wis.) on second and Kurtt on first, Comeback Player of the Year candidate Casey Kurtt (Lakeland, Minn.) came to bat with the chance to play the hero. Unfortunately, the dimimuitive utility player/mom grounded out to perennial Giant All-Star third baseman Sam Nzigamasabo who proceeded to turn a 5-3 double play to end the rally and keep the Green Giants undefeated at 2-0. Boom (1-1) looks to bounce back this week against Absolute Bail Bonds on May 20 at 7 p.m., at Dakota Park East.

Some quick notes from the above box score (season stats are below and also available at slowpitchstats.com):
* Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.) hit the first official home run in the history of the Boom Goes the Dynamite franchise. All prior dingers were unofficial as Boom (and its defunct franchises) had not played on a field with fences until this season.
* Alyssa Downing (Marshall, Minn.) hit Boom's first triple of the season, using some questionable baserunning to make it to third base.
* Not a single fan or mascot attended the game.
* Despite earning the loss, Geller's K-to-walk ratio was 2:1.
* Geller has now allowed three home runs in his last two starts.
* Kevin Kurtt hit the first sacrifice fly of the season.
* For the second straight game, Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) led Boom with three RBI.
* Potter recorded the first game of the season with multiple extra-base hits.
* Downing owns a perfect 1.000 batting average, reaching base in all six of her at-bats. She is followed by Kevin Kurtt (.857), Potter (.714) and Jim Strick (.714).
* Boom has not drawn a walk this season.
* On the season, Geller has struck out eight, while allowing only four walks.

Happy Cinco de Mayo. Now Beware of Flying Drums

America and Mexico may have their differences (NAFTA, immigration, etc.), but are we really all that different? To wit:

Fourth of July in America: "What better way to celebrate the birth of your country than by blowing up a small part of it?"



Cinco de Mayo in Mexico: "What better way to celebrate your country's pride and heritage than by hurling a bass drum at a riot cop in the stands during a soccer game?"

And Now, Drunk Monkeys

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Heavyfooters. We're not sure why our Hispanic friends get all fired up over May 5, but then again, why do the Irish (and Irish wannabes) get all juiced on St. Patrick's Day? Because there will undoubtedly by plenty of imbibing of Dos Equis and Corona tonight, we issue the following alcohol-related documentary. So, without futher ado, drunk monkeys.

The Boom Box Score - Boom Goes the Dynamite 15, Myslajek Ltd. 9

Now that Boom Goes the Dynamite is in an actual league that requires teams to actually keep score in an actual scorebook, we bring you the first installment of an actual box score - from Boom's 15-9 actual season-opening win over Myslajek Ltd.

Some quick notes from the box score:
* The batting averages of Boom's bottom of the order - the bottom four batting averages for the night (nice managing work by rookie bench boss Michelle Train).
* Aging hurler Steve Geller struck out four in seven innings of work - quite the feat in slowpitch softball.
* Jim Strick (3-for-4, 3 RBI) and Alyssa Downing (3-for-3, 2 RBI) emerged as the frontrunners for the 2008 edition of the Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Award (disclaimer: Strick and Downing were the lone rookies in the game).
* With their 1.000 batting averages, Kevin Kurtt (4-for-4, 3 runs scored) and Downing are the early favorites for the Victory Sports Silver Stick Award.
* Every Boom player reached base except 10-day acquistion Kristine Yorde. Likewise, all but two Boom players scored (Yorde, Kevin Noth).
* Due to the absence of Lisa Hardy and Alicia Jerome in the lineup, Boom did not draw a single walk for the game.

Game story hopefully to come later.

Questions Abound as Boom Opens 2008 Season

Boom Goes the Dynamite, a slowpitch softball franchise with ties to the defunct Low Expectations, Gas on the Fire and I'm With Stupid, opens its 2008 St. Louis Park League season tonight with a contest against Myslajek Ltd. (a team chock full of accountants) at 6:15 p.m., at Dakota Park (click here for map). Mr. Heavyfoot sat down with Let's Play Softball staff writer Don Bowman for his analysis on Boom's laundry list of question marks.

Question: Will arm injuries to mediocre shortstop/team president Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) and servicable outfielder/general manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.) have a major impact on Boom?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Kurtt will give up his shortstop position to Jim Strick, much like he gave up his hockey SID position to the Bucky-lover. Kurtt will, in turn, platoon at first base with Kevin Noth and Lisa Hardy. Offseason rotator cuff surgery looks likely. Keiser, meanwhile, will make the move to the pitcher's mound, replacing Steve Geller. It's surprising that it has taken Keiser this long to recognize the injury, given it originally happened on May 17, 2006 (link).

Question: Can utility player/team hustler Casey Kurtt (Lakeland, Minn.) return to pre-knocked-up form after giving birth to an astonishingly cute son (proof of cuteness here)?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If I've learned anything about Mrs. Kurtt it's that she will stop at nothing to lead Boom to victory. To wit: link.

Question: Will outfielder/team social coordinator Meghan Potter (Hibbing, Minn.) revert to her Little Miss Lackadaisical alter ego or will she regain her early-2000s form that saw her earn All-Iron Range accolades as a Hibbing High Bluejacket?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: She was the first player to pay team president Kevin Kurtt her player dues and she seems genuinely excited about proving herself in 2008. Still, I'm not sold. There's just too much history of half-assed play from this former Academic All-NCC honoree. That being said, if she shows half the enthusiasm she showed during her stint as Tom Wistrcill's assistant, Boom management will be happy.

Question: Will the pending unemployment of "Tory Kukowski Memorial Outfielder" Ryan Maus (Northfield, Minn.) be a major distraction?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Not really. With no job in athletic media relations lined up, Maus is primed to re-enter the blogging world as one of the foremost Twins bloggers in the land. Plus, nothing can wipe the smile off this guy's face (link).

Question: Will rangy utility player Jim Strick (Oshkosh, Wis.) drag down Boom much like he did to the 2007-08 edition of Golden Gopher hockey?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: He better not. Strick's involvement with the Gopher hockey program may or may not have led to the name of Minnesota's Pride on Ice being sullied. If Boom sees a first-game season-ending injury to a star player, a mid-season departure from another star player or a seventh-place league finish, team management will have no choice but to blame Strick and send him back to Wisco.

Question: Will the loss of team cancer Kyle Coughlin (Golden Valley, Minn.) spell great things for Boom in 2008?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Losing Coughlin to the Windy City was the best thing to happen to Boom in the offseason. That, and the jettisoning of perennial Nick Joos Disappointment of the Year frontrunner Alicia Jerome.

Question: Will Boom's superfans follow the franchise from the God-forsaken fields of the U of M and Lake Nokomis to the pastoral green grass and fenced-in fields of St. Louis Park?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If ticket sales for tonight are any indication, fans will have no problem leaving behind the overzealous park police of Lake Nokomis and the overzealous parking Nazis at the U of M. Scheduled to appear tonight is the entire Kurtt clan - Jim, Beth, Laura, Cooper, Maggie and in his debut appearance, Kieran - as well as Emily Wood (of Emily Wood Team Spirit Award fame). In related news, new manager Michelle Traen is no longer eligible for the Jeannie/Cowboy Bob Superfan of the Year Award.

Question: Can longtime superfan Michelle Train (Taunton, Minn.) handle the pressure as Boom's first-ever full-time manager or will she crumple under the intense media and fan scrutiny in Isaiah Thomas-like fashion?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Let's face it, Train is a puppet of the ownership regime. Do you really think owner/team president Kevin Kurtt and his bobo, general manager Jeff Keiser are going to allow Train to run the show without interference from the front office? No way. Train = Joe Girardi; Kurtt and Keiser = Hank Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman, respectively.

Question: Will aging hurler Steve Geller (Port Jefferson, N.Y.) and perennial playoff stud Kevin Noth (Norwalk, Wis.) once again serve as Boom's fashion plates for the 2008 season?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Yes. Tank tops and black sweatpants for everyone!

Question: Did part-timer Lisa Hardy (Hopkins, Minn.) find any speed in the offseason?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Not likely.

Question: Will third baseman/new attorney Andrea Smith (Golden Valley, Minn.) attempt to capitalize on personal injury lawsuits when Boom players inevitably get hurt?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: I really can't predict this one. Is Smith a young attorney primed for big things in the legal world or is she just an ambulance chaser? Is she cut from the same cloth as Ruth Bader Ginsburg or Jack Prescott? Is she more Johnnie Cochran or Jackie Childs? The jury is still out on this one (bada bing!).

Question: Does rookie utility player Alyssa Downing's (Marshall, Minn.) involvement with J Robinson Camps mean Boom players won't be allowed to drink water and/or will be forced to run the bases holding dumbbells above their heads for punishment for errors committed in the field?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: I smell a possible Andrea Smith lawsuit if Downing pulls any of those shenanigans.

Question: Will team sparkplug Emily Wood (Wausau, Wis.) be able to win the Emily Wood Team Spirit Award?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If she doesn't, there's something seriously wrong with the voting process. Who's more upbeat than Wood? Excluding Smilin' Ryan Maus, of course.

Question: Will "Tory Kukowski Memorial Intern" wannabe Doug Vose (Mankato, Minn.) ever see playing time?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: If this team wants to win, they'll keep Vose where he belongs: answering phones and cutting out news clippings. I know he's close with Cal Ripken and all, but the vast majority of Boom's prior experiments with using students failed miserably (see: Dave "Cheese" Reidinger).

Question: Will wily journeyman Matt Slieter (Owatonna, Minn.) be as bitter and physically fragile as the player he replaced (Coughlin)?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Haven't we savaged Coughlin enough? I mean, he's been accused of having no heart, but he, in fact, has a bigger heart than anyone this franchise has ever seen. And Coughlin can prove it. Just ask him (and his Mayo Clinic test results). As far as Slieter, he has no reason to be bitter. He's not working for the worst-run sports franchise this side of the New York Knicks anymore. True, he's working in the land of search committees, teammates of the month, recruit-retain-reward (ha!), Eric Ferris, Gregg Shimanski, Leo, Joe, and the like, but that's nothing compared to his former employer (read: Ndudi Ebi).

Question: His final 2007 game notwithstanding, does former Boom outfielder Tory Kukowski (Lewiston, Minn.) provide his Oklahoma-based softball team with a couple of cans-of-corn every game like he did with Boom?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: What does this have to do with Boom's 2008 season? Nothing? Right. I'll still answer the question. Yes. Yes he does.

Question: Can tall infielder Cathy Behr (Willmar, Minn.) be expected to step into the shoes left by former second baseman/current mom-to-be Alicia Jerome (Kirkland, Wash.)?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Yes. I've got nothing here.

Question: Who will win the newly-created Alicia Jerome Memorial "Knocked Up" Award?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: I wouldn't dare venture a guess, but here are the past winners (retroactively rewarded from 2004):
2005 Kimberly Lockrem
2006 Lori Noth
2007 Casey Kurtt
2008 Alicia Jerome

Question: Will Steve Geller be swinging for the fences every at bat now that there are actual fences? Also, will Geller swing at a pitch below eye level at any point this season? Finally, will Geller's nearby apartment (to Dakota Park) be a postgame destination for Boom?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: Yes, No and You Better Hope Not.

Question: Will Boom be content with just playing on fields with real grass and fences, or will they recapture their "Just Winners" style from the 2006 season?
Let's Play Softball Analysis: The first one.

Once Again, It's Time for Us to Show Off the Kid

It's been awhile (since Dec. 6) since we've shown off our now-6-month-old son, Kieran. So here's an album from his fifth month that we put together on facebook. Obviously, he got his good looks from mom. What dad provided we're no so sure. Perhaps the belly. Click here for the photos.

Boom Goes the Dynamite Hits the Big Time

"All the fake news that's really not all that fit to print." That's the subhead to this mediocre blog that we run on an on-again, off-again basis. Well, file this under "news that looks fake, but isn't; news that probably shouldn't be printed, but is."

On page 15 of the April 24 edition of Let's Play Softball/Let's Play Baseball (think of it as Let's Play Hockey's awkward cousin), you'll find the above page. No joke. Boom Goes the Dynamite is published in a somewhat-respected softball/baseball publication. Needless to say, the paper was hurting for content for this issue. Tabloid rag, indeed.

FYI, Let's Play Softball/Let's Play Baseball has a circulation of approximatley 6,000.

Sadly This Video Features No Fox 9 Reporters

Given our history working with the esteemed media in the Twin Cities, we developed a measure of disdain for the local news/sports TV reporters. We're talking about you, Trish Van Pilsum.

It is for that reason we took great pleasure in watching the above video of reporters getting embarrassed, maimed, clawed, tackled, blown up, and hit by a professional wrestler, horse, plane, pie, purse, cat, guy on an inner tube, etc.

Our personal favorites are the CNN reporter getting tackled and the female reporter getting absolutely buried by a passing snowplow.

Best line from the video: "Put that on the news."

Fun With Your Baby, His Bumbo Seat and Stop Motion Video

While we work on the major Boom Goes the Dynamite announcement (warning: you may or may not consider the announcement "major"), we present a video we find amusing probably because we're the parents of a child about the age of the baby in the video. The description from collegehumor.com sums up this video quite well: "By the time this was done, he could speak and make his own videos.

Your 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Schedule

The 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite schedule has been released by team president Kevin Kurtt (Edina, Minn.) and general manager Jeff Keiser (Avon, Ct.). The 2008 season will see Boom compete in the St. Louis Park Co-Rec D League after a lengthy stay with CSC Sports. Eleven of Boom's 12 games will take place at Dakota Park (click here for map), while the season finale will be at Aquila Park (click here for map). In the event of unfavorable weather conditions, call the St. Louis Park Weather Line at 952-924-2567 for updates on possible game cancellations.

Also, stay tuned to Mr. Heavyfoot for a major team announcement that may or may not involve a person that appears on the above team poster.

2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Schedule

April 29 - Myslajek Ltd. - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

May 6 - HGH - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota West

May 13 - Green Giants - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota East

May 20 - Absolute Bail Bonds - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota East

May 27 - Skeet Skeet - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

June 3 - The Chiefs - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota West

June 10 - Jobdig - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota West

June 17 - Absolute Bail Bonds - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

June 24 - Myslajek Ltd. - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota East

July 1 - The Chiefs - 7:15 p.m. - Dakota West

July 8 - Jobdig - 6:15 p.m. - Dakota East

July 15 - Green Giants - 9:15 p.m. - Aquila Field #2

* italics indicate Boom as the home team

Your 2008 Boom Goes the Dynamite Preseason Team Roster

Mr. Heavyfoot is back. Why? It's softball season and what better place than here to post satirical game stories from everybody's favorite slowpitch softball team Boom Goes the Dynamite. Things have mightily changed since we last heard from Boom, namely the team's controversial decision to pull up their stakes from the godawful CSC Sports league in favor of the fences and real grass of the St. Louis Park Softball League. Boom will be competing on Tuesday nights in the SLP Co-Rec D League at Aquila and Dakota parks.

So, without further ado, may we present to you the 2008 edition of Boom Goes the Dynamite (subject to change):

Alyssa Downing (UT) - appears on the preseason Tory Kukowski Memorial Rookie of the Year Watch List
Steve Geller (P/OF) - will undoubtedly be swinging for the fences at every at-bat; looking for first injury-free season since 2004
Lisa Hardy (1B) - may be a part-timer in 2008; worked on her footspeed in offseason
Jeff Keiser (P/OF) - looking to prove Beth Kurtt wrong when she voted him as the Nick Joos Disappointment of the Year in 2007; just happy to be playing on real grass
Casey Kurtt (C/2B) - returns to full-time status after giving birth to an astonishingly-cute baby boy (paternity tests pending)
Kevin Kurtt (SS/UT) - packed on some ample winter weight in the offseason to bolster his inconsistent power hitting; will battle to keep his starting position at SS
Ryan Maus (OF) - appears on the preseason Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP Watch List; will his pending unemployment be a distraction this season?
Kevin Noth (OF/1B) - defending Shane Sandersfeld Memorial MVP; out to prove to management that he's worth a lucrative multi-year contract (management not so sure about that)
Meghan Potter (OF) - preseason frontrunner for the Gerry DiNardo/Glen Mason Comeback Player of the Year award
Matt Slieter (UT) - unknown commodity; a wily journeyman who's looking to prove that not all men's basketball SIDs are physically and mentally fragile
Andrea Smith (3B) - still short, but now a short, high-powered attorney who will serve as the franchise's general counsel for all contract negotiations
Jim Strick (UT) - tall; has plans on replacing Kurtt at shortstop just like he replaced Kurtt as men's hockey SID
Emily Wood (UT) - enters season on disabled list; out to prove she's more than just a sparkplug

Key Additions: Alyssa Downing, Matt Slieter, Jim Strick
Key Losses: Kyle Coughlin, Alicia Jerome, Tory Kukowski
Possible Subs: Cahty Behr, Garry Bowman, Chris Cords, Phil Esten, Katie Fornasiere, Kristin Hill, Matt Schroeder, Nate Selvig, Tyler Thomson, Michelle Train, Doug Vose, Kristine Yorde
Tentative Season Opener: April 29